Monday, November 16, 2009

All the cool kids know Murgdan!

A while back, I asked you about your favorite blogs. A while back, like, the beginning of September. And some of you asked about my favorite blogs.

Look, I meant to get on this, like, three months ago, but then all kinds of stuff happened (no it didn't) and I got really bizzy (not really) and then I forgot (sort of a half truth here) and I've been up all night for weeks trying to make this happen (nope).

BUT, what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to try to show you my favorite blogs by bringing them to you via guest post. I'm going to try to do this once a week, but I make no promises since I am a lazy ass whore.

First up: Murgdan at Conceive This! If you don't read her blog, you should. She is funny and adorable and well-spoken and I've loved her blog for a long long time.

(Murgdan: Me love you long time.)

Jennepper Readers, Meet Murgdan.

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I have arrived.

I have arrived because this guest post will appear on the first infertility blog I ever read. I didn’t find it by searching for things like “oh-my-GAWD-my-husband-has-wonky-sperm” or “we-need-IVF-so-I’m-drinking-alcohol”. I didn’t even google, “maybe if you just relax”. I actually searched for “Infertilty Humor” and ended up here. And I’m still here. So. That being said. The mere fact that I was even asked to guest post here means that I have arrived.

Most importantly, I have arrived pregnant. And needing clothes.

As an on-the-plus-side-but-hiding-it-well woman, I could have comfortably garbed myself in elastic waist pants since my last year of college. But, thanks to my official yet still unbelievable state of expectedness, I now have the official green light go ahead and purchase maternity wear, you know, legally.

I wouldn’t fit my belly into the ‘baby bump’ category just yet. While I don’t yet have a perfectly rounded bit of cuteness, my lower bit of what used to be squishy is slowly becoming more firm—which is awesome because I have always wanted rock hard abs. I’ll take what I can get. I love that for the first time in my life I don’t feel the need to ‘hold it in’, ‘suck it in’, or ‘tuck it in with an old lady girdle.’ I finally feel comfortable in this pregnancy and in my own skin.

Clothing-wise, I am frugal—and not too picky. I first made an attempt to purchase a lot of maternity clothes from a greedy maternity snob on Craig’s List. Craig needs a new list though—because this lady thought there was a difference between ‘used clothes’ and ‘only worn 3 or 4 times clothes’. I offered one hundred dollars for 20 items of used, as in previously worn, clothes, and she turned me down. “But I only wore some of this stuff a few times…I won’t take less than $150. I mean, it’s name brand stuff.” Name brand? It’s from Motherhood, bitch. I’m not trying to steal a deal on your Prada Armani Gucci Secret Belly Cashmere. You can drop that shit off at Goodwill, because for $150 I’ll buy my own new clothes and wear them 3 or 4 times and then sell them for 100 bucks myself.

I was off to the pregnant lady store--which was not an easy step. How intimidating is it to actually step foot inside a shop you’ve been rolling your eyes at for two years? Enough that I sat outside in my car for at least 5 minutes debating if I could put this shopping extravaganza off for just one more week. My bladder made the decision for me. I had to go in—now.

And there she was. Pregnancy Store Sales-Ho. Hunting me down faster than a used car salesman. Stop right there. “I just need one pair of jeans and a pair of work pants. That’s all.” Pregnancy Store Sales-Ho proceeded to show me at least 5 styles of pants, and introduce me to all my waist options. Over a pair of cords she exclaimed, “Oh my GAWD, and these are SO comfortable. I’m wearing a pair right now.” I gaze down at her belly. There’s not one. “Oh, I’m not pregnant. I just love the pants here.” What a strange perfect-bodied woman…who admits to wearing maternity clothes though she is not with child. Freak.

I picked out my pair of jeans and black work pants, and then headed to the restroom prior to trying on my long-awaited purchases. I am not quite sure what happened during my minute long trip, but I returned to a dressing room chock full of maternity pants, maternity t-shirts, and maternity sweaters. I was also given some type of strange fake pillow-belly that made me look like I was gestating an elephant—so I just trashed that under the chair. All I had to do to look 8 months along was stop sucking in—duh.

I was momentarily pissed off at perfect-bodied-maternity-wearing-sales-ho for putting so many things in my dressing room in an obvious attempt to trick me into buying a million dollars worth of stuff. Until I tried the stuff. And I liked the stuff. I was the best maternity customer ever. I bought every item she originally stuffed into the little curtained dressing room. Every item.

I love that these maternity clothes aren’t the flower-print empire-waist muumuus I imagined they would be. I am better dressed now than I have been in the last 3 years. Mostly, more than anything, I’m happy I have a perfectly good reason to wear clothes designed for pregnancy. I’m thrilled that I had a motive to even try them on. I’m ecstatic that I have cause to know the difference between a mid-belly an under-belly and a three-way belly.

Sometimes I don’t think this can get any better, but I have a feeling it will. Still, I’m not selling you my used name-brand clothes for anything less than $150, Craigslist. So don’t even try it.

21 comments:

Dorothy said...

Pregnancy Store Sales Ho got me too! Except for all the spandex and mystery materials that are not my friend when it's hot outside, I heart maternity clothes. My belly sporting husband wishes they came in his size!

Thanks for the guest-post!

areyoukiddingme said...

Duuude! Craigslist is for baby/children's clothes. Ebay is for maternity clothes!

Glad you were able to find something to wear that you like.

Dawn's Recipes said...

Hi, 'Murgdan'! Hehe!

$150? ? That's ridiculous! Motherhood Maternity isn't even that expensive. I'm glad you liked all the stuff she snuck into your dressing room, though. My first visit to MM was in a snooty mall. I thought the MM there would be a good one. It was a pit. The woman working there was old enough to be my grandmother, and she didn't listen to a word I said. I left there so annoyed! I went to the MM at a less snooty mall, and both times at that one I've had great sales ladies. Also, the store was a lot cleaner. And strangely, one of those ladies also admitted to wearing maternity clothes while not pregnant. It takes a strange breed to work at MM I guess.

Jen said...

Murgdan-- Thank you for your post. I did the same thing when I first went into a MM store except I walked back and forth in front of it before going in. Pretty sure I looked awesome doing that. I felt like a fraud going in! "No- not me, I'm not pregnant oh wait that's right I finally am. I belong in here." It took me forever to go in and when I finally did their return policy totally ticked me off! But of course I bought sweaters, I had to after wanting to buy something from that store for so long. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Rose's Daughter said...

Murgdan: I still remember my first trip to MM. I cased the joint about a week before I actually got up the nerve to go in and try on clothes. And once I was there.......it's like crack, you have to keep going back!

BB said...

I still haven't been able to have enough guts to go to a "maternity" store! I am trying to make do with regular stores with a small maternity section... but I guess it is high time that I check out THE store, because I have been left with very few options!

HereWeGoAJen said...

Okay, Jen, I'll add her to the reader since you said so. :) I've been tweaking the reader lately anyway.

And I will admit to being too scared to go to Motherhood at all. I just shopped Target and Sears because then I could pretend I'd just accidentally wandered into the wrong section.

Kahla said...

OK, I'm kinda creeped out that she would actually admit to wearing them.. I mean, sure wear them, but admit to it? Wow, either dedication to the project or totally freaky.

So very happy that you are experiencing pg and a reason to shop at MM. And enjoy every minute of those stretchy, turkey, eating pants!

Bella said...

Oh yeah, I had no freakin' clue what I was doing when I stepped into Motherhood and it didn't help with the sales ho looked at me skeptically and asked me when I was due. I guess I didn't look "qualified" to shop there and I felt like such a tool. I wanted to stamp my foot and exclaim that I was finally pregnant. Nonetheless, after finally determining I was in deed qualified for her maternity clothes, I was tricked into spending way more money than I ever intended by the sales ho.

Delenn said...

Its like chocolate and peanut butter finally came together!! Thanks guys, for making my day! (Long time reader of both blogs--only sometime poster).

Dora said...

I second areyoukiddingme. I hit MM when I first really needed some things. Bought a bunch of stuff. Going there gave me a good idea of what worked for me (styles, sizes), then I got such awesome deals on ebay for a fraction of the cost. In great condition. In fact, one day I was with my sister at MM wearing a skirt I got on ebay for less than $10 (INCLUDING SHIPPING), and my sister said she saw the exact skirt on the sale rack for $35!

Kansas said...

My two favorite blogs merged into 1, does it get any better than this!?

Kristin said...

eBay truly rocks for maternity clothes. Great post Murgdan.

Emily said...

Two of my favorite bloggers in one blog?! A dream come true :)
Murgdan, I pink puffy heart maternity clothes and I too feel more pulled together and better in my own skin than I have in a loooong time. Enjoy it!!!
I tried to sell about 30 pieces of mat clothes on CL for $40, no takers. Maybe I should up the price???

Kerri said...

Love the guest post...Too cute.. I too got got by the Sales Ho...LOL.. It must be a class they teach them or something.

sassy said...

Great post Murgy. I hope I'll have an excuse to let my fat belly hang out soon as well... (;

Parsing Nonsense said...

Great post! I, too, was assaulted by a Motherhood Maternity sales lady and, while she was nice, I almost vomited at the cost of the maternity jeans.

Yes, they are comfy.

Yes, they looked sort of cute.

No, I'm not comfortable spending my weekly grocery budget on them.

Sunny said...

MM = comfy and (relatively) inexpensive

Love it there!!

The only thing I *don't* appreciate is that every salesgirl working there (in the St. Louis and Seattle areas, at least) are about 20 years old and pregnant with their second or third child, clearly working there for the discount. It helps quickly remind me that I am "old" and infertile, should I be feeling too smug with my baby bump.

geeksinrome said...

I avoided dealing with the hos by doing MM online! I still bought a ton of stylish stuff that was so nice I wore a lot of it well past babe's birth. I still wear the sweaters and this one really cool skirt (for PMS boat-bloat days)

Thank you for bringing me here Murgdan!! Hi Jen!

Crazy Sister said...

Love it!

PJ said...

Awww, I love Murgdan too!

Damn, I need to do a post.

Debating on buying a bella band already... kind of intimidated by the whole maternity store thing as well.