Friday, September 26, 2008

18 Weeks: Hey, Hey, Hey...

I have a confession to make that the general infertile community is not going to like.

Involving weight gain.

(I can hear you rustling through your grocery bag in search of tomatoes and possibly darts or other sharp objects.)

(Hold please while I step into my full body armor.)

I realize the annoyances I am about to cause, because I have rolled my eyes and given the finger to my computer many, many times after reading about a pregnant person complaining about weight. I've been the person desperate to just get pregnant who wanted to kill or seriously injure someone smug enough to have what I wanted and have the gull to complain about the very things that are supposed to happen.

I get it.

It's not that I don't like my belly. I think I look damn adorable, if I'm being quite honest. I took this 18 week picture this morning, then exclaimed to myself "self, you are the cutest person alive!"



There has been some significant rounding happening in my abdomen this week and look? Who doesn't think that's cute? Who, I say?

(If you do not, please do not bother to comment because lo! I careth not what you think! Spread bitter elsewhere!)

Now that the disclaimers are posted I should probably get to the point.

The point being that I am having a hard time accepting weight gain. I worry about it. I worry about it too much, I'm sure. Every time I weigh myself (every morning), I calculate the acceptable amount of weight gain that I have left and try to imagine how it will spread out over the pregnancy and how much I will end up gaining overall based on what I've gained so far and try to think of healthier things to eat so that I will not gain too much.

I worry that people think I look way bigger than I should at 18 weeks - which has been magnified by the new development this week of having complete strangers ask me OH MY GOD YOU'RE PREGNANT WHEN ARE YOU DUE?

My favorite was, "You're not fat, you're pregnant!" exclaimed as soon as I walked through the door. And I was all, exactly! But...am I that big?

And trust me when I say that I want to bash my own face into the pavement for having these thoughts.

Speaking of bashing my face into the pavement, I think I am stereotypically becoming the emotional pregnant person. Because it was really hard for me not to cry at the end of The Office this week (the Jim and Pam part, not the Toby part) because OH! LOVE! Tis grand!

Other happenings: I should be studying. Right now. Twenty Minutes Ago. Three weeks ago. Am I studying right now? Well, no.

I cannot study at home because I am too distracted by TV, laundry, MY COMFY BED. Those sorts of things. So I usually go to some sort of coffee shop and study because I am forced to get done (except when they have WiFi and I bring my computer).

Sometimes my efforts are thwarted because people think that I look like I am a nice person and want to talk to the people who hang out in coffee shops on the weekends just for shits and giggles. And conversation, apparently? I swear - I am sitting with papers everywhere, books opened, and a look of concentration. Yet, somehow, someone strikes up conversation with me and will.not.stop.talking. no matter how many times I give a one word answer then look away, or just smile and nod and give looks of death.

I don't think that people realize that I'm not that nice. I mean, I don't care what you do for a living or where you vacation, or oh, you're majoring in accounting well let me tell you a story about accounting! NO! GO AWAY!

(Unless your story is about how you somehow found an extra $100 on your books and want to give it to a knocked up grad student you met in a coffee shop as a means of community service. Then we can talk.)

41 comments:

Rebecca said...

I did a post this week about an infertiles right to complain after they get pregnant. You definitely have a right to complain! Just because you had to go to extreme measures to have your baby, doesn't mean you can't complain about all the sucky things pregnancy does to your body.

I was always worried about my weight gain when I was pregnant. Sadly enough, it was the gestational diabetes that finally got it under control and meant that I wasn't a total whale when I finally gave birth.

Oh, and you definitely look cute and very pregnant!

Amy said...

I think you have all the right to complain ... but seriously it is only in this modern society of 'control' and movie stars that the issue of weight gain during pregnancy become such an issue. Your body knows what it needs and you should not deny it ... now I do not believe that this includes processed junk food, if you crave this there is something you need and you need to find a better source.

It may take your body 20 pounds to grow a healthy baby and mine 50 pounds but the key is HEALTHY for mom and baby. If this really is a problem, please talk to someone, I so worry about moms not nourishing their babies.

Also, something to think about ... I have always struggled with weight but when my daughter was born I realized that I did not want her to have the same issues that I did, which came from my mom and how she viewed weight. So I really had to come to terms with some things in order to teach her that she is beautiful!!!!

But complain if you like because you are so very cute and should be proud of yourself and your little one you carry! I love your weekly pictures!

Sarah said...

I dont think your belly is cute. I think its beautiful! You wear pregnancy very well!
You wanna talk huge? When pregnant with my son, I was freakin ginormous! I had gestational diabetes and looked like I was having triplets. On my 5'2" frame 200lbs did NOT work. You Lovie, look like a preggo supermodel!

Aunt Becky said...

Here, now you can be my BFF, okay? How's this: I gain (without even eating donuts, which I love) between 60-90 pounds while pregnant. It happens if I puke every minute or eat McDonald's entire menu all day. I've come to the conclusion that some people just need to gain a ton of weight to make a healthy baby.

And I think that you look lovely. Try and relax if you can (easier said than done, I know. When I got pregnant with Alex, I was obsessed. An unhealthy obsession.), and if you need a chubby shoulder to cry on? I'm just around the corner.

Mandy said...

personallly, you can say what ever you want. I understand the weight thing. I am 11 wks, and really haven't started to gain, but my waistline is getting bigger, and I think to myself-if you are already getting bigger and you haven't gained weight, what are going to look like 20 lbs later? But I personally think you look GREAT! so who cares about the weight, in the end it is so worth it!!

Bekah said...

I can totally see where you're coming from. Before I got pregnant, I would roll my eyes and imagine throttling any woman who was lucky enough to get pregnant who would then freak out about getting fat.

That being said, my OB/Gyn gave me a weight gain limit at my first visit. After which I proceeded to become obsessed about my weight. I've dreaded every visit to the doctor because I'm nervous that she's going to lecture me about my weight gain because, hoo boy, I've definitely blown her limit out of the water now at 34 weeks.

But you know what? She's never mentioned it since that first visit. And I've tried to come to peace with the fact that, yes, I've gained a lot of weight, but I'm healthy. My baby is healthy, and as long as we both continue to be healthy, it doesn't matter how much I gain.

Plus? I may never get pregnant again, so I don't want to spend the rest of my life being ashamed or embarrassed just because I blew up like a whale that one time I was pregnant. And if it takes me a long time to get the weight off? Well, that's fine. Look what I'll have to show for it.

I hope that you are able to become comfortable with your body while your pregnant, but you aren't a bad person to feel the way you do. And also, you're adorable.

Anonymous said...

Trade ya.

Rach said...

I totally agree with you, know exactly where you are, and I have a loving husband who reassures me on a daily basis that "You're PREGNANT not FAT!" I do love him. As Jenny McCarthy once said, this is the only time you get to justify and enjoy being round so get to it. I wish you the best in your pregnancy and you really do look adorable.

sarah23 said...

I'm kinda freaked out by the weight gain, too. Not so much about how I look now, but about how much work it's gonna be to get it off again afterwards. And then I'd like to have another baby or two... (See what an ungrateful selfish infertile I am!).

At 5'5", I worked really hard (ate way too little and exercised, mostly)and dropped from 155 to about 122 lbs back in 2003-2004. I had gained back to about 132 at the time I did all my IUIs, IVF, etc. I'm now at 145 (+13 lbs) at 23w4d. So, I figure that I'll probably gain about 30-35 total, putting me at 162-167 lbs at the end. S (hubby) weighs about 167, so that itself is kinda freaky. I suppose I'll drop to maybe...150 or so after giving birth? Yikes, I just don't feel like making the effort again. But I definitely want to get back around 130. I feel SO much better (physically and mentally) there.

Shanny said...

LOL you crack me up!
Yes you are right: You are the cutest person alive! You damn adorable pregnant woman you. So why are you complaining? Um, because you can get away with it looking as adorable as you do. And you have all the right in the world to feel the way you do =)

Anonymous said...

You, my friend, are just too cute for words!! You look adorable. Love it!!! See you soon!!! I can't wait!

Kristen

kate said...

Adorable.

Mama Seoul said...

You were thin to start with and will probably gain a lot more than 25lbs. I gained 45lbs. It was all belly. I looked cute. Don't weigh yourself right after delivery. You don't lose much right afterwards, but it does go away.

I lost all of just through breastfeeding, no diet or exercise. Though, you really should exercise for your health and to reshape your muscles.

Eat food and try not to eat a lot of junk food and let the weight be what it needs to be.

seriously? said...

Thank god it isn't just me that gets on the scale every morning. I was very heavy growing up and I have a fear of becoming fat. Pregnancy weight worries me too. It doesn't help that DH is the same height as me and weighs about 10 lbs more then me even normally...

You my friend might possibly be the cutest thing right now. I haven't made it past the is she putting on weight? stage yet.

jmg said...

Holy moly! I LOVE it!

Don't worry, I gained 42 L-B's and pushed 180. You look great!

andrea said...

oh jen you look adorable!!! LOVE!

and not the only one who worries about their weight - i mean really, not used to wearing pants any bigger than the ones i have adn i almost cried when i realized a favorite shirt made me look slightly sausage-esche.

polyhex said...

You have the right to complain about anything you want, even though you are so sweetly adorable my teeth hurt.

Jill said...

I think you look fabulous! Complain away-no flames from me. We are women. I don't care what size a woman is, 99% of us would like to be thinner. That's just how it is. You'll lose the weight after the baby. Just enjoy the pregnancy right now!

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

You really DO look adorable! And don't you worry about looking too "big" at 18 wks. Think about the flip side. A friend of mine who is now 35 wks didn't really "pop" until pretty recently. After going through IF, she felt really bad to hear people asking her how far along she was, and giving her weird looks when she told them 29 wks, etc. And she was getting the "Is she just pudgy" looks for a lot longer than most people, too.
Of the 2 problems of Pg after IF, I'd opt for yours :) And you're such a determined gal, that any excess weight you gain now I know you'll be able to shed after birth.

Love that maternity dress, btw!

courtney said...

Keep those pictures coming! You give the rest of us hope, you're beautiful. Bring on the fat, pregnant bodies!

Beautiful Mess said...

Adorable adorable! Maybe you should put up a sign that says "NO TALKING TO ME, unless you have money for me!" Hmmm maybe I'll do that ;o)

Mrs. Higrens said...

Damn adorable indeed.

Jill said...

TOO EFFING CUTE! You're so pregnant! I love it!

Jendeis said...

I think you look gorgeous! Also, put in some earbuds/headphones when you are in the coffeeshop. Don't listen to anything, but it will discourage people from speaking to you.

Amy said...

Way too frickin cute!!

Mel said...

I complain all the time. Pregnant is pregnant no matter how you got there. It is HARD. Those people that tell you "oh, pregnancy is so beautiful and I loved it so much" are so full of crap I want to smack them. THIS is not beautiful, I guarantee.
You look great. Don't be too hard on yourself with weight gain. It's weird and foreign but just remind yourself you won't stay this way. I think you look adorable!!!
*hugs*

Jodi said...

I think you look GREAT! I barely had a belly when I was 18 weeks :( I'm still not as big as people "think" I should be, but I'm measuring right on :) Keep up the good work and forget about the numbers. I get caught up in the weight gain too but I keeep telling myself that in the end I'll have my baby and then I can focus on losing the weight (even though I'm sure I'll find another excuse at that point to put it off).

Mombi said...

You look so freaking adorable that I can barely stand it!

alicia said...

you look great! And I think its normal to worry about weight! Don't feel bad!! I know being a IF that when PG ladies would say, ohh I look so horrible and fat and I miss my skinny jeans and ahhh life is soo rough, that kinda complaining pissed the hell out of me, but you are just concerned, not complaning!

good luck with the studying!

Michelle said...

I gained 50 pounds, surpassed my husband's weight, was in maternity clothes at 8 weeks, and was repeatedly asked if I was expecting twins or if my due date was a mistake.

It was freaky, no doubt about it, but you'll have a healthy baby and lose the weight.

And then people will be asking, "Is that your baby?" while they dubiously eye your svelte waistline.

P.S. You look HOT - go get some artsy pics made to show off that beautiful belly.

JenM said...

You look adorable! I know you know it too, because I think that was our first belly shot that included your head :-)

Embrace the belly. The weight will come off. You earned it! I'm trying not to think about my recommended weight gain. It's scary.

Sarah said...

Ps...I just thought I would share that I think your little cupcake will be born on Feb 13th, maaaaybe the 14th.

www.andreacaroljones.com said...

I think you should look shocked and tell people you aren't pregnant. I used to do that right before I was due. It stopped people in their tracks before they tried to poke me in the belly button.

Anonymous said...

you have every RIGHT to complain! Sure, you went through hell to get pregnant, but you wanted a CHILD, not necessarily to be pregnant. Hell, I think you get MORE of a right to complain because you went through so much.

And you look beautiful. I love your blog!

Kristin said...

You have every right to complain, it's your Blogg sweetie! I also had some light fertility issues so that anger/frustration is very justified.

As for being mean, I will fight you for that title! I was so bad about the "know it alls" telling me what sex my baby was...no matter what they said I always said the opposite just to shut their asses up! I was always ready w/a comeback too. I was buying coffee beans for DH, and this lady said how bad coffee was for my baby, my reply was, "Well gee then I will have to drink my Bailey's straight from now on." If you need more just let me know, I got tons!

As for the weight, the drs will tell you if you need to worry about it. While I only gained 20 w/my first and 25 w/my second I had people all over my ass about it. But b/c I had GSD w/both kids I had to be very careful what and how much I ate but I was never hungry. It will all work out in the end.

Proud To Be A Bitch,
Kristin

Kristin said...

oh p.s.

You look smashingly hot my dear. I would have the same person tell me one week that I needed to gain weight right away only to have them the next week ask me "are you sure your not having twins...ha ha ha". A good reply, "yeah I will let you know when your funny".

Kristin

Julia said...

I think you ROCK. Completely adorable!!!!!

Screw what other people think. You're pregnant....which gives you the right to complain.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm barely a week ahead of you, struggled through a fair amount to ultimately get pregnant via IVF. I judged myself the whole time in my first trimester when I wanted no part of leafy greens and only wants bagels and pizza... how could I not exercise and be the prefect prego I always expected to be. I guess this is step one in accepting who you are as a mother and not always feeling guilty for how you care for your baby and yourself. I personally am enjoying the bump b/c I look less chubby and more pregnant. Plus - as an A cup - the cup finally over-flow-eth and I love it!

Anonymous said...

....and I'm a week behind you, 18 weeks tomorrow and look/feel the same. With me, I'm completely ravenous and can't stop eating. Twice this week I woke up at 3 am to eat breakfast (followed by 2nd breakfast a few hours later). I hit a low point when I ate not only at 3 am, and 7am, but had to eat a third breakfast (egg and cheese sandwich and side of banana bread) at 9 am b/c I was going to otherwise die of hunger! If this continues I'm scared too about what weeks 30-40 will look like.....

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Linda said...

Many congrats, loved reading your story and look forward to following along!

Week 18 Pregnancy