Friday, December 12, 2008

Dear Ripley's: I Choose Not

We went on a cruise to the Bahamas for our honeymoon. Our main goal was to come home looking native. Newlywed Sex? Probably. Romance? Eh, if it happens. Eating? Constantly. Sleeping? Certainly. Tanning? OH HELL YES!

Being that we live in Ohio, where there is sun for about 19 days per year (all of them working days), and that our wedding was in March, I'm sure you can imagine the sheer paste covering our collective skin. White like chicken fat is what I call it. People at our wedding had to wear sunglasses just to prevent blindness.

We decided that the best way to meet our tanning goal was to lay out without sunscreen. In the Bahamas. At the end of winter. If I could, I would plead young and stupid, but it was only three years ago and I think we could all argue that maybe the stupid still sticks.

Let me just put on my Captain Obvious Cape and tell you that on day 3 of our honeymoon we were red like lobsters. (Or scarlet Fiestaware*)

Day 4 of our trip was to Key West and there was no way in Red Lobster HELL we were going to lay out. So one of the things we decided to do was to go to the Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum.

The museum was fairly entertaining, but the best part was the picture machine that would combine two faces to show you your future spawn. Me, being the morose overly confident "we're having a honeymoon baby" person that I was, could not wait to do this! So we did.

And...well...
It was a girl...and...it's just...
Let me just show you:



You see? Kind of, like, a face that only a mother could love? It reminds me of a really messed up If They Mated segment from an episode of Conan O'Brien.

As far as actual real pregnancy news, I took my 3 hour glucose test on Friday. Aside from nearly barfing for the first hour, it wasn't all that bad. I am convinced that I failed, though, because today my OB's office called and rang once then hung up. That same thing happened when I failed my one hour, except they called back. They didn't call back this time but it was almost 5 o'clock. Sound logic, right? I bet I've got the Diabeetus.

*Speaking of scarlet Fiestaware - that is the color of Fiestaware that I am hoping to win on Jaci's giveaway.

12 comments:

Tiffany said...

Stopping by from SITS. Hope you get good news on the sugar test. I failed during my pregnancies.

Emily said...

ha! We totally did this in Vegas a few years ago and OMG it was horrifying! God help us and our child if that is what is in store. I can't find it though :( It would be good for a laugh or two.

Hope you get good news on the sugar front. That's what my gram calls it "the sugar"

Jill said...

I don't think it's as bad as you're thinking... I think she's kinda cute!

Mrs. Higrens said...

Hmmm. We've got a Ripley's here in town. Maybe I should check it out - you know, just for the fear factor.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you don't have to change your name to Wilfred.

areyoukiddingme said...

You just never know what will happen - unless you're a member of my family. And then you will look just like my dad. For generations. My cousins look like my dad. My sisters and I look like my dad. My niece and nephews look like my dad. My daughter looks just like me, and therefore, like my dad. Don't try adding any of your weak genes to this pool! They will be chewed up and spit out! Much to my husband's dismay (which I can understand, as he is hawt (to steal your word), while I am merely cute).

Ms. J said...

I have two things to share, which your hilarious entry reminded me of . . .

About 20 years ago I was in California on vacay with my very-Italian-tans-super-easily friend. She thought that putting baby oil on me (WHITE as rice, red hair, blue eyes) was a helpful idea since I never tan. Yeah, I think I can relate to your lobster tale!

Second item to share . . . 6 years ago Dr. J & I were in Vegas and had fun with a photo machine just as you described, which gave us a boy photo and girl photo of what our future kids would look like.

Funny it didn't speculate that we would now be parents of a Chinese daughter, LMAO!!!

Rebecca said...

I had gestational diabetes during my first pregnancy (still a ways to go before tested during my 2nd pregnancy) and believe it or not, I was kind of thankful I got it. It definitely got my weight gain under control. In fact, I actually lost weight for a little while. So sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise. I also had a nice small baby!

Tricia said...

I love Ripley's. We went to NYC and touched thier famed fertility statues..aaaand we got pregnant that month!!!

I hope you get good news about your three hour!

KristenWiley said...

Hooray for you being so cute while growing cupcake. Ugh for "What If They Mated..." I totally laughed out loud!

P.S. My fiestaware is scarlet and cobalt and I heart it sooo much!!!!!

KristenWiley said...

Hooray for you being so cute while growing cupcake. Ugh for "What If They Mated..." I totally laughed out loud!

P.S. My fiestaware is scarlet and cobalt and I heart it sooo much!!!!!

alicia said...

ahh I don't think she looks that bad!!! haha but I am sure your real baby will be beyond cute! can't wait :)

Randi Bond said...

I love your blog! I have read most of the posts of the last few months, and am now starting to bounce around and see specific dates and events. My husband and I did this once at the mall too, and we decided that we were never going to have kids. We did 2, a girl and a boy, and both looked like Satan as a child! hahaha
We are now expecting our first child, and try not to remember when we had this done! hahaha