According to my "perfect case scenario" I am 1 day pregnant on this very day.
Things I am going to do, now that I'm pregnant:
Park in the "Expectant Mother" spot at the grocery store.
I mean really, would anyone challenge me? I think I could make it work, especially since my father-in-law called me Miss Piggy the other day.*
Let my fat roll hang right out.
Why even try to suck it in? I'm one day pregnant, after all. Maybe I'll even invest in one of those shirts that says, "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant."
Eat 7 chocolate chip cookies after dinner.
Because the baby wanted them. Not because I am a total hoss.
Talk nonstop about my day-old pregnancy.
Loudly. In the lobby of the fertility clinic. In front of all the baby-lusters waiting for their daily meeting with the vag cam. Hoping they won't have to come back next cycle, and wanting to kill me for my obnoxious bragging.
Wear a Bella Band
Because seriously, you've thought about it. Don't lie. Who needs Thanksgiving Pants when you have a Bella Band? Clearly, I'd be wearing it because I am totally pregnant, and not because I ate 7 chocolate chip cookies.
Tell me: WHAT ELSE SHOULD I DO??
*Then promptly told me not to put it in my blog.**
**Pfft...like I wasn't going to blog that. Come on, now