Wednesday, June 18, 2008

So My Insurance Company Continues to be Fun.

I just love calling them.
In my beneifits book, it says to call and report a pregnancy within the first three months to ensure benefits.

Today...

Jen: Hi, I read in my benefits book that I should call within three months of a pregnancy, so I'm calling to let you know that I'm pregnant.

Empire: OK, great. Are you aware of your benefits?

Jen: Ummm...yes?

Empire: Where are you going to deliver?

Jen: I have no idea.

Empire: YOU HAVE NO IDEA?! YOU ARE FUCKING UNFIT AND SHOULD GET AN ABORTION, WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS NOT COVERED!

Jen: Yes, I have no idea. I have been pregnant for a week. So no, I haven't even considered where I will deliver because I'm too busy thinking about what I'm going to do with all the leftover tampons I bought and whether or not I should actually start eating entire sides of beef to keep this thing alive inside of me.

Empire: Well, I can't do anything for you unless you know where you will deliver.

Jen: OK, so you're telling me that all women who call you within the first three months actually know where they are going to deliver? That they call as soon as the penis is flacid and let you know that they just conceived just now and which hospital they will use, and also the sex and the name they have picked out?

Empire: No. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that we can't precertify an unplanned birth.

Jen: Look, lady. It says in my benefits book that I will be denied benefits if I don't call to report this pregnancy in the first three months. So write it in your little notes so that I can prove that I called because it says I have to, so that I don't get a bill for twenty thousand dollars. Mmmmkay?

Empire: You look. Call when you know where you will deliver.

Jen: I hate you.

Empire: I hate you more.

*****
Things are boring here, really. To answer the questions from some of you in my comments:
We transferred two embryos.
The next beta is Monday, 6/23.
The ultrasound should be at 6 or 7 weeks. Probably when we get back from our cruise.
Yes, I still hate cotton balls, but I have to use them to remove toenail polish. I gag the entire time.
I will keep this blog going. It will take a turn toward the pregnant, though. Or whatever comes, I guess.
I did start another invite only blog, but it is lame and it is private and you're not missing anything. Trust me. All that's on there now is about 17 pictures of positive pregnancy tests and a ticker.
I'm going to wash a load of towels. Because my life is infinitely better than yours, a much much more exciting and fun.

27 comments:

Still Standing Strong in A Bloom of Hope. said...

Empire's such a piece of ass shit!

Other than that, happy washing!

Enjoy your next journey. You deserve it!

xoxo.

Marie said...

I work in the insurance industry too and no, it does not make me hate them any less. Such stupid questions. Like the other day I called to report a hail damage claim and the lady says.."Was the vehicle in the garage"..

mommiewannabe said...

I stumbled across your blog and just wanted to congratulate you! I am embarking on my third IVF cycle. Your success is not only lending me many laughs but a lot of hope. Good luck and enjoy your cruise!

Kim said...

That is just beyond crazy! Congrats on your pregnancy, I had a feeling when the OHSS wasn't subsiding that you would get good news! nclm

PlainsongGirl said...

oONly 17 pictures...hmmm I am thinking bad mother already:-)

"you've come a long way babe" enjoy whateva you want!! psstyourgoingtohavababy....

Lost in Space said...

Insurance companies suck!!!

Maybe if we didn't have to inject ourselves with daily hormones and worry about our eggs fertilizing in a dish we would have more time to research pregnancy and birthing centers. Novel concept. Stupid insurance.

Io said...

Hmm...I guess I hate your insurance too. But in a sick sick way, I kind of love them for providing me with such humor. Don't hate me.

Wendy said...

Jen - I just found out that you are pg! (I know - I'm a bit late!) But I'm so thrilled for you. I was on your Redbook blog and was reading that you had your appointment on Monday. Then I realized it was this past Monday, so I came here to find out. I'm so excited for you - what great news! Congratulations to you, DH and your new little one!

Lauren.Furrer said...

Yea, I had a BLAST with my insurance company during my pregnancy. I'm currently about 15,000 dollars in debt because I'm a moron and got the super insurance here at work. The one that's free and provided by the state of Indiana. Everything was moving along swimmingly until I actually had to go to the doctor for something. Then I realized my deductible was something insane like 5000 dollars. Which would have worked out if our son had been born in 2007. But since he was born 1-7-08, our deductible was reset and I had to pay crazy money for both years.
I feel kind of bad for typing such a long boring comment, but I've come too far to go back and delete.
Deepest apologies.

Heather said...

I hate insurance companies too. Their rules are wierd.

Please keep posting to this blog. I want to hear about the successes. It keeps me optimistic as we're about to start our first IVF cycle.

Can't wait to hear the update on Beta #2

Mrs. Higrens said...

Hey, I've got towels in the wash too!

I think insurance companies missed the memo: "I pay you money, you cover my bills according to the % we worked out. No questions asked."

(DH is fighting his insurance for a drug that he needs at 3x the level they say he should need to function. I want to know what knowledge Joe Schmo in cubicle-land has about my husband that he knows better than the doc.)

Stacy Woodruff said...

I hate the insurance companies too. I am also hatin on my employer, because they declined the coverage for infertility treatment that the great state of Texas requires be offered to them. So, when they decided to be cheapskates, they screwed me in the process. Bastards.

annacyclopedia said...

This might be easy for me to say, being Canadian and therefore not having to deal with insurance companies, but that is hilarious! I'm at my work desk, laughing at the idiocy.

Thanks for the laugh. Hope your insurance people are all getting a bunch of mosquito bites on the soles of their feet right now.

andrea said...

i think my insurance lady called your insurance lady and chatted with her [just over a different issue, clearly] --- sorry they are yankin yer chain

but i've been meaning to ask you - used the expectant mom's spot yet, you know, since it's official now?!! ;)

Wishing 4 One said...

insurance sucks and I don't miss it AT ALL!

anyway hope washing was fun and I know you know it but you are AWESOME!

womb for improvement said...

I'm loving your blog. But the day I added it to my infertility blogroll you announced you are pregnant (congrats by the way) will move you to the B.A.B.I.E.S (Blogs About Being Infertile Eventually Succeed) list soon.

Keep blogging though I need your insights for when I eventually learn to relax and get up the duff

womb4improvement x

alicia said...

wow thats a pain! but way to make the convo soo funny! loved it.

where are you going on your cruise?? I am leaving for my alaska cruise tmr morning! have fun!

Monica said...

got to love insurance, you just try and do your part and they act like it is a big problem. Good luck and hope you find a hospital.... :)

Tricia said...

ack.. Insurance companies suck. I doubt most people know where are delievering right away. I am annoyed for you but, incredibly happy and I can't wait to hear your next beta number.

Tricia said...

ack.. Insurance companies suck. I doubt most people know where are delievering right away. I am annoyed for you but, incredibly happy and I can't wait to hear your next beta number.

DC said...

LOL! Insurance companies are sooooo evil. Grrr.

Michelle said...

hmmm...all insurance companies must go to the same training sessions where they learn to be idiots--surely no one can be that stupid without coaching.blah. (NCLM)

Laura said...

First, completely agree... insurance companies suck.
Second, amazing that I finally found someone else who has a hatred of cotton balls. I use tp to remove polish bc I hate cotton balls so much and if a bottle of medicine has a cotton ball in it, I use tweezers to get it out. Ick... it gives me goosebumps thinking about touching it.

Veronica said...

lol...yeah, sounds like calls i use to make to my former insurance company.

from nclm

C said...

LOL

Similarly, when I was calling around to investigate day care centers, the one affiliated with my hubby's employer informed me that they have more than a one-year wait for the infant room. So basically the women are calling immediately after they have pregnancy sex. Oh to be that fertile.

Tanya said...

Well... that's just ridiculous. The extent of my preparation for giving birth was to call my doctors office and tell them my water broke... so what do I do now? Oh, ok I'll be at the hospital in 12 hours then if I'm not in labour (who needs birth classes after all, I went, I pushed, I got baby).

You should emigrate to Canada... I'm just saying...

Anonymous said...

I love your Blog...my favorite thing to read on the internet... So happy for you!! Forget the insurance industry, you should be a writer.. You are brilliant.