Three of them.
Holy hell, my baybee is getting huge. YOOOUGE!
(OK, so she weighs 9.5 pounds and is 23 inches long. That is YOOOUGE to me.)
We decided to do pictures at 3, 6, 9, and 12 months. And while I would love to hire a fancy photographer, I can't justify paying that much money. So we went to Portrait Innovations.
Olivia was in a spectacular mood the day of her 3 month pictures. She spent the entire morning examining her "fancy" socks and smiling at everything I said to her.
I LOVE MY SOCKS!!!!!!! MY MOM IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As you can imagine, I was very excited about the bevvy of smiles that morning, because pictures! Proof of baby glee!
Even though you can guess what happened, I will continue.
First of all, we got to our appointment ten minutes early. Then had to wait 45 minutes past our scheduled time. I spent the entire time making fun of one of the photographers because you could see a solid two inches of her buttcrack due to one serious sag. And then guess which photographer we got?
Yes. We got Cracky McButtcrackerson.
I was willing to forgive her for her butt crack transgressions. I mean, who hasn't sported the plumber crack at one time or another? So what if she leaves the house knowing that she will need to be bending and moving all day and still chooses to wear pants that show her butt crack? I am forgiving.
The shoot started off promising. Not quite a smile, but close. Maybe she just needs to get warmed up?
Cracky McButtcrackerson was wearing on my nerves. She was a total one trick pony. She kept making some weird noise in Olivia's face in an attempt to make her smile. This was totally not working. And instead of, you know, trying different things? As you would expect a child photographer to do? She just KEPT MAKING THE SAME NOISE.
That in itself was not the problem. The problem is that, since she couldn't make Olivia smile, she decided that Olivia was grumpy.
"Oh, grumpy baby! Just give me one smile! Come on, grumpy! *weird mouth noise* Wow, you are such a grumpy baby! Don't you know how to smile yet? *weird mouth noise* You are just like my niece, she is a little terror, too. *weird mouth noise*"
Nobody calls mah babybee grumpy. Especially after she was a perfect angel while we waited 45 minutes for this awesome shoot. And how she wasn't crying despite the ass crack she just witnessed, which is more than I can say for her parents.
At this point, I decided to try to make her smile.
It looks like I was vaguely amusing...
By the end of the shoot, Olivia was all: Done. Me and my jean skirt are out like the fat kid in dodgeball.
At three months, Olivia is adorable (natch) and fun. Every single thing she does is a big huge colossal giant deal. Like no kid ever in the history of kids has ever done any of these things with such skill...
She grabs her toes? OMFG!
She is still a smile snob. You must adequately entertain her, and then sometimes after she smiles, she gets Very Serious and looks like she is judging you (she probably is).
Yesterday we were watching a Mr. T documentary (as sad as it sounds) and I repeated the T to Olivia: "Don't gimme no jibba jabba!" She found this to be hilarious.
Then, as if she realized that her mother is a flaming moron, she cocked one eyebrow and stared at me.
Get used to it, kid.