Saturday, July 19, 2008

I Miss My RE

Words I never thought I would mumble…

First OB appointment? More like disappointment.

I have been seeing this doctor for my run of the mill vagina issues (pap, urinary tract infections, etc) for about 5 years now, and I absolutely loved him. He was always very nice, very willing to explain things when I asked questions, blah blah blah. So it was an easy choice for me to stay with him, even though it's 45 minutes from home and about the same from Mark's work.

Our appointment was at 4:00 on Thursday. At 5:00, after we watched 6 people come and go, I went to the desk to make sure I was on the list. "Yes, you're on the list, we are behind. What are we seeing you for, anyway?"

*Bangs head on glass partition; takes tissue out of purse to wipe forehead grease mark off glass*

"Well, this will be my first pregnancy visit." Duh.

"And we're seeing you for….?"

"Um, I am pregnant. After IVF. I've had two blood tests and an ultrasound to confirm viability. So you tell me what you're seeing me for."

"Hmph. OK, well we'll call you back soon."

Another 20 minutes later, we head back to a teeny tiny broom closet with an exam table and a Doppler. Now, I know that I should not be filled with absolute dread at the thought of a Doppler. I know that I should be fine with the fact that at 8 weeks, it's nearly impossible to detect a heartbeat with a Doppler. I should be prepared for the fact that the nurse is going to have to search around and we may or may not find the heartbeat.

I should, but I am TOTALLY NOT OK WITH THAT. Despite my requests for just an ultrasound, we still had to waste 10 minutes with the Doppler. Finding no heartbeat, except the pounding of mine, practically having a heart attack because OMG THEY CAN'T FIND THE HEARTBEAT! WOE! My cupcake hath rotted and died!

So I'm laying on the table, clenching my fists, curling my toes, and trying to breathe while holding in the urge to scream:

JUST GET IN MY VAGINA ALREADY!

Finally, at about 5:30, we meet with the doctor who will do our ultrasound. He is so rude – nothing like he has been for the past 5 years! He came in the room and didn't introduce himself to Mark, and he pretty much talked directly to me the entire time. I asked him questions and got short, bullshit answers. I asked what he generally does during the entire pregnancy as far as visits go; he says he doesn't get into that on the first visit and he will tell me in two weeks! WTF? We were rushed through the entire appointment, not to mention that nobody apologized for the hour and 20 minute wait! Assholes.

We did get our ultrasound, but it was not internal so we couldn't really hear the heartbeat. He did find it though, and instead of being a baby embryo Mommy and forgetting, I did manage to get the heart rate: 162. No measurement – he just asked me what my due date was and wrote it down.

I don't know. I was so excited for my first OB appointment, and I left there completely disappointed. I wanted to run back to the safety of the RE office, where they understand everything we've been through to get here. It should have been a happy visit, and I just left there all pissed off and nauseous because I hadn't eaten in about 4 hours by the time we got home.

We're looking at other OBs right now.

The morning sickness? It continues. About 15 minutes after my post saying it was all better, it was back with a vengeance. This is now how I picture my little Cupcake:


GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Feed me – but don't try to eat meat, or I will eat your left lung….mwahahah!


Am now vegetarian. Had mashed potatoes for dinner last night. Carbs. All carbs, all the time.

Send Boca Burgers and a case of Tums ASAP.

50 comments:

Anonymous said...

I vote for a new OB too. He sucks. The transition from RE to OB should be much smoother and should include a caring OB after the switch. What a jerk. Hope your next appt goes better and congrats on remembering to get that stellar heartrate!

craftypants said...

wow, what a nightmare. You deserve someone who is going to make you feel great and empowered.. good luck on the search for a new OB. Great cupcake pic...

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

Your OB sounds terrible. you should write him a letter telling him how terrible he is.
Sorry you're still feeling sick...glad you're still pregnant. Boca burgers on the way.

PJ said...

That's just craziness, for all you've been through you should be pampered and whatnot. Definitely get a different doctor!

My mom said, in her highest hope that this IVF thing is going to work out for us, that she dreaded getting up in the morning during her 1st trimester. She said that she was felt pukey ALL day. Reassuring for her to tell me that, huh?

Hopefully your sickness will be gone within the next few weeks and you'll find a great doctor.

Katie said...

Sending you email on some possible local OBs. I agree, you need a new one.

BB and MTB said...

Crap - so sorry that this was such a let down! Ob's should be better than that. I hope you find a new one that you like even better - or if you decide to give this guy another shot, I hope he was simply having a crappy day and he improves 100%.

M/s sucks. No doubt about it.

MamaSoon said...

Oh wow! That was not at all how I envisioned this would do. What a poop head. Maybe he was having an off day. You said he wasn't normally like that. I hope it gets better or you find someone better.

I'll bet he is an arse because most women haven't had any ultrasounds by then and that there are miscarriages so he doesn't want to get too sweet on the first round. I get that he might have a 'system' but he isn't very... well honoring the process you've been through to get here.

Meghan said...

Sorry about the OB--definitely find a better OB. I asked my RE for a rec since my previous dr had just done gyno and he has been amazing. Had a phone consult with my RE before the appt so he'd be up to date on everything and has always been wonderful. I would most definitely make the switch.

Glad you at least got a peak at little cupcake, sorry he's making you sick all the time

Jen said...

I am glad you are looking for a better one! My scientific OB finding method was to get the insurance company list out and then call in order of closeness to my house. I hung up on any that didn't answer their phone fast enough or put me on hold for too long. (That was my biggest problem with my OB in Idaho- I could never get them on the phone or to call me back, even when I was bleeding.) It ended up working pretty well.

DawnsRecipes said...

I'm glad you've already made the decision to look for a new OB. Saves me the trip of coming down there and dragging you around looking for a new one. This guy sounds like a turd.

betz said...

WTF! I can't believe your OB did that to you...especially after all the hard work to get to the point you're at! What a JERK! ITA w/ you...a new doc should be in order!

I'm glad you got to hear/sort of see your little cupcake! Love the pic of her! :D Too cute!

Enjoy your carbs...KFC mashed potatoes did the trick for me! GL!

Anonymous said...

You should get a midwife so you can get the TLC you deserve. OBs are surgeons and schedule 15 min appointments if you're lucky.

Sarah said...

Jen,
First and foremost, congrats!! I just found this blog and sat down and read juuuust about the entire thing. Until my husband asked me to come to bed *wink wink*.(its day 10...Dr. says every other day) But before I go....
A.) DEF find a new OB, anyone that is that much of a prick, doesnt deserve to look at your girly bits! The jerk.
And 2.) You had me laughing to the point of tears and snorts! Just so ya know. Snorts Jen, SNORTS! I havent snorted in a while. Thanks love!

momofonefornow said...

Life is waaayyyy too short for that. Dump the guy and send him a letter telling him what a prick he is!

You might try calling the RE's office for a recommendation. I got lucky, my RE's wife was a nurse for my OB. She was awesome and very understanding the whole time. Definitely get a recommendation from the RE, save yourself the stress.

Anonymous said...

(Courtney whose idea of her username and password seem to differ from Blogger and I am too inept to find the "forgot your password?" link that other sites make so much more prominent.) So glad that you got to see your little cupcake again. THAT SAID, boo on your OB and his practice for handling your very momentous new graduate appointment so poorly. OBs not only can but do come through much better both generally and specifically for IVF patients who get PREGNANT. I may have complained on the Redbook site about the whole LMP thing and the Radiologist being kinda insensitive BUT GOOD GRIEF your practice was lacking on just about every front (punctuality; graciousness and appropriate apologeticness for running late; respect for partner if present; reassurance and encouragement and sensitivity to what you've been through and reassurance you might specifically need as a result--lacking, lacking, lacking!) I am glad you are searching for someone else and hope your RE can give you some good leads! While my RE will ALWAYS be Dr. Wonderful to me and always kinda have first chair in the doctor gratitude department (tied with pediatrician now), my OB practice ended up being pretty special to me as well and they sure were great about answering questions and reassuring me and everything I could want. You deserve that--every patient does-- and I hope you find a really great new practice quickly--in fact, for your very next appointment!

Amy said...

Sorry your OB sucked. You'll find a good one, and I'm glad your cupcake's doing well!

Cairo Mama said...

Get a new doctor! Do it now! Get to someone you feel comfortable with, with a good staff. When you start thinking about the birth experience, you want someone who will listen to you and work with you to get you what you want. Plus, you need to have you questions answered seriously and respectfully. Just because they do this all the time doesn't mean that they should treat you as if YOU do this all the time.

Emily said...

Oh, that SUCKS. Switch to another OB. Now. Sorry to hear your first appointment was spoiled. I can't believe he acted like such a jerk, especially after you had to wait for so long!!

seriously? said...

Wow, I was looking forward to my first OB visit too. Maybe not now! They couldn't even squeeze me in until 10 weeks.

I am a vegetarian and have given out recipeies to preggers friends. If you need some, let me know.

rosesdaughter said...

I'm so sorry for your disappointment! Get another OB!!!

E_Sharp said...

Its terrible how they can ruin some of the most exciting moments of your life with their shitty bedside manner.
I decided at my 1st preconception appt with my GP (where all she told me was to take PNVs) that I was going with a midwife. Maybe check it out? It doesn't necessarily mean granola... at least not where I am.
Everything I have heard says that the experience is a MILLION times better. 45 min appts, personal attention. Crazy right?

Good luck!

Lorrie said...

After everything you've gone through to get to where you are, your OB should treat you and Mark with the respect and kindness you deserve, regardless of whether or not he was having a bad day. Sheesh!! Glad you'll soon be rid of the meanie....

Michell said...

Yeah, I'd vote for a new doctor too. The guy sounds like an ass and not like the kind of doc you want to deal with for the rest of your pregnancy.

Tricia said...

Oh I am so sorry about your visit. That is the exact reason I am using a midwife. I will get a hour long visit each time I go in. Very personalized. I also can't stand my OB and I just haven't seen the point in switching since I was at the RE and then will be using the MW. I hope the MS gets better!

~S said...

I would find a new doctor for sure. Unless he can explain to you his behavior (maybe he had a major family crisis that day....) otherwise, if he sees nothing wrong with your experience, than switch doctors. there are more than enough to go around. and, if you do confront him, and he realizes you had such a bad experience, they will be more careful with you (and others) in the future. good luck.

Murgdan said...

What a dick! Definitely change. Infertile or not...who would want to see someone like that???
I actually have my first 'can't get pregnant' appointment coming up next week with my GYN and I'm terrified of being blown off (which would be fine I guess because I'd just haul off to make an RE appointment...)

L. said...

I'm really sorry you had such a rotten appointment! Because you had a good five years with him previously, I'd let him know about your issues after you switch or even now. It could really be helpful, and I think he'll value your opinion given you've been with him for so long. I can think of a few reasons he might have been that way--1) simple off day; 2) sounds like there were some crossed wires about why you were there, maybe he was unprepared for your visit in some way; 3) maybe he is uncomfortable, knowing your history (lots of trying/IF, this pregnancy means a lot to you, still early days, etc.), and his awkwardness comes off as rudeness; 4) as someone else said, maybe because it is early days, and because this pregnancy does mean a lot, he is trying to be very brisk and matter-of-fact without getting anyone too excited (not the right approach to take, but again, people do dumb stuff and I guess IF is nto his specialty so it may not come as naturally to him)....None of these are excuses, really, but since you did have a much better past experience with him, I'd give him some kind of communication about what he did wrong before you entirely disappear, if you can.

I am not IF but I had an otherwise warm and sympathetic doctor act in a way that seemed very cold and brisk when I came in for my first (planned, wanted) pregnancy at 8 weeks and signs showed something was probably wrong (blighted ovum as it turned out). I think she felt that was the best way for her to be as my doctor when delivering bad news. This is a different situation but I guess doctors are awkward dumb people too, sometimes, and can act like jerks without meaning to, or even thinking they're doing the right thing.

JenM said...

I'm sorry you had such a disappointing experience with your OB. I'm glad you're looking for someone new, and I hope you start feeling better (but not too much better, you earned that morning sickness!) soon.

J. Nelson said...

I think I would have used the probe on him. Just to make sure he had a heart. What an ASS!

Bad day or not the attitude needed to go.

Hope you find a new OB fast.

Anonymous said...

Um, get thee to a new OB, pronto. I can't believe then even tried the doppler on you - were they trying to freak you out? That behavior was completely unacceptable. You should change doctors, and then call/send a letter explaining why you've moved.

Glad you had a nice strong heartbeat, that's awesome!

Mrs. Higrens said...

I'm so sorry that your OB didn't give you the warm fuzzies, especially after your slight reluctance to go back to him in the first place.

I'll cross my fingers that you are able to find an OB who is much closer both in terms of travel, and in terms of caring.

Bec said...

What a sucky OB! Am sorry that it turned out like that hon, you deserve to have someone who treats you well and understands how you are feeling about all of this. Damn, at least someone who cares enough to be nice!

Allison said...

I'm sorry you had a horrible experience at the OB. I hope you find a new one where you can have a better experience.

Rebekah said...

One appointment with an OB was enough to send me running for a midwife. Yep. We haven't regretted it for a moment, and we're 30w1d today (after 4.5 years of IF). Homebirth may not be for everyone, but knowing that my healthcare provider actually CARES about me and my progress does wonders.

courtney said...

I think I'm in love with the nurse at my RE's office. I think that type of medicine just breeds a more thoughtful Dr. Regular OBGYN's often just get into it because they like doing surgeries and didn't want to take the time to do a full surgical residency.
(okay, that comment was a little spiteful, I know).
Anywho, good luck finding a new dr.!

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Gah that sucks! Having a good relationship is so important. Definitely leave if you're not feeling that support.

Anonymous said...

WHAT THE F***???? You know, I work at a hospital and if one of our doctors had acted that way with a patient, he just might be looking for a new job! I hate MDs that are like that, but ESPECIALLY the ones that have to get all up in your lady business. Nasty/mean/obnoxious OBs and GYNs are the worst. Like, it's not bad enough that you are elbow deep in my vagina, but you have to give me attitude to boot? Run (do not walk) to a new doc!!! And write the old one a nasty letter explaining that he and his pinhead poor excuse for a registration nurse (why are you here??? really? Why is SHE there? freaking pinhead.) are the reason why he is loosing your business. Freaking ass wipe.

Rebecca said...

Jen -

I don't know what you have available to you in the area, but I would definitely recommend seeing a midwife. When I got pregnant after three IVFs I picked a practice that had both midwives and doctors. Throughout my whole pregnancy I only had to see a Dr. once (who was late, abrupt and didn't tell me much) for a prescription for my gestational diabetes. The midwives were wonderful! They were almost always on time and would spend time with you talking about the pregnancy and any questions you had. They were great with the birth too (which I had in a hospital but using a midwife). So, if you have a good practice in your area that has both doctors (in case you become high risk) and midwives (who can handle more than you would think), I would highly recommend it!!!

Kara said...

I'm sorry your OB appt. wasn't all you had hoped for, but yay for morning sickness? I know it always made me feel "good" during my pregnancy after multiple losses... Yay-er for ultrasounds and getting to see Cupcake, though! Speaking of cupcakes, how was that place in Hudson? I live right down the road but have never been there... do I need to make plans to try it? A Cassada cupcake sounds amazing.

Tiffanie said...

gah! give that bastard the heave ho. i always thought he was nice. will keep his asshole-ness in mind if ever searching for a new dr. good luck finding somone else.

Carrie27 said...

I'm so sorry! I hope you are able to find someone who is willing to talk to you more and truly treat you the way you should be and not just as another pregnant woman coming in.

Jodi said...

I TOTALLY feel your pain. When I went from the RE to my OB, it was like day and night. I was used to internal u/s and special attention with the RE's office. Now the OB treats me like any other pg woman! I did get to go for my BIG u/s 2 weeks earlier than what my OB normally sends women for, and I did get to have a perinatologist do it, but that's about all the special treatment I've received :P I miss my RE too :(

Jodi said...

I TOTALLY feel your pain. When I went from the RE to my OB, it was like day and night. I was used to internal u/s and special attention with the RE's office. Now the OB treats me like any other pg woman! I did get to go for my BIG u/s 2 weeks earlier than what my OB normally sends women for, and I did get to have a perinatologist do it, but that's about all the special treatment I've received :P I miss my RE too :(

Mel said...

Oh drat about the OB!
I have learned just because they can do a pap, doesn't mean they are worth a dime.
I hope you find someone better soon... really soon.

I love mashed potatoes, they are so rocking my boat right now. So are smoothies and Grand's buttermilk biscuits. OMG I could live on those biscuits with strawberry jelly. Yum!

*hugs*

sarah23 said...

What a horrible experience!

I haven't seen my OB yet. FOr appt #1 (10 weeks, I saw an NP) and I will see another NP for appt #2 (14 weeks) tomorrow. I will not see my actual OB until about 17 weeks. I guess at that point, I'll try to see if I like her (she did a Pap smear on me back in 2006, and that's all I know of her.) It did disturb me that all of my prenatal visits (already scheduled thru mid December) are scheduled as 15 minute slots. I want more TLC than that, I think.

RainbowW said...

you deserve an OB who has the courtesy to do shit like ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS and TREAT YOU LIKE AN ADULT.

remember that they have a lot of people in their office to pay -- book keepers, nurses, techs, and so on -- yet they are the only ones actually earning the money, so they need to keep to a tight schedule to earn the money to pay those people. so please forgive them if the realities of managed care mean that they cut short the idle chit-chat. at the same time, you deserve to have them take as much time as you need to answer your legitimate medical questions about your situation, their care methods, and what you can expect in terms of response from their office (turn-around for non-urgent callbacks, turn-around for urgent callbacks, after-hours callbacks, etc). also, ask questions about where to go and what to do and what to say if an emergency arises. (for example, vaginal bleeding at this stage is usually bad and generally merits a trip to the ER, so find out which one to go to and what to do when you arrive.)

however, you should know that a lack of punctuality is endemic to any obstetrical office. obstetricians have basically two choices for their method of practice:

1) you can stick your fingers up your appointment patient's hoo-hoo's on time, all day long, or

2) you can stick your fingers up your appointment patient's hoo-hoo's as you can AND deal with the screaming hags who are in preterm labor and about to drop a (possibly dead) baby on the ER waiting room floor if you don't get your donut-filled ass down there to manage their life-threatening crisis RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

but *NOT* both.

so, please leave plenty of time for your appointments, and schedule them first thing in the morning if you can. you will always, always, always be late.

Anonymous said...

Jen find another OB and Quickly! You deserved to be coddled by your OB as much as your RE! I had a woman OB who continued to see me weekly to biweekly for 5 months because of all i had been through(two miscarriages and 1 yr of infertility treatments). WHat a jerk for making you feel bad about a wonderful time that should be all about the wonderful progress and keeping that muffin baking and keeping your anxiety as close to zilch as possible. Good luck in search for a new OB. Don't forget to ask if they have experience with High Risk pregnancies, not that you are one but it will mean that they are used to a little extra TLC with their Moms!

Lisa said...

Oh Jen, I am sorry the OB appointment was so shiteous. If we didn't live in different states I would wonder if we had the same doctor!

P.S. Meat is making me hurl as well! Hang in there carb girl!

Senora Roocell said...

Sorry to hear you had such a crappy first (and last) appointment with your OB. While it is true that OB's are very busy and have a lot to attend to there's no reason they can't have a great "bedside manner" and be attentive and answer questions, especially when it is your first pregnancy. My OB, and his staff, has been fabulous both during the 5 years I've seen him before I got pregnant and during my pregnancy. I guess I took it for granted and maybe I'm just lucky and should be thankful. Too bad you don't live in Houston or I'd totally send you to my OB. Of course if you lived in Houston you'd be miserably hot right now like I am! No fun during the first trimester. Or second...or third. It is often 75 degrees or hotter here in December so I figure I'm screwed no matter what time of year I'm pregnant.

Raena said...

I'm not sure if I missed it while scanning through the newer posts...BUT have you found a new OB???

I am a childbirth educator and I just wanted to encourage you that it is never too late to change doctors. You deserve to be comfortable and treated with respect. In fact, you (and your insurance company) are PAYING that doctor for services rendered...so go get your moneys worth on bedside manner!

Blessings!