Let's just get to it, shall we?
Olivia has a milk protein allergy. She is in pain and cranky and pooping blood. I'm sure we can all plainly see what is going on here, but I will put it down on paper (er...screen?) to make it blatantly obvious:
Universe: You should've stuck with breastfeeding, you ignorant slut.
The plan is to feed Olivia Similac Alimentum - hypoallergenic formula with no milk protein - and recheck the poop on Friday.
I'm not sure if you've ever had the pleasure of purchasing Similac Alimentum. But if you like to be bent over the checkout lane at Wal-Mart and completely screwed by Similac? I totally suggest you try it!
You think I kid? The little screen on the register that usually shows the price instead reads " message from universe and its partner Similac: bend over."
Alimentum is pretty much double the price of the other Similac, which sucks. But what can you do? Happy baby = happy parents. We're learning that realllllly quick around here.
I'm not fully convinced that the milk protein allergy is the only thing going on here. The grunting? It continues. But it's not just grunting - it is the scream that follows the series of grunting that has me worried. The pediatrician agreed that it was wholly uncool, and said that we should notice a change in that behavior in 3 or 4 days after starting the Alimentum. Which has not happened as of yet, and we are on day 5.
(If you've had to switch to Alimentum for milk protein allergy - how long did it take to see an improvement in belly ache type behavior? Did you try Alimentum only to switch to something that worked better? HALP!)
(And! And! If your baby had Silent Reflux, can you tell me how you knew? Because Olivia barfs in her mouth and swallows it constantly, will not lay flat, and coughs and gags while eating. Dr. Google says its silent reflux. What thinks you, internets?)
(Feel free to point and snicker at the first time mom.)
Olivia has decided that she will only sleep in her carseat. This makes me feel like an epic failure, but ohmygodaslongasshesleeps!
And the sleep is noisy, and once I'm awake I can't fall back asleep because I am busy thinking really important things, like: GIMME BACK THAT FILET O'FISH; GIMME THAT FISH! Over and over in my head until I want to go to McDonald's and go totally postal on their asses.
(There are no tall buildings in my town on which I can climb in order to execute a more effective insanity maneuver. Plus I don't have a gun. Which is probably good.)
(I've thought about the building thing, though, because the gas pumps at the Marathon near my house say "Please Prepay in Advance" and I have to go there because they have the cheapest gas, but it makes me want to hit people because how does one PREpay in advance? Come on big oil! Come on!)
(Parenthesis: me likey.)
Cute things I want to remember about Olivia during her fifth week:
- Eyebrows. She is growing them. They are adorable to a ridiculous degree.
- Hair. She lost it all except a tuft at the crown of her head and a ring around the bottom that is so totally business in the front party in the back, dude.
- Fist. She has one. She finds it muchly entertaining and looks at it all the time. She hasn't figured out how to keep it in front of her face, though, so she looks surprised every time it comes into her field of vision.
- Fists. She has two. She eats them in anticipation for a bottle. Except eats is an understatement - she makes a NOM sound like she is biting into a giant sandwich. My girl likes to eat, whether it's formula or her own human flesh.
- Gas smiles. So cute. Need to be real ASAP.
- Voice. She is using it more - while she eats, while she lays around and kicks her feet, while she sleeps. I'm hoping for coos sooner rather than later.
- Fingernails. Have cuticles. This makes me all warm and fuzzy and I don't know why.