Thursday, February 21, 2008

Proof that I read something besides blogs.

I'm over half way done with When Nature's Not Enough: Personal Journeys through In Vitro Fertilization by Diana Olick.

It is the IVF book that Mark found in my car on Tuesday, and I'm glad he did. You know, because now I can read it. And also because I won't have to pay the library for it.

The author has gone through IVF, and she tells her own story and mixes it in with the stories of four other couples. She's not outright funny, but she has a light sense of humor. I don't think it's a book for the husband folk. She and the other couples tell about their experiences with the drugs, the doctors, and the overall ridiculousness that is IVF. I felt like I was reading a very well –articulated version of my life for the past two years.

One thing I hate so far is her need to call IUI…turkey basting. TURKEY BASTING! Yucka yuck yucko! WTF? Why?! Diana Olick you have ruined Thanksgiving for me (and my readers) forever. If you were a fertile, I would never forgive you.

I absolutely love the male parts of the interviews. You get to hear about how they felt, what they thought, and how hard it was to express it all.

It made me feel bad for being hard on Mark for not understanding and not showing his emotions. I know men are different – I get that.

Being half done reading, I don't know how it ends, but I'm sure they all end up as IVF Success stories, and that's OK.

I like this book very much. I started reading it at the perfect time because I've been (secretly) feeling really apprehensive about my upcoming IVF. I've been faking excitement over the beginning of the cycle, because to me it really feels like I'm on my tippie toes at the edge of a cliff and when I take that first shot of Lupron, I take the big leap. The big leap being IVF, and IVF being OUR LAST CHANCE.

When I first wandered into the world of infertility, I used to surf blogs and message boards trying to find people in worse situations that me. I would read the Trouble TTC board on the Nest and see signatures with "TTC 24 months, MFIF, 1% Kruger Morph" and think, "Shit, I'm glad that's not me."

Now that it's me, I feel an intense amount of pressure. Pressure to do this cycle while working and going to school. Pressure to be a mother. Pressure to provide my husband with a biological child that he could not have without science. Pressure to give my mom a grandchild because I am an only child. Pressure to make this life that I want to happen, happen.

Back in the beginning, I felt like there was a long line between myself and IVF. Temping, then OPK's with Temping, then 3 Clomid with IUI cycles, then IUI with injectibles for a few cycles, then if hell fucking froze over, IVF.

It's awfully cold here in hell.

9 comments:

peesticksandstones said...

I liked that book, though I thought the author got really super-negative toward the end and that kinda freaked me out (despite the fact that she ended up with two beautiful babies).

"Everything Conceivable" is a really great read -- similar style -- interviews with lots of people, almost journalistic. A little more objective, too, which I thought helped.

Kara said...

Something to get your mind off of IVF and reading about IVF. You have been tagged for a game of true/false.

Rules posted at http://karas-emptyuterus.blogspot.com/

andrea said...

i hear hell gets warmer the longer you are there....


or is that the sooner you leave?

anyway.....

just wanted to say miss you and your sassiness! if you want to get some decaf in the near future let me know!

Jen said...

You know, I tried reading Everything Conceivable, and I just couldn't get into it.

Maybe I was turned off my the doctor interviewed who said that infertile men should not try to reproduce and hinted that IVF with MFIF would eventually end the world?

Mrs. Higrens said...

Am the only one who started humming "under pressure?" ok, well then.

{{{{{Hugs Jen}}}}}

I think it's ok to be more apprehensive than excited about starting IVF. As we grow up and think about our lives, very few of us have an asterisk by "start a family". * = with the help of medical intervention.

I hope this cycle works for you!

Io said...

"Maybe I was turned off my the doctor interviewed who said that infertile men should not try to reproduce and hinted that IVF with MFIF would eventually end the world?"

Whaaaaa?

Io said...

Oh, and you totally have to do true/false, even though it gives me an ulcer when I see them because of the pressure.

Katie said...

I read about half of the book you are talking about here on the floor of Borders today (skimming, of course) before my failed CD 2 blood draw. It was pretty good (the book, not the failure... see blog).

As for turkey basting, as someone who had to drive to the stupid downtown CC a 6am on Thanksgiving morning to get an IUI and be the ONLY person in the whole Crile building except for the lab tech, nurse, and cop who let me in... I too call the process turkey basting. Do-it-yourselfers actually use turkey basters I've heard. Anyway, I hope we can get over the language barrier and still be friends. And I hope you can still enjoy turkey. I do.

May said...

People should read this.