3:32 am: Wake up. With cramps. Period is coming, I just know it.
5:25 am: Mark wakes me up. Have cramps. YES. Totally pregnant. Why else would I have these cramps? With this bloating?
7:48 am: Arrive at work. Catch glimpse of OHSS pregnant-like belly in window. Awwww!
7:49 am: Walk through revolving door. Catch glimpse of OHSS pregnant-like belly in window. Ewwww!
8:02 am: Pee
9:22: Google 8dp3dt. For kicks.
9:23: Holy shit, there are some real weirdos out there…Holy shit! People get positives that early!
9:24: I need to go to Wal-Mart on my lunch. You know, for important marriage related stuff. Like bread. And, you know, maybe some EPTs.
9:25: NO! WILL NOT BUY ANY TESTS! AM RATIONAL AND STRONG MINDED!
10:46: Pee. Damn Gatorade.
10:47: Wait! Pee…again…Hmmm…?
11:24: Lunch in six minutes. Could sneak to Wal-Mart for Pregnancy Tests.
11:25: Am totally going to Wal-Mart. Am totally going to buy a shitload of peesticks and maybe some of those delectable Hostess cupcakes that are brown with the white loopy on the top.
11:30: Chicken out. Read book outside and get sunburn in mere 20 minutes. Am white like chicken fat.
12:12: Could probably make it to Rite-Aid and back. No time for Wal-Mart, but Rite-Aid…
12:30: Am holding head high. Am free of the sticks for pee.
12:31: Pee. Wish I had a peestick. Or a steak. Or both.
1:15: Google Cramps after IVF. Am swearing off Google for the rest of the day.
1:17: Google OHSS.
1:19: Serously, done with Google.
1:40: Did I wear deodorant? Not sure. * Pretend to stretch * Oh, yeah. I'm good.
2:14: Woe! Am so not pregnant! This so didn't work!
2:16: Eat 23 Jelly Bellys from coworkers candy dish. Enjoy the coffee flavored ones more than is normal.
2:23: OMFG. I am so knocked up right now.
3:01: Pee. This is fucking ridiculous. Does walking to the bathroom count as cardio?
3:02: Since I exercised so much, I should get ice cream tonight. Or cookies. Or both.
3:25: Leave work early. Take car in to get estimate since some fucktard rear-ended us on the way home from the retrieval. (Sorry, Internet. I forgot to tell you.)
4:45: Get home. Narrowly avoid peeing pants.
5:00: Pierogies. Like a little slice of heaven right on my plate.
6:35: Holding pee to finish this awesome blog.