Wednesday, May 21, 2008

It's Bump Day at Baskin Robbins

Dearest Baskin Robbins,

Today I see that you are honoring the bump babes. The ladies with big bellies. The expectant mommies.


 

How very nice of you.


 

Please excuse me if I am way off base here, but I suppose you are trying to target the hormonal and hungry? Am I right? Did a bunch of people meet in a room one day for a brainstorm session to bring traffic into your stores? And someone had the brilliant idea to plaster that adorable cartoon pregnant lady all over the Internets in the hope that the pregnant ladies would see it and think, "OH MY GOD MY BABY NEEDS BASKIN ROBBINS NOW! NOW! NOW!" And then maybe once she has your ice cream for free, she will continue to have cravings and spend $3 a day on delectable globs of your new soft serve?


 

Well, I'm no marketing mogul or anything like that. I didn't go to Harvard, but to a state school, and everyone knows that state schools will take most anyone with a pulse and cold hard cash, right? I have a business degree but if we're being honest with each other, Baskin Robbins, I don't know all that much about mass marketing.


 

However.


 

If you're targeting the hormonal and hungry? You are missing a HUGE section of the "Hormonal and Hungry" market. The Infertiles. We are the perfect target market for your sales schemery – we're not only hormonal and hungry – we're neurotic and emotional! Emotional EATERS! See where I'm going with this?


 

I'm not really sure how you would verify the whole infertile part. I mean, you could ask to see our horns and tails, or maybe require us to inject our meds at the counter before we get our free soft serve. Or maybe you could just tell by the smell of desperation when we walk in the door? I don't know, you can work out the details.


 

I look forward to Infertility Tuesday really soon. In the interim, I will be getting my ice cream from Dairy Queen, Coldstone, or from the freezer aisle at the grocery store. Or maybe I'll eat cookies. You can never tell. I'm unpredictable like that.


 

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. And if you'd like to pay me for this fantastic idea? I wouldn't object.


 

Best,

Jennepper


 

p.s. – I do have some ideas for the Infertility Tuesday Free Soft Serve campaign. Have your people call my people.

p.p.s – I don't have people. Call me directly.

p.p.p.s. – I have lots of other ideas. Preview: Menopausal Monday. (Call me.)

26 comments:

Emily said...

I saw that and thought it was weird too. Fortunately, I thought I was going to be pregnant a long time ago and started eating like I was so now I can totally look it when I want to. A teeny tiny pillow plus the lovely ten pounds I've put on in the last year or so, I'm totally getting free ice cream tonight.

Mel said...

I saw this on another blogger's site and had to pause.
I guess those of us who have spent thousands upon thousands and still cannot manage to make it to the elusive "bump" part don't deserve squat.
Thanks, Baskin Robbins. Thanks very much.

Jen said...

I'll be your people for Baskin Robbins. Have them call me, I'll set up a meeting. (You want a lunch meeting right? With them paying?)

hope548 said...

Yuck! Bumpbabes?

Emily (Apron Strings) said...

LOL! Thanks for making me feel less annoyed by their ad campaign than I was, oh ... about 5 minutes ago!

Jendeis said...

Hi, I love you. Why would you want to be known as a bump babe anyway. Baby bump sounds too much like something from Fergie's "My Humps" or something that you'd have to see a dermatologist for.

BB and MTB said...

Amen, Sister!

alicia said...

I saw this on someone else site. And man that is frustrating. What I commented on her post was how are they going to prove these ladies are pregnant?? Pee sticks before soft serve?

Stephanie said...

Kinda like at restaurants when they have the "kids eat free" days. Annoying. Can someone please give those of us who have spent thousands of dollars trying to have a baby something for free....just once!

Jill said...

I'll join your entourage. I don't have any good ideas, but if you're going to be doing lots of lunch meetings with other people paying for the food, I'll gladly support your endeavors.

peesticksandstones said...

I saw this two days ago, and am still steaming when I think about it. Didn't we have Mothers' Day already like just a week or two ago? And would an adoptive mom-to-be be considered "expectant" enough?

It's just funny how much is about the BUMP itself. Hopefully, in time for next year's event, my Prednisone hump will be big enough to qualify my (though I think that's more of a hunchback... should I walk in backwards?)

andrea said...

i saw this ad, and though about how annoying it was.

i think i will take you up on the cookie campaign...

Amy said...

Your letter? Pure awesomeness. I can't believe this campaign...of course, if it had happened a year ago, it never would have bleeped across my radar. Things change.

PJ said...

ahahaaa! Horns and tails (points to self)!

Ohmygaaa that's funny!

Lost in Space said...

I wish I knew some IRL infertiles to rush the store owner. If they think pg women are hormonal, wait til they get a taste of chemically enhance wannabe pg infertiles.

I'm sticking with my DQ Blizzard. I'm so jealous BTW that you got to work there and have one everyday. Mmmmmmm.

Christine said...

It just shows that people don't think. Everyone needs to email them and let them know how insenstive this campaign is.

JJ said...

Im ready to go to Cold.Stone whenever you are!

Mrs. Higrens said...

You are so awesome. Also, I am totally in as one of your people for a meet-n-greet with Baskin Robbins.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Hey, and I hear ice cream helps with ovulation! So if they felt politically incorrect about calling it Infertility Tuesday, they could always call it Ovulation Tuesday... and we could all bring our pee-stained OPKs to get our free cone.

This was hysterical, thanks for making my day :)

poppy.f.seed said...

ooh, let's get starbucks on this list. they can have a special infertility decaf blend.

Alison said...

I am so friggin' angry right now. I suppose a nice bowl of ice cream could calm me down but screw them!!! It will be a sad day when Krispy Kremes and Starbucks gives free shiet to bumps.

Susan said...

I thought you would appreciate this story on it from TMZ.com

http://www.tmz.com/2008/05/21/is-tori-baskin-in-31-flavors-of-bacteria/

Katie said...

Love menopausal Monday. Does being on Lupron for four weeks count?

Coldstone has the best pre-packaged ice cream: cake batter batter batter (cake batter, cookie dough, brownie dough). Go get some!!! (after dinner at Alladin's!)

seriously? said...

Hi Jen,

I read your blog today and laughed, thought about going in saying I was preggers and getting my ice cream.

Did anyone else know you aren't supposed to have soft serve if you are pregnant? Wow, what will I eat?

I also wanted you to know that you are the one who inspired me to start blogging. Your fresh and funny outlook on everything from school to infertility makes me laugh and realize if you focus on what you can infulance life will be good.

Fert Fighter said...

I saw the ad on an infertility messageboard...how sweet of them to moniter what ads go on what webpages. I never liked their ice cream anyway~ Go marble slab

hairyfarmerfamily said...

Hmmmm. How big does your bump need to be to qualify? 10 months post partum, and I'm still in my maternity tops coz they are kind to my tummy. I could pass, I reckon.