Or, Wilford Brimleyepper? Clearly, I will have to carefully think this through.
Today is the day of my Glucose Tolerance Test and my RhoGam shot. Today, I will find out if I have the diabeetus.
My appointment is at 8:30, and I have to fast. It is going well, seeing as it is currently 7:03 and I have started to consider eating the couch cushions because they probably do not contain sugar and it wouldn't matter if I ingested a bit of leather, right?
The lady who scheduled my appointment said that I should just drink a tiny bit of water, and not eat anything, but it shouldn't be that bad because I will be able to eat by 10. HAHAHA. I'm sure she was saying that with a KFC drumstick hanging out of her mouth and a chocolate chip triple-thick milkshake just waiting to wash it all down. Back pats for me, for refraining from telling her to kiss the fattest part of my ass because hi, my name is Jennepper, and I get up at 5:30 and I'm not sure if you knew this but I am a sacred vessel carrying sweet, miraculous life, and I require a lot of food.
So. It's 7:07. I'm still hungry, and I might have diabeetus of the gestational variety. Do not plan to be on the roads in Northeast Ohio at 10, because I will kill you with my Pontiac if you get between me and the nearest fast food place (unless I have the diabeetus, then replace "fast food place" with "place that serves salads at 10 am").