Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Not to be annoying...

Because I know that it's annoying to have to outclick to read a post...but go to my Redbook Infertility Diaries post (click here), read it, and discuss.

Discuss here or there, I don't care.

(That last sentence sounds all Dr. Seuss, Green Eggs and Hammy, doesn't it?)

17 comments:

Jen said...

I've had only three bad comments my whole blogging life. Two of them were just anoymous know-it-alls who just wanted me to know that I was wrong and they were right. (One of them caught me on a bad day and I wrote a whole post about why they were wrong.) But the third (which was actually the first chronologically) left a comment that was intended to hurt my feelings. They also left this comment on one of the most heartfelt posts I have ever written. I used my stat counter to get their IP address. They never came back to my blog. So it was just drive by hate. It wasn't even someone who had been reading me for a long time and actually disagreed with me. They didn't stick around to see if their comment had any effect on me. They just stopped by to leave a hateful comment, intended to hurt me on purpose, and left. I don't understand that. Since then, I've been wondering what kind of person would do that and why. It just didn't make any sense to me. I mean, are they sitting in their house thinking "I really showed her" or do they just leave hate and forget all about it?

Amy said...

I post often at a few message boards, and there are always people creating user names or reincarnating old ones to post rude or irritating comments. Sometimes personal, sometimes on topic, but always inflammatory. I don't reply; I just think evil things in my head and then move on. I figure their childishness isn't worth my time, and I've got enough drama without them.

Jill said...

I usually employ a "don't feed the trolls" policy myself. Although I often find that the same cruel, heartless people who troll message boards often come back in search of support themselves, which, call me mean, but I just cannot offer.

I thought your article was perfectly written. I often have to argue the it's-not-so-easy-or-inexpensive side of adoption in "real life," and it gets to be oh.so.tiring.

BB and MTB said...

And to think of the cruel irony that once upon a time, someone actually conceived and gave birth to these people.

paige said...

Outrageous. I can't understand why people think adoption is so easy. I'm sorry but for me infertility treatment is currently cheaper (I have some coverage). Besides, dare I desire to have a pregnancy? I have had one nasty comment on my blog - but I had wrote a scathing comment about the Catholic church so I fear I had it coming (I was in a "dark" place). What I don't understand is why bother posting something ignorant. I mean these IF bloggers have an illness - infertility- would these same people post nasty things on a cancer sufferer's blog?

Lost in Space said...

I'll admit that I like to read the drama that unfolds on the messageboards, but I tend to be so overly sensitive that I normally try to stay out of it all most days.

I haven't yet received any trollish comments on my blog. I think I would most likely enable the comment moderation and move on about my day. I have enough crap to worry about without getting stressed out over some moron.

Sorry you had to get that comment. People can be so clueless. (Hugs)

Aimee said...

I actually feel lucky that my blog isn't popular enough to get the trolls' comments. But that's a hard position to be in... wanting to slam them into place while hearing that voice in the back of your mind telling you to be mature and take the high road.

LOVE reading your commentary on the grief that is infertility! You're spot on with so much of the crap those suffering have to go through. My husband and I have been ttc for over 2 years now. Good luck to you!

Bev said...

Hey Jen, What an idiot. Honestly, why can someone just not spell "people"? Is it that hard?

I had a rash of horrible comments on a particularly opinionated blog I wrote awhile ago(I admit it was opinionated but hello, my blog, my opinions). I do know now that some of them were girls from the nest, who pretended to be sweet to me online, but jumped at the chance to bring me down a few pegs anonymously. If you're going to be a jerk to me about my opinions, at least do it with your screen name. So cowardly.

Lorrie said...

I don't have a blog, but just wanted to comment on the "There's always adoption" people. I'm sure most mean well, but come on! If YOU couldn't conceive, would you have been all "Oh, well. On to adoption now" or would you try everything possible to try to have a child of your own? I was on the receiving end of that very comment last week. I didn't bother to respond, but, inside I felt so annoyed and irritated!! Glad I can vent here.

Misty River said...

Friends of mine have abandoned IF treatments and are in the process of adopting from China. Apparently, she has an OB friend and (no one will believe this) this friend called her one evening to tell her that a woman was in labor and wasn't sure if she wanted to keep the baby and my friends were recommended to adopt him/her. In the end, the woman decided to keep the baby, my friends went through an entire day of emotional hell, and I began befriending every OB I could find.

hope548 said...

I've only had one or two rude comments, and they weren't even that rude. I don't understand trolls at all. Some people just suck.

As someone currently in the process of adoption, I can agree with your assessment of it. It is just a different roller coaster. It took a long time to come to this decision, and there's not a day that I don't still mourn the loss of the biological/genetic connection, but I want to be a mother. We never tried IVF because we didn't have insurance coverage (though the hubby wishes we'd tried it once), and to pay that much money, we want a sure thing.

So you are absolutely right - just adopt isn't the solution. You have to pursue what's right for you and your situation. And do people think it's just free to adopt? Ha!

Stephanie said...

I feed trolls. I don't know why, maybe I just like to let my steam off on someone. I've never had anonymous comments though. Usually trollish comments come from my dad (who seems to be taking up too much of my precious blogging space lately).

As far as adoption, I have gotten a few of those and I feed them people too....I usually say something like "hmm, I guess wanting to actually experience pregnancy and childbirth is stupid, but believe it or not, I want to."

Ignorant people bother me.

Carolyn said...

One reason for comments like the one you received could be the surprise that blogs are so personal and so self-revealing. They are more than journals. They seem to be a place people feel free to write their most personal of emotions and most personal of feelings. It can really be shocking to read things that - years ago - we would have been encouraged to keep in a diary with a lock on it!

I think day after day after day of reading someone else's diary can be a new experience for some people, and they might start to think, "Geez! Does it always have to be about you? Get over yourself!" Of course, that is what blogging tends to be - but I think for some people that is still a surprise.

I've discussed with other folks this very subject, and I don't think I'm alone. Diaries are typically not full of perspective - they are typically full of one-sided emotion and sometimes unconscious thinking we don't realize until it hits the page.

So, take some of those troll comments with a grain of salt, if they have undertones of "you are not the center of the universe" - I think that is a reaction (sometimes) to the rawness of a blog.

Just my thoughts!

the Babychaser: said...

I don't think I'm popular enough to attract trolls. I don't use a stat counter or anything. But I think I have maybe 15 readers total. And I can't imagine anyone wanting to read my blog who isn't in the same shoes I'm in. Partly because, sheesh, what a drag! But also because my goal with my blog is to just be the plain me, not the super-snarky or ultra funny me. I have to put so much effort into rising above my pain in my real life, at work and with my friends, that I don't want to have to be cool or funny or any of that online. I don't mind it when it comes out sometimes (because let's face it, I AM capable of being pretty damn cool), but I decided that I don't want to feel pressured to be a "writer" on my blog. It really is more of a diary for me.

BTW, it's been a couple weeks since I've mentioned this, so I'm going to tell you again that you are a kick-ass writer.

MamaSoon said...

Good post. I like calling them trolls. I've been blog attacked by a troll once. It was about adoption. The person was enraged, violent and scary. She had hate for me and my husband. I had to close down my blog. I tried to ignore the person's comments and not approve them for posting. then they got violent about me not posting them. So I posted one (big mistake) and then closed my blog for a while, renamed it and resurfaced elsewhere. Trolls are most often cowardly, angry people. They post anonymously and forget this isn't a reality tv program where you can yell, 'You idiot!' at your TV screen. When they post mean things, we read them. Anyhow, I won't feed another troll.

MamaSoon said...

by the way, not sure if I said this before but you are one of the funniest people I've ever read. Love it! love it! love it! Even my husband reads your blog. And he reads no others.

Fert Fighter said...

WIGGIDY WACK!
it really makes me wonder what teh frig happened to them that they feel this crazy need to be hurtful. I think they are the same people that hurt small animals when they were young and end up being murderers ok maybe not but come on that's crazyness~