No, I'm not heading for the New York hills.
It's just that functioning on two hours of sleep makes me feel particularly beastie.
Especially since I gave my coffee pot the axe during fertility treatments. Coke Vanilla Zero just doesn't pack the same punch as a full 10 cup pot of coffee, you know? I like to consume my caffeine in amounts that make me feel downright manic.
It turns out the Coke Vanilla Zero is kind of a pussy in the caffeine department.
Olivia is a good baby. Really, she is. She smells of delicious baby, and she only cries when she needs something - diaper change, blanket, food. We've had exactly three bouts of inconsolable crying, and they were all after days when we visited with a lot of people, and I suspect she was overstimulated and just pissed off that she didn't get to sleep her full 20 hours.
Usually she sleeps about 3 hours at night before waking up poopy and wanting to eat (and poop again. My girl's a pooper). But every couple of nights, we have a situation where she just wakes up every hour wanting a snickety snack. And since I can't shove Oreos down her throat, which is how I deal with my need for a snickety snack, I am forced to prepare bottle after bottle of formula so that she can eat one ounce and then commence project Snoozefest.
(Speaking of formula...who are the assholes who determine the price of formula? Holy hot damn! It's like they actually want you to have to work the corner just to feed your baby!)
Last night, Olivia decided to save her elusive QUIET! ALERT! PRIME SOCIALIZATION! IF YOU IGNORE YOUR BABY SHE WILL HATE YOU FOREVER! period for 1 a.m. until about 3:30.
I mean, awake.
Until 3:30 in the morning.
Waiting for entertainment.
There are only so many rounds of jazz hands that you can do at that time of night before you start to hallucinate. It is very possible that I sang a Britney Spears song to my daughter last night in a feeble attempt to get her to doze off. But goddamn Britney with her peppy tunes did nothing to make Olivia drowsy. And as a matter of fact, I think she was trying to do the Ooops I Did It Again dance at one point but only succeeded in clawing a giant crater in her cheek.
(Clearly, she needs dance lessons ASAP)
The main problem we are having is that it looks like Olivia scraped her teeny adorable little ass across some gravel. So after a diaper change and the horrible bloody murder screaming that follows, she is not so much in the mood for sleep.
Her diaper rash got better, then way worse - like, raw and shiny and sad sad sad. One of my friends pointed out that the Nystatin ointment that the pediatrician prescribed might be making it worse.
Nice. I was smearing creamy skin-eating acid on my daughter's adorable ass.
So we've laid off the Nystatin, and I've been keeping her diaper free as much as possible. I've noticed a difference, but it is slow going. Not to mention that my baby lurves her a swaddle, so getting her to sleep diaperless with just a cover on top is like trying to kill her. Or so you'd think.
As far as ointments, we've tried Pinxav, but it doesn't stick to the raw skin, and I think the thickness is just too much for her right now. Right now she's sporting A&D. I'm thinking about buying some Triple Paste because I've heard it is awesome.
Dear internets: what advice do you have for diaper rash?
The sooner the diaper rash is better, the sooner I will be back out in the general public encountering morons who will provide me with many stories with which to entertain you.
Help me help you, people.