Friday, April 3, 2009

Mister Yuck, Look Out!

You're about to be replaced!

After last week's post, We did end up getting a prescription for Pepcid on Wednesday. I did not have to shove the bottle of Maalox up the pediatrician's ass. It was really a win-win situation.

I wish that was the end of this ridiculous melodrama. But no. Pepcid didn't do anything. Unless you count the hunger strike it caused, or the additional two copays to the sadist pediatrician.

Since Olivia didn't lose any weight from her babyrexia, the ped decided to give us a prescription for Zantac.

What's that you say? Why Zantac, when it does the same exact fucking thing as Pepcid?

Well, why not? I enjoy dicking around with the general satisfaction level of my newborn. It is funny to make her cry, because she looks EXACTLY like her mother when she does so. Like here, in a photo that I like to call "Mom, this hat is ghey":


Alternate title: Easter Blows.

Olivia absolutely refuses to swallow her Zantac. Not even when I blow in her face. Or when I hold her head up so that gravity is on my side. Not even when I do teeny tiny squirts. She holds it all in her mouth and spits it all over her pajamas.

Good news: her pajamas are reflux free.

If you would like to know what baby Zantac tastes like, follow these simple instructions:

1. Go to your bathroom cabinet.
2. Remove the crusty old tub of Vicks Vapo Rub that you've had for 3 years.
3. Scoop out a large glob.
4. Open your mouth.
5. Place entire glob on tongue.
6. Swish around.
7. Swallow.

I know from experience. Because after Olivia spit out every single dose of Zantac that I gave her, I tasted it just to see what all the fuss was about. And to tell you the truth, I can see why she is pissed off because I only licked the dropper and OH MY GOD I TOTALLY GAGGED.

Reflux: likes our house, plans to stay.
My daughter: the new mister yuck.
(I plan to lobby for a hot pink sticker instead of green.)

I'm going to call tomorrow and see what else they want to do to prolong Olivia's suffering. Perhaps we can hang her by her toenails? Or maybe we could tickle her nose with a feather so that she sneezes all the time? I think we should just pinch her really hard so that she forgets about the acid burning her throat.

In the interim, I'm trying to get creative about all this reflux bullshit.

The carseat formerly known as A Sleep Miracle? Not so much. It seems like it is bothering her to have her legs crunched up.

I read that propping her at a 30% angle would help. So I basically had to bust out some serious motherfucking math. Which sucks, because I almost got a D in geometry, and I think the only reason I got a C was because the teacher felt sorry for me for being so morose.

But I figured it all out by drawing a picture of a 90 degree angle, then splitting it into three, then translating it into the carseat jimmy rig. I looked in my desk for a protractor, but it turns out that I'm not a nerd and don't have one.

It's sort of working. We've got a growth spurt on our side - she has been sleeping nonstop for three days.

Olivia is 7 weeks old today! She's so alert when she decides to stay awake. We've gotten a few smiles that seem real (as opposed to fartsmiles), but they are on her terms. I haven't figured out how to really make her smile. She likes her swing now, and still despises her bouncy seat. Baths are a little piece of heaven; tummy time is a hunk of hell.

BUMBO: forcing children to meet their milestones months in advance.


Eat, poop, or cry? Eat, poop, or cry?


OOOOOHHHHH! Mah hands!


I go back to work in two weeks. Just typing that gives me a stomach ache. It was so much easier to think about leaving her with someone I don't know when she was just an alien in my stomach. Now that I know her, I can't fathom how someone could care for her the way she needs.

34 comments:

Dreamer4agift said...

She is just too cute for words, Jen. Even my husband had to look at the screen and thought she was adorable.

I AM sorry about the reflux issues though. I've had it for about 10 yrs plus I'm an adult and I want to cry sometimes too b/c of it. Hopefully it resolves soon!

Heather Rodriguez said...

I hope your doc pulls her head out of her arse soon, so poor Olivia can move past this reflux nonsense.


Thanks for sharing the super cute pics!

Anonymous said...

Hey Jen, my now 21 year old son had this problem when he was a baby. It started when he was 8 days old and hung around making us both basket cases until he was about 2. I ended up taking him to an upper GI Specialist who was AMAZING and gave me these tips:

Wait 30-60 minutes to burp after feeding. It sucks but it gives the food time to digest before making the baby vomit it all up again.

Put the baby's crib on a 30 degree angle which we figured out was 2-3 phone books stacked under the mattress on the end we put our bubba to sleep. We bundled him up put him on his side and shoved rolled up blankies around his feet and back to hold him in place.

When we fed him it was sitting in the car seat to keep his esophagus in the correct position to keep the stomach bile from coming back up.

It's tough but it helped and since it was the dark ages there wasn't a baby antacid we could use so they prescribed a medication for babies that helps development of the valve at the top of the esophagus which is the biggest problem in babies with upper GI Reflux. Hope this helps! Big hugs to you and Olivia...hope she feels better.

Anonymous said...

Man, she is beautiful. I'm sorry her tummy is causing trauma in your household but man, she is just beautiful! That should make it all worthwhile ...

Jill said...

We had the exact same problem getting our daughter to take her zantac. We give it to her twice a day, and we put it in a bottle with just one ounce of formula. She sucks it right down, and we don't have to worry about her not finishing the bottle. It is the only method that worked for us!

Also, we elevated her crib mattress by putting rolled up towels underneath the mattress.

Good luck -- reflux SUCKS. We are still dealing with it at 5 months, although the zantac helps with the pain at least thank God.

Beautiful Mess said...

Damn doctors! Don't they see that she is THE cutest baby EVER and she should NEVER be in pain and cry?! You should print off all the comments and give them to the doctors and say "see the Internets know that she shouldn't be crying, who don't you?!" I hope everything works out soon. She is so adorable!

Laura said...

The Bumbo picture is about the cutest thing I have ever seen! Hopefully something for the reflux will work soon.

Aunt Becky said...

I occasionally call Alex Mr Yucks. In a good way. And trust me when I tell you that he's ruined several of our carpets with his spit up (well, he did 2 years ago).

areyoukiddingme said...

Some friends had to put their son in a harness in his crib so he would stay at the correct angle to relieve his reflux. I think she should totally be the new Ms. Yuck...then everyone would be too busy going "Aaaw. How Cute!" to drink the poisonous item.

I hope there is some improvement soon.

Anonymous said...

If Zantac doesn't work, you might ask for Prevacid. My daughter loved that stuff, but the down side is you must give it 30 minutes prior to feeding. Most days, I had no idea when that would be or having to wait in the morning to feed her when she was starving.

Remember, as my granny always said, "this too shall pass." Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

The CVS here will flavor medicine for kids. I don't know if they do that near you or if that is allowed for babies, but it's worth a shot.

As for the elevated mattress, my mother always put the books under the legs of one side of the crib, rather than under the mattress itself. She also used the harness someone else mentioned, but it's on the expensive side, and she'll probably grow out of that faster than she grows out of the reflux. (I hope not, but just in case there are much cheaper solutions!)

Courtney said...

I can't help you with the reflux, but that picture of her in the Bumbo is precious. She is an exceptionally cute baby- those eyes are incredible!

Amy said...

A hint from my old school small town pharmacist...

A tiny bit bit of Hershey's syrup right before giving any foul tasting medicine. It's so sweet it cuts the taste and it's thick so it coats things a bit letting the medicine slide right down.

I didn't believe it would work (and felt guilty since I was basically mainlining straight chocolate into my kid) but I swear by it now.

Michelle L. said...

I'm assuming you tried mixing the zantac into a small bit of warmed formula. I have 4 year old twin girls who both had severe reflux, so at the beginning of each feeding I would pour one once of formula into an extra bottle (yes I know a giant pain as I had to wash 4 bottles instead of 2) squirt in the zantac and have them drink it down and then swap it out for the full bottle. They were none the wiser and would not get it down any other way!

uncomplicateme said...

Happy 7 weeks sweet Olivia!! She's just a doll! :)

Sorry the reflux sucketh. I just hope the dr can come up with a new plan, one that will actually work, very soon. Poor kiddo.

Good luck with work. I'll be thinking of you both.

xo

uncomplicateme said...

Happy 7 weeks sweet Olivia!! She's just a doll! :)

Sorry the reflux sucketh. I just hope the dr can come up with a new plan, one that will actually work, very soon. Poor kiddo.

Good luck with work. I'll be thinking of you both.

xo

shawna said...

You might want to ask about Prevacid. It comes in a dissolvable pill that you soak in water. My boys take it without any problems.

andrea said...

i was hoping since i hadn't heard from you in a few days that things were better.. i am so sorry they aren't. I have zero words of advice. HOpefully someone else can do better in that department.

but she is still so stinking adorable!

Mel said...

Oh man, the hands picture is so cute I want to rip it off my computer and squeeze it. She is so cute... I hope her poor little body gets to feeling better soon. We have about 2 acid reflux issue feedings a day and I am just trying to cope with them but it sucks. Watching a starving baby scream makes you want to stick a knife in your brain a little bit, right?

Anonymous said...

We mixed the Zantac in w/ his bottle and that did the trick. I agree the stuff tastes like ass. My nephew is currently taking Zantac AND Prevacid. Not sure what magic taking them together works but he's finally stopped screaming 24 hours a day

seussgirl said...

Well, since hearing something over and over makes it more true (?), I'll add my repetitious comment....my boys were on Prevacid and then Prilosec, and we mixed them into their bottles. We also did the small bottle first to make sure they'd take it all. And we didn't worry about giving it to them before their feeding, we just did it simultaneously.

But I know that it does suck, and I hope you find a solution soon!

Anonymous said...

Firstly...your daughter is gorgeous!!! The picture of her looking at her hands is so cute.

Secondly why don't you ask your doctor if he will prescribe Omeprazole (Losec) for Olivia? (Or is that what you call Pepcid in the States?). It is MUCH, MUCH (have to emphasise this, sorry for yelling) more effective than Zantac, yet everyone seems to have to try Zantac first before being prescribed Omeprazole. I have had several friends who sound like their babies have had similar painful reflux episodes to yours and they were all made better by Omeprazole.

Finally, I hope you enjoy your time with Olivia before you have to go back to work. What have you sorted out for her childcare wise?

Best wishes,

Lisa.

Heather said...

She's so cute!!! I love your captions to the photos! I hope her reflux gets better soon.

Marie said...

Jen, Have you tried adding baby rice to her formula? Most doctors don't like it but it seemed to work wonders with my son when he had reflux.

*~*Lis*~* said...

She is seriously friggin' cute!!!

So sorry to hear nothin' is working yet. My son had BAD reflux and nothing worked for him either - I'm sorry to say he stayed fussy (read screamed constantly) for a long while - I'd say 6 months or so, when he started crawling he was better.

I hope you can find something to help her out. If not - only 4 months to go!

alicia said...

ohh poor little thing! i hope they figure something out that works for her soon!

she is sooooo cute by the way! ahhh love all the pics!

sorry you have to return to work so soon, so lame, I feel for you!

Elizabeth said...

Like previous posters, we make a 1oz shot mixed with the Zantac and then the additional formula later. Hang in there!!

Pink-CJ said...

They can flavor it. My boy uses Grape Flavor Zantac.

Pink-CJ said...

They can flavor it. My boy uses Grape Flavor Zantac.

Parsing Nonsense said...

Oy, reflux sounds like the worst. Sadistic pediatrician indeed. At least she's sleeping though, right? And she sure is cute!

Christine said...

Babyrexia! Love it - I have missed you lately. Sucks you have to go back to work, but I hope you'll be able to spare a little more time for your readers!

RM said...

I know this isn't technically allowed (babies sleeping on or near pillows), but our son likes to snooze propped up in the Boppy pillow I use to nurse him. Plop her in the middle of the horseshoe and tip her back- that might be 30 degrees?

Annegirrl said...

If Olivia will take a pacifier pop one in her mouth after each squirt of med. Worked for my precious baby girl.

Also, no daycare will ever take care of your baby the way you would. You are 1000% right. They do a good job though and keep her safe and happy.

Minnie said...

Offt too cute, take her to work with you! she's so little no one will notice hehe