Thursday, August 14, 2008

Back, with Belly Pics

I've been incredibly lazy since we got back from Vegas. I still kind of feel like someone should be paying me to walk around, shop, be fabulous, and eat a lot of food. And take prostitute cards from the 400 people on the strip shoving them in my face.

Vegas was awesome, and I can't wait to go back.* We briefly considered hiring a prostitute whose card advertised a $35 special, to come to our room and pack for us on the last night. Because hot damn if our feet weren't killing us! But the card was all the way across the room, and our feet hurt too bad to go get it to get the number.** Oh well.

So! Pregnant! Still! Unbelievable!

Here's me, in my bathing suit at our Vegas hotel room***, at 11 weeks:



Again, in the morning. To illustrate my point about the belly explosion that occurs once I eat, here are morning and night belly pics for 12 weeks:



Morning Shot. Clearly, a bump but not huge. The only offensive thing about this picture is the VISIBLE PANTY LINE...I am ashamed of myself. But my thongs are all too tight and I have no idea where to get industrial sized thongs to fit big pregnant asses. (I guess I should go back to Motherhood?)



Night Shot. Hot damn, girl! Is you havin twins? What are you, like 20 weeks?!

And more VPL. I am going to have to stop making fun of people with the VPL because I am one of them. Maybe I can start a new trend?

Hey everyone! It's sexy to be too fat for your thongs and be forced to switch to granny panties that you can see through your work pants! HOT and SEXY! And not at all disgusting and frumpy!

Anyway, I have a lot of other things to tell you about, but I'm done for tonight because I have a skull crushing migraine.

I've been tagged for, like, 5 different things in the past couple months, and haven't done any of them. So if you tagged me and I was a stuck up bitch about it, can you remind me? I'll do them, I swearz.

*We can never go back, because daycare is $700/month, because I'm not sure if you heard, but apparently babies are really fucking EXPENSIVE.
** I promise. We didn't call a hooker, and we wouldn't. I think you'd probably catch the clap just by breathing the same air. And also? Breasts make me really uncomfortable.
***The Paris, I loved it.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are adorable, and P.S. I love your bathing suit!!! I can't wait to see you!! Gotta run, I believe Crystal may be joining Jay and I for a bit of a porch monkey night ;)

Kristen

Shauna said...

you aren't big at all!

Clever Girl said...

I have that bathing suit! I've been lurking for a little while on your blog, so I thought I'd say hello. I am just now attempting to get pregnant with the help of modern medicine, so your blog is encouraging. And your belly is cute.

Jen said...

I would like to vote that bellies are bigger at night because of gravity, not food. If I lay around all day, my stomach is much smaller. But being up and dealing with gravity seems to pull the stomach out. Plus, the two blog people I've seen pictures of who are on bedrest have much smaller stomachs than those that walk around all day. See, scientific proof for you. :)

You look great, by the way.

Sarah said...

They HAVE to make bigger thongs. I mean big girls like to feel sexy too? You should have called one of the hookers and asked if THEY knew where to buy them? If anyone would know, I think it would be them.

Emily said...

Welcome home! Great post! I LOL at having the hooker pack for you :)

You look cute as can be, girl!!

Anonymous said...

I love Vegas! Josh and I have a bunch of stripper cards from our honeymoon. There are even some in our wedding scrapbook...

Kristen

Lost in Space said...

Welcome back! I'm glad you enjoyed Paris. We stayed there once and thought it was great too.

Cute belly you have growing there. (:

BrandiH2007 said...

Your baby bump is looking so cute! Morning and night.

Glad to hear you had fun on vacation. And I'm with you, I don't think I'd want a hooker touching my clothes. But Sarah had a point. They could probably tell you where to get bigger thongs.

Jendeis said...

Bathing suit is very cute; the day outfit looks nice too. Don't think you are large enough, but Lane Bryant (Cacique) carries thongs and seamless granny panties that absolutely have no VPL.

MamaSoon said...

cute suit and you are teeny tiny. :-) love the bump.

Aunt Becky said...

Mimi Maternity has maternity thongs.

And I, at a mere 15 weeks, look like I've been eating McDonald's for 15 or so weeks. Which isn't terribly inaccurate. Sadly.

You look sexy, dude.

JenM said...

What a cute little bump! My best friend said end of the day was always bigger, and maternity shirts make you look way more pregnant.

No experience yet myself, of course.

g said...

TAg your IT!

KimboSue said...

The bump is so precious!Glad you didn't call a hooker. I was thinking the same thing - catching something just being in her/his presence. You never know, it could really be a MAN!

alicia said...

welcome back! glad you had a great time, I am loving all your belly shots!

battynurse said...

What a cute bump. I loved Vegas too but have never been back either. It's been like 6 years.

Cairo Mama said...

You can get maternity thongs. They really are different than regular thongs in a bigger size. Last time, I just got a bigger size regular thong and it was too big in the back and not quite big enough around. Going for maternity thongs this time.

Tricia said...

You are awesome. I have been jonesing for your posts. Maybe you could have hired a prostitute to write you posts!

That would have been amazing. By the way, your belly is cute as ever!

Jill said...

I think you look great and I love your swimsuit. :-)

Jen-I think you could make granny panties sexy. I did LMAO at your visible panty lines..

Jill said...

I think you look great and I love your swimsuit. :-)

Jen-I think you could make granny panties sexy. I did LMAO at your visible panty lines..

Anonymous said...

Jen-
You have the cutest bump ever! I can't believe you are almost in your 2nd tri!

sarah said...

My cousin wore materinty thongs--either motherhood or nordstrom.

Amy said...

You have such a cute little baby bump!!

My MIL gave me granny panty maternity panties, for Mother's Day. Ok, a little weird right?! Especially since my MIL and I get along so well (insert eye roll here).

Let me tell you.... most.comfortable.panties.EVER!

Mel said...

You know... I was really beginning to feel like a freak with this weird protruding bump so early at just shy of 12 weeks (it really came out this week) but your post has just made me feel somewhat normal again.
THANK YOU!
*hugs*

alison said...

psst... I nominated you for an award... stop by my blog to pick it up...

Io said...

Please send me your bathing suit as you are pregnant and it will not fit any longer. Wait, that's gross. But I still like it. And I would never fit in it even not pregnant.

seriously? said...

I don't think you look that big (maybe because I look about the same).

I finally went to that stinky store you have mentioned and got the bands. I actually feel human in my clothes. I also bought some regular shirts that should work for the next couple of months. Gotta love the empire waists and stuff.

seriously? said...

I don't think you look that big (maybe because I look about the same).

I finally went to that stinky store you have mentioned and got the bands. I actually feel human in my clothes. I also bought some regular shirts that should work for the next couple of months. Gotta love the empire waists and stuff.

courtney said...

Cute bathing suit!
When is your next ultra sound? You look great!

Anonymous said...

Once again, I can't tell you how much I appreciate having your blog to read...I'm one week behind you and going through the exact same thing. Was at a BBQ party the other nite and by the end, all these moms were ooh-ing and ahh-ing at my big belly. I totally looked 4 months pregnant. Then I woke up, and it disappeared. Thought maybe it was a dream! Very cool magic trick indeed. Glad I'm not the only one!

Faith said...

You look beautiful. Glad you had a big trip to Vegas.

Anonymous said...

Sexy too!

**mrsl** said...

HA! The best part is the nice little "Vanna Point" at the bump!

Anonymous said...

hanky panky thongs - even though they aren't maternity - are pretty damn great. I'm 36 weeks (and 20 lbs heavier) now and they still fit!

Bec said...

Am totally loving the bump :D