Thursday, December 4, 2008

Possibly changing my name to Wilford Brimley

Or, Wilford Brimleyepper? Clearly, I will have to carefully think this through.

Today is the day of my Glucose Tolerance Test and my RhoGam shot. Today, I will find out if I have the diabeetus.

My appointment is at 8:30, and I have to fast. It is going well, seeing as it is currently 7:03 and I have started to consider eating the couch cushions because they probably do not contain sugar and it wouldn't matter if I ingested a bit of leather, right?

The lady who scheduled my appointment said that I should just drink a tiny bit of water, and not eat anything, but it shouldn't be that bad because I will be able to eat by 10. HAHAHA. I'm sure she was saying that with a KFC drumstick hanging out of her mouth and a chocolate chip triple-thick milkshake just waiting to wash it all down. Back pats for me, for refraining from telling her to kiss the fattest part of my ass because hi, my name is Jennepper, and I get up at 5:30 and I'm not sure if you knew this but I am a sacred vessel carrying sweet, miraculous life, and I require a lot of food.

So. It's 7:07. I'm still hungry, and I might have diabeetus of the gestational variety. Do not plan to be on the roads in Northeast Ohio at 10, because I will kill you with my Pontiac if you get between me and the nearest fast food place (unless I have the diabeetus, then replace "fast food place" with "place that serves salads at 10 am").

16 comments:

Marie said...

ooooh eat McDonalds when you are done! Good Luck!

Julia said...

I'll eat an extra biscut and gravy for ya. Fried chicken doesn't sound so bad either. Now I'm really hungry.

Good luck.

Emily said...

I've had the RhoGam shot four times. Not bad, if you don't mind large needles in the ars.

Anonymous said...

When I had the test a few weeks ago they told me I didn't have to fast but I couldn't eat anything with sugar in it. It is hard to find breakfast food that doesn't have sugar! Even my whole grain bread is loaded with it! So I ended up eating a hot dog (plain) and a cheese stick. Mmm... breakfast of champions.

Mrs. Higrens said...

I almost turned around and stopped for KFC for dinner last night. But than I decided I was too lazy.

Too bad you couldn't take this as an opportunity to extend your sleep a couple hours more instead of going to work first. But then, I am a slacker.

Rach said...

Great. I have to do this next week. Sounds like fun. :) I am hoping for the fast food outcome for you and not the salad outcome.

areyoukiddingme said...

They told me I could eat before my GTT. Of course, I failed it and had to go back for the 3 hour test (with fasting!), but still - that bagel and OJ at Panera was goooood!

Mel said...

Weird about not eating! My test was at 9:30 and they told me I could eat breakfast at 7:00. I feel for you, I know I would have killed someone!
Hope it goes well and you don't have the diabeetus!
*hugs*

Aunt Becky said...

The GTT is of The Debil. And I'm thinking you should change your name either way, because how awesome is THAT name?

Anonymous said...

LOL @ Diabeetus! Haa! Hope you pass today and find your way to a Cheesburger and Milkshake. For the cupcake of course! :)

alicia said...

good luck! I am sure you will do fine though :)

mrsyak said...

Hahaha! Good luck! Note to self...preggers driving Pontiacs are viscious.

momofonefornow said...

I hope you don't have the diabeetus!

You crack me up.

Sarah said...

I had gestational diabetes. No fun. Fingers crossed that you pass with flying colors!

PJ said...

Awwww... sacred vessel! Just awwww Jen!

I'm calling my family right now in NE Ohio to tell them to take cover.

Hoping you pass!!!

t said...

I laughed out loud at your spelling of diabeetus. Good god I can hear mr. Brimley clear as day in my head. Ha! Of course now everyone on the train next to me thinks I'm crazy. Sigh. Maybe I'll guffaw again so I can scare the other commuters into giving me a private car.