Friday, March 7, 2008

My Vagina: The Revolving Door

I went to my regular gynecologist today because I'm overdue for my pap (should've been in October) and wanted to get it over with before all the "real" poking and prodding begins. I could've done it at my previous RE, but the time he offered to do it, I had just had sex for fun the night before (can you believe it? Nonbabymaking sex!) and was unable to have a pap. Dr. Goldfarb won't do it because they just don't do that.

So there you have it, another doctor taking another look at my very public vagina.

And I know for these doctors, it's all "another day, another cooter," but I'm getting real sick of the stirrups. It used to be a once-a-year thing, and now it's a few-times-a-month-thing. Back in the good old days, I didn't even know that the internal ultrasound wand even existed. I was so innocent back then…

My gynecologist is really nice and I like him. And also, his name is Dr. Fish, which I find to be a perfect name for a person in his profession.

He does have one strike against him: when I was TTC for close to a year and brought up my concerns, he said, "have some wine, light some candles, and just let it happen." At that time, I didn't realize just how annoying that statement was because I really believed that the problem was mine. Maybe my ovaries were pruney? Maybe I just really needed to RELAX! I felt better knowing that Dr. Fish thought that wine and candles would get me knocked up. Solid proof that ignorance is truly bliss.

So when I called to make my appointment and could get in earlier with a nurse practitioner, I decided to just do that. Because I want Dr. Fish to be my OB/GYN if I ever find myself "in trouble" (or pregnant, 60's style), and I know that I would want to say something snarky to him about the wine and candles thing.

Example: "Hey, Dr. Fish, I am now an alcoholic and my house burned down one night while I was drunk and forgot to blow out those romantic baby-making candles. And also, am not pregnant! How on earth could that be?!"

I find it's best not to burn your bridges with the people who are looking at your vagina, you know? Which is kind of hard, being that I tend to be a bridge-burner, and everyone seems to be getting a good look at my vagina these days.

10 comments:

Annegirrl said...

I could sooo see Dr. Fish saying that! That's exactly how he thinks about pretty much everything which I think makes him a great OB, but not so great for IF issues.

Io said...

Seriously?! The DOCTOR told you to relax? (head explodes)

PJ said...

That's so funny because just the other day I was complaining, and thinking about the good ole' days when I just got in the stirrups once a year!

peesticksandstones said...

What a fun post (and wow, Dr. Fish?! what a name).

I feel like showing strangers my vagina is like my second job now. It's weird, though, how no matter what, I am still fanatical about making sure it's so dang well-groomed and lovely-smelling first. No many how many times, or even if I have the RE I don't like that day.

I need a new hobby!

Jen said...

haha! Oh yes - and GAWD FOURBID I don't tuck my underwear into my pants. How embarrassing, right?!

Katie said...

I'm sorry, I don't know what non-babymaking sex is... can you explain it to me?

Mrs. Higrens said...

Hey, I didn't know that lighting candles would get me knocked up! I'm going to go home tonight and try that. Hah!

the Babychaser: said...

I actually snorted out loud at a friend the other day who was complaining about how much she hates getting her annual pelvic exam. I've reached the point where I just don't care about modesty. Once you do a couple cycles of IVF, you can drop trou without a second thought.

Remember the first time you had to do a Day 2 sono? You were like, "Really? Um, it's kind of, um, bloody down there." Now I'm just pissy that they want to leave the room while I get undressed. I can strip REALLY fast, and don't need them to wait 10 minutes before they come back!

Gina said...

I've just found your blog, and I have to say it's freaking great. I wasn't planning on leaving any comments or anything, but I just had to when I read this post.
My Dr. said the same.exact.thing. I am now getting ready for my 1st RE apt and all I want to say to my ob/gyn is Your. An. Idiot.

Thanks for creating this, it's awesome, and so are you :)

From:
Your new blog-thingy reader :o)

tvgirl said...

Back in the good old days, I didn't even know that the internal ultrasound wand even existed. I was so innocent back then…

Yeah, I'm reading your old posts as I start Lupron tomorrow. Effing "just let it happen" peeps and their stupid internal wands!