Saturday, April 26, 2008

Infertility Pants

I was doing the wardrobe last weekend – out with the sweaters, in with the tank tops and capris! I know, it's a little bit early for the wardrobe switch, but I've been trying to clean up all aspects of my life lately, and my closets need some serious cleaning out. So, early wardrobe switch.

While going through all of my items of clothing, I had a strange thought: I think the range of sizes of pants in my closet tell the story of my life over the past two years. Let me explain this…


 

Size 4: Dating and Newlywed pants. Skinny-(for me)Pants. Feeling pretty good pants.

Size 6: Happily Married Pants. Respectable-Size-Pants. Still feeling OK pants.

Size 8: Bummed About Not Being Pregnant Pants. Comfort-Eating-Pants. Getting a little chubby pants. Finding out that we need IVF pants.

Size 10: Fertility Treatment Pants. So-Bloated-I-Can't-Bend-Over-Pants. Quite rotund, need rolled down hallways pants.


 

Today, while I was cleaning out my closet, I threw caution to the wind and tried on my Size 4's, and they fit(ish). They aren't as loose as they used to be, and the size 6's would clearly be a better fit. But they zipped right up. And it seems like a good thing, that I didn't retain all of the 10 pounds that I gained during my failed IVF cycle, I can't say that I'm happy to be zipping up the skinny pants. I mean, gaining weight is never a good thing in my book. And going up three pant sizes in two years is embarrassing, really. But for so long, I've been waiting and waiting for that coveted big belly.

I'd love to be shopping for maternity pants and happily gaining weight.



p.s.- More about why I'm fat, here.

16 comments:

Bec said...

I completely understand what you mean which is very scary. Although I am very drunk right now so... who knows :)

Lost in Space said...

I can totally relate to this. I actually worked from home for a couple days before ER because I knew they would frown upon me wearing Nike pants to work. Hope you're sporting some maternity pants soon.

sarah23 said...

I have pants ranging from 4 to 12. However, I only wear the ones ranging from 6 to 10. Yep, I completely understand this post.

peesticksandstones said...

Ha! I've got the same thing with bras, too. And, come to think of it, shirts. Really I should just give up and go full-time with the muu-muus.

K said...

I have the exact same trajectory. I am not back in 6's however. I recommend buying Euro-sized pants. It is more difficult to understand their sizing.

sarah said...

Infertility is such a weight gaining experiene. I dont' know that I gained weight during my cycle, infact once the Gonal F bloat went down, I was into my size 12's, but after the negative and the fear of it never working set in, I started cooking. I've vacillated between 10 &14 (mode of 10), and I was shoehorning myself into uncomfortable pants for a couple of weeks, and then I realized that they just made me feel ashamed, and more likely to eat wontonly. So I got some new pants, and without all that pinching, I'm doign a little better with the eating. Like you, I am really wanting to buy bigger pants for a baby expanded waist, not a cake expanded one.

the Babychaser: said...

First, I love your ICSI picture at the top.

I, too, am relieved to discover I didn't actually gain 10 pounds last cycle. I was convinced I had. However, I did gain some weight that is honest-to-god fat, which sucks.

I not only have the range of fat-to-skinny clothes, I have the fat clothes I hang on to for "when" I get pregnant. Especially some ugly suits from my fatter days. I'm going to be really pissed if I end up have oral argument when I'm 6 or 7 months pregnant, and I have to buy a freakin' $300 maternity suit for ONE court appearance. But I have the fat suit for the 3-5 month range.

Of course, I'll be more pissed if I never get pregnant and none of this matters. But I'm pretending that can't happen.

How's Cycle #2 going? Back to back is something I've never done. Hope it's not making you too crazy. AF is gone now, but I still feel messed up from last cycle's hormone overload.

JJ said...

Just did some closet cleaning myself--I dont like what I am discarding and I dont like what Im replacing it with...ahh hell, Ill share some nachos with ya! That way will will split the caloric intake ;)

Jill said...

OMG, I can totally relate to your pant sizing situation. I've got sizes 2, 4, 6, and 8 in my closet and will probably be adding 10s very soon.

Denise said...

Huh. I'm actually considering wearing sweat pants into the office tomorrow to deal with the bloat. I work in a corporate environment, so this isn't the norm. I'm looking forward to the raised eyebrows and smirks.

Mrs. Higrens said...

Oooh. Pretty new header!

Anyone up for a communal closet as our sizes go up and down?

Marie said...

Jen,
I read you other blog just a second ago and it is awesomness!!
I am a bit lazy this morning so I didnt sign up to leave a comment but I will.

Emily said...

I love the new pic at the top- very cool! We have all been there. Even my pants from one year ago don't fit. I just gave away a bunch of cute tops from the summer I got married (2004) to the 13 year old I tutor and they fit her perfectly. I wanted to cry...

Ahuva Batya said...

The sizes are a reminder of how resiliant your body is, and someday you'll be buying those big maternity pants~!

Anonymous said...

Thanks. I'm a size 16. If a 10 is fat, I'm a whale.

Jen said...

Well, I think you're missing the spirit of the post, Anonymous. My size has nothing to do with yours.