Thursday, January 21, 2010

Dirty Thirty

I'm thirty today, and Mark gave me a mystery gift.  Betcha can't guess what this is! 

Surprise!  Tis a SHOVEL!  I KNOW!  I figured I'd just
tell you so you weren't up all night trying to figure it out.
Ur Welcum.

In return, I gave him a concussion.


There is a story to the shovel, and it so very obviously involves me.  Being smug and assholey during a blizzard.  Like, "oh, I'd love to help you shovel the foot of snow, but we only have one shovel.  So good luck with that I'll see you when you are done I will be on my computer dicking around on the Internet, bai."

Saturday, I lounged around the house.  I was so lazy that it was an accomplishment for me to put on a bra and take a shower.  I'm a trophy wife, you see, so it is important for me to...bathe. And bra.  I may have brushed my teeth but I'm not sure.  It is obvious now that I am incredibly sexy.  Don't let your husbands (or partners!) read this because they will all be very jealous and will expect equally high standards and maintaining all THIS is very difficult.  I do not want to burden you.

But anyway, it turns out that Mark had a surprise planned for me, and he told me later that he was really glad that I took a shower.

HA!  How sad.

So my best friend came with her husband and two big bags of Tokyo House.  Surprise!!  I don't think I've talked much about Tokyo House (except once, here) but it is delicious and deserves its own post.  Maybe I will get around to it before I am forty.  I don't know.  But it is Japanese food like none other and I ate enough to stuff a moose.  It was OK because I was wearing pajamas and so my belly was incredibly stretchy.  And it is so far away and such a long wait for a table, I only get to go once a year if I'm lucky.  Perfect birthday surprise!

It was fun.  AND there was cake!

It's my party, and I'll eat 75% of this cake if I want to.
(I wanted to.)
(I did.)

My other birthday gift is a nook, which is the perfect gift!  But it is on back order and won't come until mid-February.  Which is fine, because I will be so busy enjoying my shovel that I won't have time to read until then anyway. 

Then?  After I get my nook?  And it snows?  Mark will be able to shovel the driveway much faster now that he will have a shovel for each hand!

----

One Year Ago: And I Shall Call Him: Dr. Handlebar Mustache
Two Years Ago: Giddy Up!

46 comments:

lis said...

happy birthday!
the dual-handed method is usually overlooked but way efficient, mark!

Princess LadyBug said...

You didn't save us any cake at all?! Bah! :P

Heck, I wouldn't have either!

Happy birthday! You look FABULOUS for 30! And I'm not just sucking up. Okay, maybe just a little sucking up, but not much. :)

jenicini said...

Happy bday! A nook? Very cool! :)

Megan said...

LOL How nice of you to lend him your brand-spankin new shovel when it snows again! haha!

Happy 30th birthday!! =D

Crazy Sister said...

I have seldom seen a better wrapped shovel.

Well done, Mark!

Joshua's Mommy said...

Happy birthday!! And just so you know, I find you incredibly amusing and equally hilarious :)

'Murgdan' said...

Happy Birthday!

Crossed Fingers said...

haha - nice shovel! Happy Birthday and enjoy your nook!

Good Egg Hunting said...

Happy birthday!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Funny Jen.

Kimbosue said...

Happy Dirty Thirty to you!

Mark can wrap shovel like nobody's business!

Mrs. Higrens said...

Happy Birthday!

A nook AND a shovel? You have been a very good girl indeed. :)

Shanny said...

Happy Birthday!!!
I'm jealous you got a shovel.... for him to use with both hands that is. I have not, once, helped my husband shovel. I just don't want to mess up his flow, ya know?
Enjoy your nook when you get it =)

Max's Mommy said...

Happy Birthday!
Funnny stuff today. That cake looks delicious.

Strawberry said...

Happy Dirty Thirty. That cake looks so good I'd have to store it in the freezer and eat some day by day. Everyone else could have their own, other cake.

areyoukiddingme said...

Mmmm...cake!

Oh, yeah, Happy Birthday too! That's a nice shovel.

Jen said...

Happy Birthday! I'm a WI girl who can appreciate a good shovel. Good thing we have a snowblower so I usually only have to appreciate the shovel from afar! :-0 Here's hoping yours is just pretty hanging out in your garage

Amy said...

Happy Birthday! I feel old now!

Krystle said...

Happy Birthday! You only had ONE shovel?! It seemed like growing up we collected a new shovel every year. Then, when we moved to Texas, the last thing to get put on the truck was the damn snow shovel. It was the first thing to go in the trash upon arriving in San Antonio, lol. You'll have to get Mark a super-special engraved shovel for his birthday. Maybe he'll be so excited to use it that he'll want to do the shoveling all by himself!

Nikki said...

Happy Birthday Jen! I hope you have/had a fantastic day.

Elly Lou said...

Happy Day! At least the shovel wasn't a comment on navigating through bullshit, right?

Michelle said...

Happy Birthday! I love the trophy wife.. shower/bra etc! I am laughing at my desk.

Laura said...

Happy Birthday! Today is my anniversary, but I don't think my husband got me a shovel. I'm not sure though. And that cake look YUMMY! Have a great one!

Mel said...

Happy birthday! I hope you have a great day. Please do hit someone with that shovel, I would love that.

Courtney said...

Dirty thirty. I loved that episode of 30 Rock. Happy Birthday!

Stacey said...

Happy, Happy Birthday!!!

poppy.f.seed said...

happy bday!
glad to gear you got a nook(and not just a shovel) :)

Stephanie said...

Happy Birthday, Jen! That cake looks incredible.

Annegirrl said...

Oh, Jen! You should screw the 2 shovels together and tie a broomstick to both handles so he can get double the shovel-full with each scoop. See? You're helping that way.

Pam said...

Happy Birthday!
Thanks for the chuckles. You really have a way with words and your final line had me laughing out loud. Enjoy your nook.

Parsing Nonsense said...

Happy birthday! A shovel is an interesting gift, maybe you can reciprocate and get him a toilet brush and a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner for his birthday?

ams33 said...

Happy Birthday! "..and he who gives a shovel for a present shall be buried with it in the backyard..." yikes.lol

Intelligent Tool said...

happy birthday.

gimme that cake!

mjb said...

Happy birthday! Glad you had fun, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to be surprised - I'd be all, "you know my birthday's coming, how are you planning to celebrate it?"

Leah said...

Happy birthday!!

Babe_chilla said...

As always, I laughed out loud at my desk.

Happy Birthday! 30 is coming up for me far too quickly!

Jen said...

Happy Birthday! I'm turning 29 on Sunday and I feel like I'm hanging on to my twenties by my pinky nails. I'm hoping the 30s are less "who the heck am I and why is did I wake up with Milk Duds and Three Musketeers in my hair?" than my 20s were.

carolyn said...

First: Happy Birthday! Hope turning 30 wasn't too terrible... I'm not far behind you!

Second: I recently discovered your blog (don't ask me where) and plan to continue stalking it because your writing is simply hysterical! Now I have something to aspire to ;)

Aunt Becky said...

Happy Birthday, you sexy thang! That looks like a mighty fine shovel.

Katie said...

Happy Birthday! About time you turn 30. I think this means when you were in 4th grade, I was in 6th grade. I'm surprised we even speak. -- Katie Trook. (Might be showing up as anon, just got new computer, don't know how it works. Sorry. Bye)

Crazy Cat Lady said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I am less the 2 week shy, of the big 3-0 too!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

BTW... u & ur hubby are too cute! Love the pic of u getting ready to knock him over the head with the shovel! LOL ;oP

Shandal said...

Happy Birthday! That cake looks really good!

Shila said...

Your birthday cake just made me so freaking hungry!! :)

Happy Birthday again. Hope it was a good one!

Jaci said...

You're such a cutie, Jen. :)

I love how your dog is looking at your shovel like, "WTF is THAT? I would never get you such a lame present, Mommy. Let's all sleep on Mark's pillow tonight--do you want me to scoot on it? 'Cause I will. Just for you!"

Mandy and Jack said...

Nook? "My husband got me a nook for my birthday?" Sounds so dirty.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Steph said...

you are so funny! I laugh every time I read here. happy birthday! 30 is much greater than 20 for many reasons, the best-you have a cute baby girl!! I hope you had a great great day and your cake looked delicious!