Sunday, February 1, 2009

36 Weeks: Just the tip.

I guess when you're 9 months pregnant, that phrase takes on a completely different meaning.

I had my 36 week appointment on Thursday with my first internal exam since the very beginning. It's been an incredibly long time since a medical professional has wanted to take a look at my vagina. I'll have you know that I feel much prettier now that my Lady Business has been properly inspected, and swabbed with a Q-Tip (and as an added bonus, my bum was included in the Group B Step test fun).

It appears that I am a fingertip dilated and 50% effaced.
Or: move along, nothing to see here, still pregnant for a while.

Dr. Handlebar Mustache didn't do anything funny this week. As per usual, everything looks perfect. Much to Mark's delight, I scheduled a Friday appointment next week and so we will be meeting with Sexy Suzie. Two more appointments until we have the induction talk!

Friday was my last day of work. It felt like the last day of school! I found it really hard to concentrate on anything of importance, mostly spending time chatting and being annoyed when asked to do anything beyond sit aimlessly and look fabulously 9 months pregnant and get paid for it.

So. No more work for me until May. Which means that I shall surely commence Project Let Approaching Due Date Neuroses Take Over. Hopefully I will have some more interesting things to write as The Crazy takes over (more than usual, that is) because right now I am just tired and kind of boring!

And I will try to update more, because I've been informed by mrsyak* that I am too close to my due date to leave everyone hanging and thinking that I gave birth then lost the ability to type. Or something. But I know that I hate reading blogs who update waaaay to often with things that are B-O-R-I-N-G, and I'm trying to avoid that. Nobody wants to read my daily report of: Big, pregnant, hungry. Trust me.

Things I promise to post soon:
1. Picture of my swollen feet, ankles, and hands. My hands look like delicious baby hands with dimples instead of knuckles - delicious on a baby, but disgusting on an adult. And I would say I have kankles (or, cankles, whichever you prefer), except that they can more accurately be described as TREE TRUNK LEGS - and if we were friends in high school then I know you are totally thinking of Tree Trunk Legs from ELHS and her boyfriend, The Log Splitter. HA! Must be karma...

2. My hip-to-belly ratio. It's pretty comical. I'm not sure how to get a good picture of it since it can best be seen whilst in my underwear at a side angle, but I will figure it out. I'd also post a picture of my leg-to-belly ratio, except I seem to have developed a pretty serious case of Disgusting Cellulite and I do not wish to share it with the Internet. But Mark told me that my legs look like toothpicks under my belly and I have to admit that I agree.

3. Nursery pictures. The nursery has been finished for a while. I just have to figure out how to blur out the wall letters of Cupcake's name.

4. Belly pictures in general. I'm still taking them, but it is just way too much work to put them into the computer then put them on my blog.

Things I should leave alone, and kind of will:
The whole octuplet story makes me want to claw my face off, and I have officially quit following along.
I will keep my opinion to myself, except to say that it really pisses me off the way that the media takes any opportunity to make ART look like a total freakshow sham instead of presenting it in the way that it is normally used - to make great parents out of people who have medical conditions which would otherwise prevent the possibility.
Beyond that, I'll direct you to Julie, who always says things better than I ever could (and really, if you haven't found her blog by now, it's about damn time you did).

*mrsyak - I don't think you're rude. I will do better. My most sincere apologies.

24 comments:

Sarah said...

I wanna know how an unemployed single mother of 6, living in her mommies house after declaring bankruptcy in 2008 afforded IVfuckingG??? Please. Someone enlighten me? For serious.
Jen, I want to smash my head into the nearest wall every time I hear about this!

Sarah said...

My bad...apparently it was the grandparents that declared bankruptcy. Still though....

areyoukiddingme said...

I waddled my fat rear end into work practically until I delivered (I would have gone in until I went into labor, but it just happened to start on my day off). And, yes, I just sat there being 9 months pregnant. With my feet up, because I had tree trunk legs.

Seriously? - Erin said...

I have my 36 week appointment this week, when I went in for my weekly blood worked I asked about the pelvic exams. Apparently my nurse midwives don't do them. My lady business won't be looked at unless I go past my due date.

I hope you don't have to induce!

Mrs. Higrens said...

Now that you are officially a lady of leisure for the next few months, I fully expect to see multiple daily posts full of witty banter and snark. Just kidding.

I personally think the doc that performed the final IVF should be disbarred or whatever it is they do to doctors to kick them out of the medical community. Totally irresponsible.

KimboSue said...

You know you miss those lovely Lady Business visits...you've been counting down the days until she could be poked and prodded again (by someone other than dear husband.)

Congrats on no longer being required to squeeze those k/cankles into socks and shoes and be presentable at work. Nest away!

alison said...

Happy 36 weeks! It's getting oh-so-very-close! :)

I'm guilty of incredibly boring pregnant update blog posts, I'll admit. But it's only because I'm INCREDIBLY bored at work and it passes a good 15 minutes. ;)

Julia said...

Congrats on the NO MORE WORK!!!

I hope you find the next few weeks relaxing.

Looking forward to your next boring post.

the misfit said...

Congrats on your last day of work! I generally take non-working periods as opportunities to troll thrift stores looking for things I cannot live without, but I've never done that pg.

Emily said...

You are so close! Looking forward to the upcoming posts - should be a riot - you are a brave woman! HA!

Enjoy the time at home!

Mel said...

So jealous you are off work... I will be there with swollen feet up until the very end. My company is good in some respects but assholes in the whole maternity respect. It's because they are all like 100 and I am the only childbearing age person they even know!
36 weeks is just crazy. How the heck did we get here seriously?
Looking forward to the photos... enjoy your time and kick those lovely tree trunks and cankles up for me.
*hugs*

Emily said...

Please, please, please, update a LOT until cupcake comes. Your blog is NEVER boring and the rest of us are bored at work. You have a knack for writing and it's always hilarious. I think your readership would be happy to give you a list of possible blog topics we'd like to reas about!

Emily said...

Please, please, please, update a LOT until cupcake comes. Your blog is NEVER boring and the rest of us are bored at work. You have a knack for writing and it's always hilarious. I think your readership would be happy to give you a list of possible blog topics we'd like to reas about!

alicia said...

yay work is done! I have 15 days left, ahhh can't wait to be done!!!

Jaci said...

I'll be a dork and admit that I thought of you this weekend and wondered if you went into labor, because you're getting so close! (squee!)

I have no idea who tree trunk legs is, but I know it can't be me. My legs are CLEARLY shaped like KFC extra crispy drumsticks. :)

Erika said...

Wow, how are you not already going nuts just sitting at home waiting to go into labor? I think my mind would go nuts and I'd start timing every ping and twinge until I lost it completely!

KandiB said...

It was my biggest surprise ever, when I finally made it to the OB and she didn't want to inspect my bits and pieces. An ultrasound outside?? of my vejay? what? Good to know there's more to come.

My belly pics are far and few between. I gave up the "bare belly" shot early on. It was so horrible! Covered is somehow much more paletable.

mrsyak said...

Yay, an update!

April said...

I'm visiting from SITS...congrats on your pregnancy and hope all goes well with labor and delivery. Your life will forever be changed...but, for the BEST!

The Blonde Duck said...

I hope everything works out for you soon! I think it's cute you call your baby Cupcake.

Malloryn said...

Congrats on 36 weeks and your last day at work! I hope you enjoy some relaxation and being pampered by your hubby. I'm looking forward to the updates :)

Delenn said...

Congrats on hitting the home stretch!

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Yay, you're so close!!

Don't feel bad about the media/ART thing. To me (a non-ARTer), all I ever see are media stories of IF being solved with ART. The medical technology I used is never mentioned anywhere! I might as well be using ostriches and papayas, with the looks I get when I ask ppl if they've heard of NaPro :)

Cupcake will be here so soon! And what do you mean you have to blur out her name on the wall... you mean her name is not cupcake??!! But I loved that name!

Linda said...

Many congrats, loved reading your story and look forward to following along!

Week 36 Pregnancy