I should know better than to proclaim how great everything is. Mah baybee is easy, and blah blah blaaaaaaaah.
Yes, last Thursday I put Olivia to bed and then wrote a smug, lame little entry about how fantastic everything is and how much easier my life is than yours. And then I watched some TV and probably ate, because I love to eat and can't stop doing so even though my pants recently had the police come to my house and try to arrest me because they just couldn't stand being held hostage by my oppressive girth. But I sat down and my stomach roll smothered my pants to death and so it was all OK, no jail.
Anyway. After I put her to bed, I was thinking that I should have cut her fingernails because they were really long. Like, long enough that I thought about maybe dressing her in a red and gray sweater and fedora.
Ah well. I'll cut 'em tomorrow night.
The next morning, Olivia woke up with a...gift for me? In her diaper? It wasn't even mother's day or my birthday or anything!
Changing Olivia is like a wrestling match lately. She wants to ROLL OVER! And CRAWL(ish) AWAY! And EAT WHATEVER IS NEARBY! And shove her foot in my face for some NOM! Sometimes it is amusing, and sometimes it is.not.amusing. There is just no telling which way she will go or what exactly she will do.
Like, who knows? Maybe she will reach down into her poopy diaper at the exact same time that you open it, and come up with four Freddy Krueger fingernails full of poo?!
Or, she will DEFINITELY reach down into her poopy diaper at the exact same time that you open it, and come up with four Freddy Krueger fingernails full of poo!!!
So I am all dressed for work, ready to head out the door to the sitter, and I have to take a break to dig poo out of Olivia's long fingernails. And one might think that is easy, except that she really really really REALLY! wanted to put those poopy fingers in her mouth. In my mouth. In her eye. In my eye. Etcetera, ad nauseum, woe.
And so now I call her Stinkfinger.
It is amazing what comes up on Google Images when you search "stinkfinger."
And by amazing, I mean freaking disgusting.
But this was my favorite:
(No political agenda behind this photo, by the way, so don't bother commenting about how Democrats eat babies or Republicans hump kittens.)
(Unless you are being funny and not assholey, then go ahead.)