Monday, May 26, 2008

Conceive Magazine

Conceive Magazine is on my list.

And really, who isn't on my list these days?

But seriously, there appears to be an overstock of Conceive Magazine at my RE's office.

They have this ceiling to floor display of magazines, and 90% of it is covered in CONCEIVE magazine.

And have you seen this magazine? Well. Every issue has a picture of the cutest baby ever, close up so you can see every detail of its delicious little face. And sometimes? You can also see their thighs. Big, chubby, lumpy little baby thighs. In the office of your fucking reproductive endocrinologist. Anyone else find this just annoying? Anyone? Or just me? (You can say if it's just me...I'm kind of used to that, being a complete and total weirdo and everything).

I think I should start a magazine called "INFERTILE WHORE." All the articles will be rants from me and my fellow infertiles, and there will be no pictures of cute babies and pregnant women (which do show up in Conceive. Lots of bellies in that magazine.) There will be lots of pictures of martinis, and ads and coupons for Ben and Jerry's and Coldstone. There will also be a column where people ask for my advice, and I tell them ways to act completely inappropriate in public.

My magazine is going to be like a money tree. Because think about it: my readers are in it for the long haul! If this magazine already existed, I would have been a subscriber for TWO WHOLE YEARS (plus three months)!

If you were a good little blog reader, you already clicked on the link to my Redbook blog on Infertility Diaries, and you know that Mark was with me while I went off on a rant about the cover of Conceive magazine at the office this morning. And he suggested that I come up with a better cover photo.

The thing is, I think it would be a better photo for the first issue of INFERTILE WHORE...I call it: Infertility (sigh). What do you think?




I was going to flip the bird, but I thought it would be too much for the first issue...
* * * * * * * * * *
In real-deal IVF infertile whore news: I had another follow-up today.
Estrogen = 2803, which is good enough, thanks. Please stop rising so quickly, mmmkay?
Lots of follicles, all around 15-16 mm (thanks for the correction, whoever told me it wasn't centimeters last time. Yes, we're making human embryos, and not some type of mutant bovine-human.)
I'm doing one more 150 of Follistim and then going back again tomorrow morning. The doctor thinks I'll be ready for my trigger tomorrow, which means retrieval on Thursday and transfer on Sunday or Tuesday.
It's almost harvest time! I'm about to be a good hen and drop these eggs (gladly).
* * * * * * * * * *
SOMEONE MADE ME AN INFERTILE WHORE COVER!!!!  Click here to see it!

51 comments:

alicia said...

excellent cover idea! And I would SOO sign up for that magazine.

And the header is wonderful! She is super talented.

Good luck with this IVF cycle and the follow up today.

Leah in Austin said...

I LOVE YOU!!!! Of all the blogs I read, you are my favorite! I love all the rants and foul language. Makes me laugh.

You know, it's funny that of all days you should blog about this. I was in my RE's office today and what was on the desk in the nurses area? Oh, only 5 million copies of conceive magazine. But, I actually picked one up! I got this magazine years ago when infertility first started kicking my ass. And I thought the same thing...why in the HELL do they have babies and pregnant bellies and ads for clothing, etc. for pregnant bellies? It's called CONCEIVE! Not Already effing Pregnant! anyway...I can appreciate your sentiment. I hope IVF rocks your world and you end up with at least twins! I did IVF and it kicked my big chunky ass. It sucks...especially Lupron and PIO. Ugh...my butt cringes just thinking about it. Just did another IUI today...now begins the stupid 2ww. Best to you and your embryos! I know you will have TONS!! email if you want...leahboral@yahoo.com
Smooch!!!
Leah in Austin, TX

Amy said...

I would totally subscribe to Infertile Whores. What are the people at Conceive thinking, anyway? Like it's that easy...stop the bc, have some sex, get pregnant, and nine months later...voila! That's the recipe, right? I never have been good at following recipes, though. Stupid Conceive magazine.

Denise said...

Hehe. Infertile Whore. I'd buy it. I might even get a lifetime subscription.

Shila said...

I would definatly get a subscription to Infertile Whore! I love the idea....however, I would go with giving the bird for the first issue. I think it would really get the readers attention!!

Docshoney said...

I am completely with you! That mag is such a pile. Your looking at going, ok I feel inadequate then you open it and think I already tried this shit. You don't want to read about how standing on her head and barking like a seal helped so and so get pg while you are waiting for the lovely dildo cam adventure. If standing on your head and barking like a seal really worked you would do it, you and I know her happy ass did IVF, barking like a seal, please.

JamieD said...

Oh, I totally and completely agree with you. I remember my first visit to my OB, about six months after we started trying. GAWD I was so dumb and naive. I picked up that magazine and thought it was chock full of really good information. Fast forward two years and every issue has the SAME DAMN INFORMATION!! Just a different stupid baby on the cover!!

Sign me up for Infertile Whores. I would also like to submit a photo for a future cover!!

Tiffanie said...

infertile whore - nice! i'd subscribe in a minute! you could do like oprah and have your picture on every.single.cover. glad your ovaries are acting better.

Starlite said...

Great observations! I think that the Infertile Whores of the world need a honest - direct to the point voice! I would totally subscribe to the mag. There is so much about IVF that needs the hardknocks view.

By the way, I triggered yesterday and hopefully if the follies fertilize transfer on Friday - were so close together. This is my IVF#2. Good Luck

Kymberli said...

I love the magazine and the pic, although I have to admit that I was expecting to see not one, but two flipped birds.

Calliope's banner is awesome!

I'm thinking good thoughts for your retrieval and transfer!

Io said...

Sing it sister! I freaking *hate* that magazine.
Glad to hear you don't have mutant follicles.

PJ said...

I watched a little of the Tyra show (ohmygaa, I can't believe I'm admitting that, since I hate her). Anyway, Tyra had a show on infertility, which sucked by the way. And they did a blip about the magazine. I found one while on vaca last month. I thought it was another attempt to suck money out of poor infertile people!

You know, I like you too. But you don't need to put my link on the sidebar twice. (wink) Although, I HAVE been getting a lot of traffic from you lately!

AND, WHOAAAA I had not idea you were so close to retrieval! Good luck with that!

Mutant-bovine embryos! LMAO!

Lost in Space said...

I'm all for Infertile Whores. I say start strong with your first cover and get the bird in there.

Conceive can kiss my ass. If I could do that I surely wouldn't be seeing a damn RE, now would I? (:

Sounds like you are progressing well. Keeping everything crossed for you!!

Tricia said...

Yah that mag sux. But I would totally buy Infertile Whore. Good Luck with you retrieval coming up!!!

Tricia said...

Yah that mag sux. But I would totally buy Infertile Whore. Good Luck with you retrieval coming up!!!

andrea said...

i can't wait to see what next month's cover will be....

your little eggs are growing so nicely! i hope you get to trigger tomorrow.

annacyclopedia said...

Sign me up for a subscription, and I don't care if it costs double cause I'm in Canada. Bring it on!

Kelly said...

How is it that you read my mind, and you don't even know me? I actually brought HOME this month's Conceive from the RE. I figured, hey, I haven't tried that in the 2+ years we've been trying. Infertile Whore - think of the advertising potential.

Aunt Becky said...

Okay, so I popped over to see you because you popped by to see me and you've got me hooked, sister. I will not only be back, I will be back happily.

(aren't you glad I didn't say "poop?")

thepromiseofourlove said...

I want to be on the cover too. Maybe threatingly pointing a needle at the reader.

Good luck with the retrieval!!

Juicy said...

(here from NaComLeavMo)

I have bookmarked your blog and I plan to come back and read older posts. You seem to see things the way I do...funny how infertility treats us. I'd subscribe to your mag, so get on it, k?

peesticksandstones said...

When I think of Conceive magazine I think of Pre-Seed. Didn't they have like 10,000 ads for it in each issue? I bought that crap by the ton in our first desperate charting-n-temping year of TTC -- thinking it was some magical booty tonic that would be THE key to getting me pregnant.

Now it sits, dusty in the nightstand. Getting pregnant by intercourse is so old-school!

Stephanie said...

My RE's office has "Parenting" and "Fit Pregnancy." In the waiting room and stacked in cute little baskets in every room. I HATE them for that and would take stupid Conceive anyday. I subscribed to Conceive when we first started trying because it was free, but it sucked and I also got super tired of seeing pregnant women and babies. I thought it was an infertility magazine, but apparently I was way wrong.

I would subscribe to Infertile Whore and pay for it!

Good luck!

Michelle & Gary said...

So funny you post this about Conceive Magazine-- I had the same thoughts the last time I was at my clinic-- there are piles of them and the babies on the front-- do they have to be so cute??? I am clad I am not the only one who noticed that!
best wishes!!

hopeful #1 said...

It's like constant torcher. What we can't have or what we can't achieve is plastered all over the magazine...

Not fair.

However the infertile whore sounds perfect. Right up my alley!

=)

Infertile Friend said...

I would totally subscribe! At my HSG they had racks full of Parenting magazines - helpful people - really helpful!

Mrs. Higrens said...

Sign me up too!

Glad things with your IVF cycle are going better!

C said...

Thanks for the NaComLeavMo comment on my blog! LMAO at Infertile Whore. Wanna hear something horrible? In the middle of our treatment, my RE had to switch offices within the hospital. He went from sharing space with another RE to sharing space with an OB/GYN. Do you know what that meant? BIRTH CONTROL POSTERS ALL OVER THE EXAM ROOMS. Mircette, anyone? Oh, the irony.

theclam said...

Love the idea of the magazine! Cover is good, but I don't think the bird flip would have been too over the top at all...

Found you via NaComLeavMo! Stop by if you can :)

Jill said...

Seriously, Infertile whore magazine is a stroke of pure genious. You should seriously think about doing something like that (well, with maybe a more marketable name so they don't have to keep it behind the counter with the dirty magazines). Also, you should save the bird flipping for the inside back cover..... that's the best part of any magazine :)

Marie said...

I hear ya I would read you magazine I am addicted to your blog!! Some wise-ass relative signed me up for a baby magazine because I keep getting them delivered to me door. uggghhh

Wishing 4 One said...

Love the possible cover... Infertile Whore, I am still laughing my ass off on that one!You are waaay too much girl!! Thanks for making us all laugh every time we visit you...

Erin said...

Here from NaComLeavMo. What a brilliant idea for a magazine! I have to ask what idiot at your RE's office decided that a magazine called CONCEIVE belongs there? It sounds like any other stupid pregnancy magazine out there.

Good luck for trigger and retrieval!

dana said...

Thank you for brightening my morning! I love the idea of Infertile Whore...and I think you should just flip the bird in the cover pic - you know, for that personal touch. ;)

Good luck with this round of IVF!

soapchick said...

Delurking. I've been reading for a couple of months now and you are the funniest blogger in blogland. I wish you all the best on your current IVF!

Kim said...

Great cover! Hope you get some great eggs and even better embryos that decide to stick around for the long haul! Here from NCLM!

poppy.f.seed said...

that magazine was all over my RE's office too, and Martha was on, with a show on children and baby food was first up. Wrong place for that!

Motel Manager said...

I would TOTALLY BUY Infertile Whore. Let's start it!

Duck said...

Nacomleavmo

I just read your post yesterday on redbook, I agree concieve has too many cutsy babies on it. At my office there are no fertility mags, there are cool magazines, fashion magazine, the economist, design mags and trashy mags like people.

Lisa said...

That's awesome! I wanna subscription. Maybe Redbook would underwrite the venture as a spin off of the Infertility Diaries, hehe!

I totally agree on that damn Concieve magazine. It just pissed me off this morning as a matter of fact. :-)

Sarah said...

I always feel so defeated by concieve magazine--I AM NOT GOING TO CONCIEVE NOT MATTER HOW NICE OF A HOTEL IT IS! I ATE A LOT OF ICE CREAM, IT DIDNT HELP! Anyhow, sorry for the yelling, will you be forwarding your postand our comments? You'd think the RE wouldn't have it in their waiting room. An OB/GYN I can understand, but an RE?

hope548 said...

INFERTILE WHORE. I laughed out loud. At work. The cover photo is perfect!
Good luck with the retrieval and transfer!

Heather said...

Just found your blog today from Stirrup Queens list of blogs. Good luck on this month's cycle.

Myself, I'm about to start my first IVF cycle since trying 3 years ago. We have a seven-year-old daughter from ovulation induction/IUI. We tried for a second a few years ago and eventually gave up. Right before I turned 37, I decided we should try one last time (meaning as many cycles as it takes in this one last time) to have another child. We've just finished 3 OI/IUI cycles that looked great, but didn't work. We're now moving on to IVF again and I'm trolling for funny blogs of fellow IVFers.

This one is really funny. I've been married for almost 14 years and if I hear that I just need to relax, one more time, I'm going to seriously hurt that person.

Dreamer4agift said...

So, what's the results from today? Is it gonna be retrieval Thursday??

BTW, love the cover of the mag. I agree and I would def. subscribe.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

I love the magazine idea... except in my experience, whores tend to be the ones who get knocked up when they don't want to. With our luck, you'd start the Magazine Company, and the first cover model (an Infertile Whore) would end up with a bun in the oven 2 weeks later.
Maybe we can find a name that could serve as a quirky insult as well as remain reproductively appropriate. I'm thinking Infertile Twat. Then there can be a Brother Magazine for our male-factor components... Infertile Prick. Whadd'ya think?

Dr. Bad Ass said...

I'm a subscriber to that magazine, already . . .

pamela.ilovemcdreamy said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Infertile Whore and when I saw the magazine cover, I flipped and laughed cuz that expression looks like me when I get my freakin' AF!

Yeah, I think your blog has become one of my favourite blogs now! :)

Alyson & Ford said...

I turned to my DH and said "Can you believe this - Infertile Whore!!!"!!!.
OK, so it has been a "few" years since I fit into your group (I am OLD). But it still brought back some memories of how I felt back when I was younger!
Happy NaCommLeavMo!
Alyson LID 01/27/06 (IA China)

Hokie said...

I likey.
Also like Infertile Twat/Prick.
Will volunteer to model for 2nd cover - my fat ass crammed into an empty cradle, bruised belly from stims, empty wallet on floor, sharps boxes stacked to ceiling, legs in the air (because I hear that helps).

Laura said...

Hi Jen - first time commenting, love your writing.

I went to the Sex and the City movie last night, and I wondered if you had seen it - an issue surrounding Charlotte's infertility comes up - I don't want to spoil anything about the plot, but it seems like it could be fairly irritating to women dealing with infertility. A "just relax" situation, I guess you could say. Once you see it (if you see it), I'd be interested to hear what you think.

Taylor said...

Hey Jen !Im addicted to your blogs :)! let me tell you about myself.Im in my mid 20 and was adopted along with my sister Bianca to one of the richest ladies in my country who couldnt conceive.Marilyn(my adoptive mother)Had problems conceiven after numerous IUI she conceived but miscarried 4 times (twins all of the times)they didnt want to try anymore and adopted us then they got pregnant naturally 2 months after they adopted us!And gave birth to our brother Emanuel.I got married 5 yrs ago to a wonderfull man and rapidly became pregnant after a few months i was spotting and went to the ER the ran tests on me and discovered that My child had Trisonomy13, she didnt have a lung,a kidney,mouth and eyes.The doctor told me it was best for me to have an a......n. And of course i did not i wanted to feel this baby all i could.I had her for 9 months and gave birth to her, she lived for 34 minutes.Back at the OB they ran labs on my DNA and found out that my DNA is crossed and that apparently im the product of a relationship between my real mom and her brother and i would never be able to conceive a healthy living child.Its painfull to know that I have a big heart but have dirty blood but my hope and love goes out to all those moms that are trying to have a child Keep on going! Lots of Love and Best of Luck!!.