Monday, July 14, 2008

Fear: It's Kind of Like Herpes...

...or so I would imagine.

I've had herpes before. You probably have, too. Maybe you never knew that you had herpes, because someone gave it a really nice name, like Chicken Pox.

I got the chicken pox when I was 18 - three days before prom my senior year. Yes, I managed to avoid the chicken pox my entire childhood when most people just get it overwith. Hell! Despite touching a friend's pox, sharing writing utensils, sleepovers, and basically licking live sores!

The doctor gave me an excuse to miss the last week of school. That was really nice of her, right?

Except that on the excuse, she wrote that my illness was "Herpes: Varicella." Thanks a lot, asshole.

So after I went to the doctor to get the shiny brand new Chicken Pox vaccine, my mom took me to school to turn in my excuse. She handed it over to the secretary, that typcial, nosy bitch secretary who knows everyone's business and made it her business to make it everyone else's business? Yeah. That one. She is the one who got my Herpes excuse.

Her eyes got big.
She wrinkles up her nose.
She gagged back a giggle.
She looked at my mom.
She looked at me.
She looked at my mom.
Then we left.

Time goes on, I still go to prom but can't go to after prom because it was at Cedar Point and there was no way I was riding roller coasters with the Pox. Or the Herp, whatever you prefer.

About a week later, at breakfast at Bob Evans, we run into the secretary.

Secretary: How was the after prom guys?

Boyfriend: Oh, we didn't get to go.

Secretary: No? Why not?

Me: Well, since I had the chicken pox, the doctor said I should stay home.

Secretary: That's what you had? Chicken Pox?? OOOOHHHH.

Me: Are you using your fork? Or can I stab myself in the heart with it?


The thing about Herpes is that Herpes is an asshole.
Herpes pretends to go away, then kind of lingers around until a most inconvenient time (like prom, or new boyfriend sex, if your herpes is of the genital variety).

Herpes is a lot like fear.

12 comments:

Dee said...

Yes, I had herpes last week! It's a cold sore on my upper lip, a kind of herpes too. Ha. Not sure if it's due to the treatment which I'm going through but I haven't had it for 5 years! In this part of the world I'm in, there's NO cold sore cream except Zovirax which doesn't help once it's full blown. Thank God it's healing now.

BB and MTB said...

The fear does not go away when you see two lines. The best advice to take things one day at a time. Hope you are feeling strong...

asshole said...

I hate that loud mouth bitch. Oh well, everyone talks about how her daughter's husband has slept with at least NINE women that she know of!!!! Heheheh I love gossip.

Shanny said...

I got Chicken Pox within the first few days of getting to this country. Starting high school with "herpes"? Not fun... as if it wasn't tough enough...

By the way, I would have loved to use that fork on the secretary... that's just me though =)

hairyfarmerfamily said...

Ahhh, the fear. Yes. I remember the fear. The bugger of it is, it never really goes away. I still hover over my sleeping nearly-one year old, heart in my mouth because I can't hear him breathing. It feels pretty much the same as when I was desperately searching for his heartbeat with my doppler. I expect it'll feel the same when he's late home from school. Or the pub!
I never knew Chicken Pox was Herpes! Poor you. That was a bastard sick note!

Jill said...

Chicken Pox at prom REALLY sucks :( Did you look like a game of connect the dots in your pictures?

Mrs. Higrens said...

I thought it was bad when I got the Pox in middle school. But to have prom affected? The Pox is an asshole.

(BTW: Is the vaccine really effective after the fact?)

Anonymous said...

I don't get it. If you had chicken pox, why did you get the vaccine???
Sorry, I'm just not quite following this.

Jen said...

The vaccine after the fact stopped any additional infection. So I only had sores on my chest and back since they had started before the shot.

But really not the point at all...

Io said...

Yargh. I get cold sores when I am stressed/hormanal. So not only is it there to pop up, but it flares with the stress. Ug.

Tiffanie said...

ahahaha, jen has herpes! (sung in an annoying sing-song voice) next time we hang out i am wearing a haz-mat suit:)

btw, cute pic of a pic of your little bean. next time can you take a pic of the pic's reflection in the mirror?

Jaci said...

Ugh, poor you! You doctor must have been an idiot. At least it makes a good story now, right?