I'm pretty sure I've been feeling the baby move since the end of 15 weeks.
At first, I thought it was gas. For like, 3 days, I kept thinking "My GOD I am filled to the brim with methane!" But then I thought about it, and I realized that I couldn't remember farting at all for the past week despite all the rumbling in my abdominal bulge area.
So I shut up and didn't tell anyone that I was feeling the baby, because I wasn't sure and I didn't want to be the girl who cried quickening when I really just needed a Gas-X and a lot of water. I didn't want to confuse the baby with the proverbial butt trumpet.
But it is definitely the baby, who loves when I drink pop and eat anything.
I think the main confusion was that I was waiting for "flutters." Like, butterflies. But the baby feels more like popcorn popping in my ute - like a fury of little tiny thumps. Like: thump, thump, thumpthumpthump gimme more caesar salad NOW NOW NOW KTHXBYE thump. (I have eaten caesar salads at lunch for three weeks straight. Yum.)
BUMPWATCH: like Baywatch, but less...stupid.
16 Weeks - still at 5 pound weight gain.
17 Weeks - also, still 5 pound weight gain.
Two people have been so bold as to look at my stomach and then ask me about my pregnancy.
The douche at GNC who tried to sell me sports vitamins after I repeatedly told him that, no my husband doesn't work out, lift weights, do cardio, and no he does not have a physically demanding job. Just ring up these Mega Mens for healthy sperm and shut your fucking YAPPER! But no - he went to another sales pitch - What kind of vitamins are you taking, prenatals?
I should've said no, I'm just chubby you bastard. Have any diet pills? Or maybe a side of beef?
A client at work looked at my belly, then said, "When are you due?" When I said February, she cocked her head and said, "Oh, congratulations!" The text bubble that appeared above her head said, "Jesus Christ! You look 8 months pregnant! Lay off the Hostess products!" In my mind, I popped the bubble with my hang nail and told her to kiss my lumpy ass. In reality, I said hey! Thanks!
I sort of wish I had some Hostess products right now...
Other ridiculous things happened this week - I am pretty sure I offended a blind man, my entire left side fell asleep after I slept in my car on my lunch break and a ball scratcher offered to help me inside, and I made a fertile pregnant lady think I was crazy with my attention to pregnancy detail. I also drooled chocolate pop tart all down the front of my white sweater as soon as I got to work. Maybe I'll update again this week - I'm sure you can't live without those details.