In my beneifits book, it says to call and report a pregnancy within the first three months to ensure benefits.
Jen: Hi, I read in my benefits book that I should call within three months of a pregnancy, so I'm calling to let you know that I'm pregnant.
Empire: OK, great. Are you aware of your benefits?
Empire: Where are you going to deliver?
Jen: I have no idea.
Empire: YOU HAVE NO IDEA?! YOU ARE FUCKING UNFIT AND SHOULD GET AN ABORTION, WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS NOT COVERED!
Jen: Yes, I have no idea. I have been pregnant for a week. So no, I haven't even considered where I will deliver because I'm too busy thinking about what I'm going to do with all the leftover tampons I bought and whether or not I should actually start eating entire sides of beef to keep this thing alive inside of me.
Empire: Well, I can't do anything for you unless you know where you will deliver.
Jen: OK, so you're telling me that all women who call you within the first three months actually know where they are going to deliver? That they call as soon as the penis is flacid and let you know that they just conceived just now and which hospital they will use, and also the sex and the name they have picked out?
Empire: No. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that we can't precertify an unplanned birth.
Jen: Look, lady. It says in my benefits book that I will be denied benefits if I don't call to report this pregnancy in the first three months. So write it in your little notes so that I can prove that I called because it says I have to, so that I don't get a bill for twenty thousand dollars. Mmmmkay?
Empire: You look. Call when you know where you will deliver.
Jen: I hate you.
Empire: I hate you more.
Things are boring here, really. To answer the questions from some of you in my comments:
We transferred two embryos.
The next beta is Monday, 6/23.
The ultrasound should be at 6 or 7 weeks. Probably when we get back from our cruise.
Yes, I still hate cotton balls, but I have to use them to remove toenail polish. I gag the entire time.
I will keep this blog going. It will take a turn toward the pregnant, though. Or whatever comes, I guess.
I did start another invite only blog, but it is lame and it is private and you're not missing anything. Trust me. All that's on there now is about 17 pictures of positive pregnancy tests and a ticker.
I'm going to wash a load of towels. Because my life is infinitely better than yours, a much much more exciting and fun.