Thursday, January 1, 2009

Jennepper's New Year's Rockin' Eve

Last night, my last New Year's Eve as a nonparent, I did the following:

Ate roast.
Filled out my entire Belly Book, complete with pictures.
Watched 3 hours of the Dog Whisperer marathon.
Went to bed at 9:30.

I think I'm really over that point in my life where I feel like I need to GO OUT! and DRINK! on new year's eve. I'd rather be at home, eating delicious food and hanging out with Mark and maybe a few friends.

2008 was a stellar year. Unlike 2007, I wish 2008 no ill will, sexually transmitted diseases, or urinary tract infections.

Truth be told, I feel a little sorry that 2008 is over. I won a cruise, and went on two fun vacations. I made it through two IVFs while going to work full time and finishing my graduate degree.

I got pregnant.
I stayed pregnant.

It feels almost impossible to top 2008.
And? I'm a little intimidated by 2009.

The thing is, I've been making all sorts of excuses for putting up with all kinds of things. Or, maybe I should say that I've been just kind of accepting things the way they are instead of working toward making things the way that I want them because I am still in school/doing fertility treatments/pregnant/only 28/would rather eat chicken wings.

My excuses are just that. Excuses. All of the situations that I've been using to justify my laziness are pretty much gone and I have no reason to still be unhappy about my career/not being pregnant/feeling like I'm too young/being fat and physically lazy. I don't really have any reason for sitting on a big pile of goals, but I am terrified of not being able to improve all of the things that I've been putting off due to said excuses. Afraid of failure, really.

And the biggie: parenting. Motherhood. Scary. I feel clueless - about birth and what to do after. I'm sure I will figure it out, but still. I've been worrying about it more and more lately. I think it will be amazing, and I think it will be harder than I can even imagine. I hope that I will do a good job. I can't wait to meet our little Cupcake, and I just hope that I can be all of the good things to her that she already is to me.

What about you? Anyone else just a little intimidated about whats to come in 2009?
Or are you leaving behind an asshole of a 2008 and ready for a new start?

35 comments:

bethkyle said...

My due date is this coming Tuesday. I almost feel like the new year doesn't start until I have our little girl...right now I am just in a holding pattern...and yeah - I have no idea exactly how all this will work and it is totally intimidating...

Brenna's Mom said...

2008= worst year of my life. HELLO 2009!

'Murgdan' said...

My 2008 post reads a bit like your 2007 one. I'm hoping I'm running a year behind you and next year my post will read like this one.

I hope your 2009 only gets better!

Jill said...

I feel the same way. In 2008 we had our 2nd IVF cycle, a healthy pregnancy, and delivered a healthy baby girl. It was such a perfect year that I don't know how to top it. And I'm a bit intimidated by the prospect of being a working mom (I went back to work on Tuesday).

Anabelle said...

HAHAHA no excuses left eh? Your gonna be a mom. Kiss your goals good bye for the next 18 years.

But I promise you, you'll never be lazy again... fasten your seat belt, your in for one hell of a ride in 2009.

Aunt Becky said...

I'm scared and I'm ready and I'm honestly just done with 2008. Too many bad things happened that I'm still not over.

Man, that was depressing. Pass the wings, dude. Pass 'em here.

S said...

I'm leaving behind an asshole of a 2008 and ready for a new start.

I hope to be in your position very soon.

Fingers crossed 2009 won't be the asshole that 2008 was.

You'll be a great mummy.

Melissa said...

Hey I'm visiting from SITS

I see that you are expecting..congrats! I have a boutique on Etsy and if you don't have a room sign for your daughter yet you should check it out. I make door signs, wall signs w/ individual letters and I make tutus. Here is the link let me know if you are interested!!

www.thefairytaleboutique.etsy.com

Rach said...

I hear ya on the scary motherhood feelings. You would think at this point that the job came with a manual, but I think we will all do fine at it. I hear being a parent changes you life in ways you never even expected so maybe amongst the chaos of learning this new skill, all of the other things you were making excuses for will just fall into place. :)
Happy New Year!

Seriously? - Erin said...

I am due about a week and a half after you. I am totally intimidated by being a mother. I never thought I would feel so un-ready.

I'm sure you will be a great mom, smart, funny, sarcastic, empathetic, what else could a kid need in a mom?

I know my life will never be the same, I just wonder if I will have time/energy/money to finish my goals.

Amy said...

I'm torn between whether I'm happy 2008 is over. The first half of the year was an emotional roller coaster that I'm happy we survived...but I got pg on IVF#2 the second half of the year, so I am thrilled about that. Though I am nervous about what 2009 has to bring...motherhood, a still stagnant economy, huge financial obstacles...but I'm highly optimistic 2009 will be a good year.

CJ said...

2008 was good to me... baby Bean was born on March 5. Like you said, motherhood has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but the most amazing and rewarding by far. This is me, happy and content with 2009. :)

2008 was a break from infertility, but 2009 will see me back at that fight. This is me, trying to look tough for 2009 but really feeling terrified. >:|

Rebecca said...

2009 is very intimidating and very exciting. My daughter turns 2 in June and my twins will be born in May...add that to working full time as a manager and it all becomes very scary.

PJ said...

Honestly, I am having a hard time right now believing that we will get past the ultrasound on Tuesday. I've gotten so used to being an infertility patient and I'll be in uncharted territory. Kinda scary.

You'll be a great mom! You'll make her laugh, and she'll love that about you! :)

Denise said...

I was so terrified of the idea of labor that I purposefully avoided thinking about it up until about two days before my induction. It doesn't matter how much you prepare, you can never prepare enough, so my theory was to just fly by the seat of my pants. Probably going to scar my kids for life...

Wishing you a wonderous 2009!

Ann M. said...

I am terrified of 2009. I ended 2007 with a BFP (for the fourth time, with no babies to speak of) and falling down a flight of stairs, all in the same day. However, I managed to stay pregnant for nine months, give birth to a healthy little girl, my husband got promoted and got a big fat bonus, nobody in our families had anything horrible happen to them...in short, it was a miracle of a year. And now it is over. I'm listening for shoes dropping already.

Emily said...

I am a little intimidated because if it ends up worse than 2008, I'm not sure what state I will be in...

Ready to take it on though.

You will be a wonderful mommy and you have oh so much to look forward to in the coming year!! Happy 2009!

Stacy Woodruff said...

2008 sucked ass. While there were a couple high points (i.e. - getting married, and finally getting pregnant) the rest of the year was very hard on me. Getting married was awesome, but all of the infertility treatments kicked my ass. Finally getting pregnant was/is good, but the first 3.5 weeks were such a roller coaster due to wacky betas that I was not able to enjoy it. We didn't get any relief from that until Christmas Eve when we got to see a heartbeat. So I'm definitely looking forward to 2009, when hopefully I will deliver a healthy baby.

Elle Charlie said...

Leaving behind a total asshole of a 2008.

You'll figure out all the mom stuff. I think you already figured out the two most important things about motherhood: it's amazing, and harder than you can imagine. Sounds like you hit the nail on the head. The stuff in between? You'll do it wonderfully, flying by the seat of your pants.

Kaitlyn said...

2008 wasn't all good, but I like to focus on the positive. This includes: I decided on a major I actually liked, got closer to my family, and developed my wonderful relationship with Ryan. Stayed healthy (a God-send). Got saved, began my relationship with Christ.

The negatives are in the past, and I'm going to pray 2009 is an even greater year.

calliope said...

totally with you on the sort of giddy nervousness of 2009. I mean 2004-early part of 2008 was just a groundhog's day of infertility hell, but at least I had sort of gotten used to the kicks to the gut. Now, this new year- ALL NEW. Uncharted land. gasp.
Thank goodness you are ahead of me so I can just copy from your paper...
xo

leahjane8 said...

Just read some of your blog (quite a few posts actually - the older ones....I can relate more to the "still trying" ones). You f#$%ing crack me up. Its possible that we share a brain. I look forward to reading more.

I wish you health and happiness in 2009. And I think you'll be a great mom.

sheilah said...

2008 can kiss my pasty white a$%#.

God, please let it get better in 2009.

Heather said...

Happy New Year. And yes, I'm excited and scared about 2009. I currently have a family of 3 (our daughter is 8 years old) and a department at work of 3 (including me). This year in January, I will become a department of 5 and this summer will become a family of 5. I'm excited and scared about both. I've been wanting both so badly, but even though I am a mom and a manager already, I'm scared about how I'm going to handle the additions. But I remind myself to just go one step at a time... Good luck!

The Griffins said...

I can't imagine 2008 having sucked anymore for me than it did. I was SOOOO happy to see it go, and wished upon it many variations of complications due to unyeilding sexually transmitted dieases. We were told we'd need IVF w/ICSI last month, so the dust is still settling here. I have no idea what 2009 will bring for me. But I wish you, Mark and cupcake all the much overdue happiness that you deserve.

womb for improvement said...

2008 was shite. But I have high hopes for 09.

peesticksandstones said...

I've still got until June, but I'm already scared out of my mind. Was I really serious about this having-a-kid-thing? Aren't I still a kid?

Julia said...

I would say 2008 has been more of a big bully with nothing to back it up. It started out shitty and ended up pretty damn good. So no TSP wishes here.

FSD said...

Motherhood is scaring me, too!! It's so crazy because this is something I wanted and STILL very much want. Wouldn't change it for the world! Yet it's still scary. I think fear of the unknown is normal. I fear what life will be like post-baby? Will I ENJOY being a mom? Will I feel like I'm missing out on things that I can do freely today? ETC.

I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are, but I came across a familiar scripture last night and it struck me at my core. Psalm 127:3 - Children are a gift from the Lord....

For the first time I felt bad about my fears. Why would I fear a "gift from God"? And I know that's exactly what my daughter is/will be. It really got me thinking. Although my fears aren't 100% gone, they are fading.

You'll be great and your little Cupcake is so fortunate to have you for a mommy! :- )

Kelly said...

Hey there chickadee! Just so you know I think you'll be an amazing mom. Also, Kyla is almost 8 and I'm still scared of being a mom. It never goes away. It's hard to fathom that every single thing you do will make this little person who she is. I take it day by day. That's all you can do.

andrea said...

you will be a great mom - least of your worries! although, i am scared shitless of this as well and feel like i know nothing!
2009 will certainly be wonderfuly different than 2008. you can call it "the year of no excuses!" :)

Anonymous said...

Don't be afraid of child birth! According to some looney nuts on 20/20 last night it is possible to....wait for it....ORGASM during birth.
Hmm. So, pushing a bowling ball out your yahoo turns you on, eh? Seems a bit far fetched, but if 20/20 said it it MUST be true!

Jill said...

2008 was a pretty shitty year for me. That is until the last month! I am looking forward to 2009, I am hopeful that it will be a great year. But, yes, I'm intimidated somewhat about what lies ahead. And that's a good thing!

You will be a great Mom, Jen. I've got a feeling 2009 will be a fantastic one for you!

Anonymous said...

2008 was a pretty great year, finally had a baby boy in April. I hope 2009 will be just as great. You will be a wonderful mom. Give yourself a pass for feeling off kilter the first 6 weeks after she's born, and I promise it gets way better from there.

Shell said...

http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1231214699&sr=8-1

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I read it and felt incredibly empowered and ready to give birth. Happy 2009!!