Wednesday, June 3, 2009

This post is brought to you by: obligation.

Or: In which I brain fart in your general direkshun.

Or: Things I was thinking about when Olivia woke up at 2:30, 3:30, and 4:30 a.m.

A wise man once said, "Happy Wife, Happy Life."

And I know what you're thinking - there's no such thing as a wise man.

But I read this book one time, and I bet you won't believe this, but in this book there were THREE wise men! In the same place at the same time!

And if you think that is crazy, get a load of this: these guys knew enough to get gifts when a baby was born!

Now, I'm not sure if the author(s) left the part out about how the wives of these three wise men actually did the shopping because seriously? Don't the women always have to do the shopping? Because I never see men in Bath and Body Works around Christmastime picking out hand soaps for their mothers. Or scouring the aisles at Target trying to find baby registry items.

(Seriously, Target? What is UP with your registry? It blows. And it pains me to say that because I love you, Target. I do. But your registry (and your return policy) blows a big fat fatty.)

Another possibility is that they knew they needed to bring gifts for the baby but didn't have time to shop, so they totally regifted at the last minute. "Hmmm...what should I bring? I have that old frankencense from Aunt Edith, I suppose I could just take that."

There are so many more believable things in this book, like a talking fire bush and a dude who lived inside a fish for three days.

But a man who brings baby gifts? I'm not buying that.

(It is quite possible that I will post a real, not ridiculous entry somewhat soon.)
(Possible but not definite.)

21 comments:

Parsing Nonsense said...

Are you kidding? The fiery bush and man in the belly of a whale are tame compared to Elisha! Elisha the prophet, who ordered a bear to come and eat the group of kids who was teasing him for being bald?

Or Baalam, and his conversation with a talking donkey?

Way cooler than guys bringing gifts to the Savior of the world...

areyoukiddingme said...

I, too, hate Target's return policy. So I only buy consumables that are on sale there. I'm pretty sure I won't have to return them, and I don't need a receipt (that I never got because someone gave me a gift, and I certainly can't ask them for the receipt because then they'll know I don't want the gift that they chose specially for my baby, even though I know it was more like the wise men in your example). Don't get me started...

Mandy and Jack said...

AMEN on the Target registry (and return policy) blowing a big fat fatty.

Korndog said...

I love your posts. You are too funny. I hope you and Olivia are doing well!

Aunt Becky said...

I just send gift cards. I find it saves me a HELL of a lot of time and effort and because I am fat and lazy, this is key.

emeraldwednesday said...

if their wives had done the shopping, they would have brought useful baby gifts. ;-)

B MoM said...

hahahahahahahahah.....I live "ridiculous" entries. Love 'em.

Sadie said...

And THEN the wise men take credit for it!!!! And so do men men. A group of us went in together on a present for someone and the guy that handed it to her never bothered to mention that like 10 of us had paid for it.

Ha! It was only like 2 weeks later when I asked how she liked her present that we all found out.

Stacy Woodruff said...

Jen, you crack me up. Seriously. We do not have a Target in our town, so I am unfamiliar with their return policy, but I usually manage to win with our Walmart & Babies R Us return desk nazis. You just gotta be mean and stand your ground, and cry a little if necessary.

battynurse said...

Ok so I haven't tried to return anything to Target in like forever so I have no idea about their return policy but wow. It used to be so lax and easy (back in the dark ages when I worked there). We had a guy that returned his shoes every 4 months or so for several years because they were wearing out so he could get a new pair. And the store did it!
This also reminds me of a joke.
Why couldn't Jesus birth have happened in (whatever town you want)? Because they could never find 3 wise men and a virgin there!
Sorry it's the middle of the night and I've obviously lost it.

Anonymous said...

This post brings to mind our visit with the Shepard family when you were somewhere around three years old. You looked at the nativity scene and told people that was Princess Leah from Star Wars and the three WISE GUYS....HA....Mom

andrea said...

gawd i hate target's return policy. but i love that place so much....

Mrs. Higrens said...

You are too funny. Mad props to Miss Olivia for inspiring your hilarity.

uncomplicateme said...

Yes, Target, you and your return policy can stick it. (I wish to address Target directly through your blog, if that's ok.) You wouldn't let me return the same gift I got FOUR times because your registry failed to update when someone purchased said gift. Then you wouldn't let me return more than two of them. Do you really think I ripped off a toy company and then wandered into your store to return random toys that weren't purchased there? Seriously.

UGH.

Dude, I'm not sure how the three wise men's wives had time to do. It's pretty much all I can muster to get B and I both dressed and make sure we eat during the day.

Julia said...

I heart that book, but your right about the "wise men".

Anonymous said...

Amen to your dig on Target Registry/Return policy. It is the WORST!

Sarah said...

Don't hurry on the real entry, I'm totally happy with your ridiculous entries.

Ronnica said...

Totally with you on Target's return policy, which is a bummer given how great their stuff is for the price!

PJ said...

hahahaa!

I love the way your brain works!

Keep those brain farts a comin'!!!

Crazy Sister said...

Hey, I know that book! It doesn't say how many "wise" men there were, just that they brought three gifts.

So my guess is that is was a group of 30 guys, and every group of ten managed to come up with one gift.

Yeah, that'll be it.

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