Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Excuse Me Willis, Could You Please Repeat That?

Maybe it’s a little hard to believe, but I don’t really have anything to complain about.

You’re probably thinking, or saying aloud right this very moment, “Excuse me Willis, could you please repeat that?”

Except instead of Willis, maybe you say Jen. Since that is my name.

It’s so much easier for me to blog when I am pissy and annoyed. It’s so much more comical, in my opinion, when I am neurotic and stressed and exposing my Lady Business for all of Northeast Ohio.

And maybe you can seal these words up in plastic wrap (so that they are fresh when I eat them later), but right now I am just really excited. And happy...?

Excuse me Willis, Could You Please Repeat That?

Yes, friends, I think I may be getting a little less neurotic about this pregnancy, and a little more convinced that I am going to eventually give birth to an actual human being and not just a giant gas bubble (Congratulations, it’s a fart!) or a helium balloon.

That sounds fairly smug.
Is it?

I’m excited for my appointments, instead of dreading the inevitable news that woe! Bad things have happened!

I haven’t shown a medical professional my vagina in…weeks? Surely, the world is ending.

I can chat up a fertile pregnant lady without an eye twitch or sweaty brow, and I can (mostly) ignore the obnoxious remarks that would once make me seethe with anger.

I’m buying unfun things like diapers and wipes when I go to the grocery store.

I read an entire pregnancy book. And nothing bad happened!

Am considering a change in my URL – www.smugepper.com (Am not responsible for anything that comes up if you click on that link and something really disgusting happens. I haven’t checked. I’m just saying…)

So the entire point I am making here is that I don’t know if I’m a very stellar blogger when I am happy and excited. I don’t feel compelled to post more than once a week when I post my belly pic (but I will post week 14 later this week). Nobody likes a blogger who posts random crap just to post and get comments, myself included.

The only complaints I have had lately involve being too fat for my clothes, and thus having very few things to wear. And I have been promptly told by a couple readers to shut the eff up, with one person telling me that I have no right to complain about being fat, because she has PCOS and is thus fatter than I. (or me, whichever is proper.)

Since I have no problem with my ever expanding waistline, and also would like to avoid a “who is fatter, who is skinnier” compliment begging contest, I will quit complaining about my lack of wardrobe options and will just buy bigger clothes. I have no desire to be the pregnant person who complains about being fat, and even though that was never really what I was saying, I would like to no make my readers feel murder-y.

As far as we’re all concerned, I am a sacred vessel and have a beautiful bowl of jelly that is about 10% baby, 70% noxious gasses, and 20% McDonalds Grease and Easy Mac.

I make no promises to quit complaining about the VPL (visible panty line, if you live under a rock). It’s a growing epidemic.

38 comments:

seriously? said...

Hey Lady! I feel the same way. Now that the news is getting out and my news breaking crisis is over I don't have complaints. I am happy, feeling well and starting to actually believe I am preggers and not just fat.

I too have the clothes problem. I will be off to ON to size some of their stuff soon then buying online...oh and they have pregnant lady thongs there.

BB and MTB said...

It is certainly easier to blog when you have nothing good to say, but I've also tried to use mine as a journal of sorts to document how I'm feeling (physically and emotionally). I want to remember every bit of this experience.

I am a huge VPL offender. Sorry, but I have to wear underwear and I can't stand the thong up the crack. Tell me it took some for you to get used to it.

Elle Charlie said...

For what it's worth, I find you funny when you're happy and feeling well adjusted. I too tend to blog more when I'm not :)

Elle Charlie said...

For what it's worth, I find you quite amusing even when you're happy. :) I haven't been reading your blog long so I don't know if you're just completely off the hook funny when you're feeling neurotic... but I definitely chuckled at happy.

momofonefornow said...

I think you are still funny when you are happy. Don't stop blogging and ignore the I'm fatter than you are crap. We are all fat in our own minds (or, many of us for real) so there is no reason to compete!

Sarah said...

Dude, seriously! Complain all you want! If people dont like it, they dont have to read your blog. No ones making them after all.
I for one, think you have every right to complain your little heart out.

Jen said...

I am so glad that you are happy and smug. I like happiness!

another julia said...

Happy is good--enjoy your pregnancy! I promise not to feel murder-y. :)

Shanny said...

Your happy post is just as good as you pissy ones lol
I'm glad you are feeling good and excited, yay! And complain if you must about the tight clothes. Its part of your pregnancy journey to grow and feel bigger, it is after all what a baby would make your body do =) so its a good thing and maybe even good complaining? not sure that makes sense... just don't hold back we like full-blast Jen!

Anonymous said...

Awww, I'm so happy for you. And feel free to whine about how fat you feel, even though I think you look so cute!! It is your blog, duh!

poppy.f.seed said...

it is great that you are feeling happy and calm. It is something I aspire to!

Aunt Becky said...

I like you as smug. It's good. And you know what? People will complain about anything you say. I just got told to suck it up and deal with my autistic son's decided lack of peanut butter at his uber-crunchy school.

People are strange.

KimboSue said...

I heart you being smug. It's about damned time! I so enjoy reading you. Something cracks me up every time. And really? Your buying diapers and wipes already?

alicia said...

yay for being happy! I know what you mean though, blogging is so much easier when you can be a whiny bitch and every commentor echos your feelings and you are all like ya! life sucks! rock on! so now being happy, is kinda weird, I agree. But ohh ohh so wonderful, would not change it for the world :) When are you due again?

Mrs. Higrens said...

Oh good. Lack of news is due to no news, not bad news.

Happy Labor Day!

www.andreacaroljones.com said...

I don't think anyone should ever stop complaining or work one putting an end to VPL.

battynurse said...

Glad you are happy and doing well. And complain away. You're thinner than I am but lots of people are and if I was all murdery with all of them I'd be in a bunch of trouble.

annacyclopedia said...

I welcome your good news and non-crisis-enjoyment. You've totally earned it.

And that second last line was pure gold, so I think this happiness thing is good for your blogging.

sarah said...

Well, it is nice to know you are happy! Thanks for checking in!
Go get you some maternity clothes! Mimi is so much nicer than motherhood.

PJ said...

It's FANTASTIC, that you are doing fantastic! You've certainly earned some bliss. :)

PJ said...

It's FANTASTIC, that you are doing fantastic! You've certainly earned some bliss. :)

Lost in Space said...

I'm glad to hear you are doing so well, but what's up with "panty"? I thought that word was banished from your blog. LOL.

Llyn said...

I just want you to know that no matter how ridiculously thrilled you are to be pregnant that you have the right to complain. It's your blog. If someone doesn't like it they can go read another blog that day that aligns with their mood. You are pregnant. Your body is doing amazing work creating that little miracle but it can also wreak havok on you. Maybe it's my own pregnancy hormones surging but I for one have appreciated hearing the ups and the downs with your pregnancy. I'm only about 9 weeks so it's been comical and comforting to hear your take! So thank you! And now enough of my pregnant meanderings.

Anonymous said...

The Gap has great maternity pants...they made me feel less fat when I was preggo. I don't know why, they just did. But I would buy one size larger (even though it's maternity) than you normally wear just in case you're one of those who gains all over. Sorry, I don't even know you but that's how much I liked the Gap maternity pants.

Anonymous said...

I'm delurking to say that I've been reading for awhile, and LOVE your blog- happy,sad, frustrated, or mad, you're hilarious! So imagine my extreme dissapointment when I click on your blog night after night to read the same beginning line of the post, knowing that, alas, there is not to be a new post.

So please- blog away, with whatever it is, even if it's happiness!!! I'm not an infertile-in fact I don't know if I am or not, DH and I aren't trying just yet- but either way I gain so much from reading your words!

Blog away!

-another Jen

Julia said...

Hey fatso....skinny people can feel fat too! We have a right to complain.

VPL is becoming an epidemic. Say godbye to the thong.

andrea said...

oh the problems to have --- fitting into clothes and choosing which is better for baby McDonald's or Wendy's!!

you still crack me up - happy or sad!

and i gave you something special on my blog! (now wake up and check it out!)

Anonymous said...

I am finally pregnant after 3 years, 3 IUIs w/stims and 1 IVF (yes, I know how lucky I am to get there on my first IVF). Your pregnancy is three weeks "older" than mine, and I look to your blog to see how I might feel as time passes. I was so glad to read this post today because it gives me hope that in three weeks I might feel as confident and "smug" as you do! Keep posting happy thoughts!!!

Nichole Jolene said...

congrats on the preggo! i found your blog many moons ago but haven't checked back. i had a life altering surgery and hope to be preggo next year after being married for 14 years with no birth control and no pregnancies. i'll keep reading!

Anonymous said...

Might as well complain about being fat - those "maternal reserves" do not go away in a hurry, so you should probably learn to love them. Don't forget - if you gain the recommended 25-35 lb, with 7 lb of baby and 10 lb of water/amniotic fluid/additional blood volume, there's a whole lot of unaccounted-for weight in that equation.

Kelly said...

I love reading anything and anytime you blog. No matter what mood I'm in, Jen brings me farther up. Thanks.

shiduri said...

I love reading your blog - you have such a wonderful sense of humor that you capture beautifully in your writing...

Bec said...

haha you crack me. Am glad everything is going well :)

Bec said...

haha you crack me. Am glad everything is going well :)

Jill said...

Jen-I always love reading your blog, regardless of your current mood! You're funny, witty, and downright neurotically amusing.

I'm so glad to hear you getting more comfortable with your pregnancy. This is really it hon--you are totally gonna have a baby!!

courtney said...

I agree. You're witty and honestly, I'm just looking foward to hearing your thoughts on pregnancy. Do what you must, but we love your posts!

Anonymous said...

As the person who left the comment about having PCOS and feeling badly when you called yourself fat, I want to apologize for sounding like I was trying to out-fat the fatty. I definitely wasn't. And I 100% wasn't trying to tell you to shut the eff up! As I said, I really love your blog. I'm going to have to proofread like crazy from now on; no more leaving incoherent comments.

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