Thursday, January 7, 2010

It's probably good that I don't live in Reno

OR: Why you should never say that everything is boring and there is nothing to blog about.

We spent last night in the emergency room.  Not because a button burst off my pants and blasted Mark in the eye.  But because Olivia was playing a new game - Bet I Can Get My Mom To Call 911.

She's really good at it.

Yesterday, I was wearing my scummiest clothes and on my way to the gym, when my sitter called to tell me that Olivia had a temperature of 102.5.  So I turned around and went back to work to finish some things up so that I could get my little ball of fire.  I'm  not going to lie, I would be the best In-Pajamas worker.  Ever.

Things were OK in the afternoon.  Olivia clearly felt like shit didn't feel well, and took a 2.5 hour nap in the afternoon to go with her 3 hour nap in the morning.  At bedtime it was time for more Motrin, so I took her temperature first so that I could see what we were dealing with.

And that's exactly when she had a seizure.

I'm sure you know, if  you read this blog with any regularity, that Olivia is in constant motion.  From the time she wakes to the time she drops off to sleep.  So when she stopped moving I knew something was wrong, because she hates having a thermometer up her butt.  I can't imagine why.

She looked...stoned.*  I think.  I've never been stoned mahself.  But not Dude Where's My Car stoned.  More like took 12 too many Valium stoned.  And her left arm was jerking around in the air while the rest of her body was frozen.  I didn't connect the dots just yet.  I looked down at the thermometer. 

103.5 SHIT SHIT SHIT SHE'S HAVING A SEIZURE FUCK DAMN HALP HALP HAAAAALP!

So I pick her up, because I am not smart and have never spent my spare time reading up on febrile seizures.  And she was totally limp.  She was grunting, and a constant stream of drool was running out of her mouth.  Her eyes were totally glossed over and wouldn't focus on anything.  Her heart was beating so hard that I could feel it against my chest where I held her.  She had a bowel movement. 

Mark very calmly called 911 like a champ, and within seconds they were at our house.  And if I was to ever blatantly make out with someone right in front of Mark?  It would be these guys.  I've never been so willing to stick my tongue in someone's ear (well, maybe the anesthesiologist in L&D).  I guess competence is a turn on for me when mah baybee is seizing and I'm freaking out. 

They were nothing like Reno 911, which is what automatically pops into my head when I think 911 - even when there is a real life actual emergency.  I see this in my mind:




They offered to take us to the ER, but we decided to drive ourselves.  Olivia had returned to normalish.  So they left and we started to get ready to go.  It was not without much vomit from Olivia.  MUCH vomit.   Much vomit right into my face, onto the kitchen floor, into the sink.  Poor, sweet, sick baybee.  You can't even get upset. 

Plus, the dogs ate most of it before we could get to it, so win, win, win I say.

This is getting pretty lengthy and I am exhausted, so I'll finish later. 

SPOILER ALERT: everything appears to be fine.  But people watching in the ER warrants a full description, plus we go to the pediatrician today at 11:30 so I'll have a full report next time.

*2010 is starting off with a bang.  On Saturday, the dog groomer cut Milo's tongue down the middle** and we had to have an emergency visit with sedation and stitches and antibiotics OH FUCKING MY.  And he was stoned that entire night.  Have you ever seen  a stoned dog?  Not even awesome at all.

**She claims that she had no idea, and that there were a few drops of blood on his face so she thought maybe he bit his tongue.  I told her I found that a bit hard to believe, since he started spewing blood from his face on our ride home and was barking something that sounded like REDRUM.***

***You bet your sweet ass I'm making them pay the $180 medical bill.  If she hadn't played dumb and just told me the truth and suggested a visit to the vet?  I'd understand that accidents happen and just let it go.  But I'm incapable of bullshit and so I'm sending her the bill.  She has agreed to pay it, but we'll see.****

****I'm more than willing to cut her tongue down the middle, tell her that she must have bit it, and call it even. 

48 comments:

Strawberry said...

Holy Christ woman! Both of those things sound horrible! Glad Olivia is ok now but a royal freak-out was definitely in order. And I think I'd be tempted to put on a ski mask, follow said groomer to her car, and beat the living **** out of her for doing that to your dog.

Superstar said...

Since you had such a spectacular 2009, the dirty birds decided to really screw with your 2010. I vote you just hit the rewind button and try 'er again.

Good god. I don't know if I'd have been calm enough to even call 911.

Sevenbread said...

Good God! I would be a hot mess- not gonna lie. We had a very similar experience with our dog and the groomer except they sliced open her leg. Same thing though, stiches, sedation, stoned for the rest of the night.. but absolutely send her the bill. I think it's a pretty hardcore mistake to cut a dog's tongue. I had a little pity on our groomer with my dog's leg because hey, she might have flinched.. but her tongue? Weird. Your poor babies! Get better soon!

Leigh said...

Can I just tell you how much I LOVE your blog! I was almost in tears reading about poor Olivia and your horrible seizure experience and then you go and add in the most hillarious stuff EVER about the dog! I mean... poor dog... but YOU CRACK ME UP!!!! I seriously am in danger of rolling off the couch reading your blog some days! It's fabulous! :)

Crossed Fingers said...

Holy crap - sounds like your 2010 is really starting off with a bang. I've glad both of your babies are ok. What a night!

Minta said...

Poor Olivia (and Jenepper, and Mark!) what a shitty way to start the year. What a shitty thing period to have to see the baybee so sick.

(Also, you should totally slice that groomers tongue!)

Erin said...

Poor Livie Lous!!! The same chain of events happened to a co-worker of mine with her baby. I hear its quite common when they run a high fever, but still...very traumatic I'm sure. I cannot even imagine. I cannot even imagine imagining! I hope you guys are recovering... please give your dearies an update soon! And some funny emergency room observations of course.

Michelle said...

Oh my god. The last 7 days must have been nuts for you. Glad your baby is ok, it must have been terrifying. I have to admit your Reno 911 picture made me laugh.
Question? Did the dog with the cut tongue help lick up the vomit? If so, bravo for him.. what a trooper.
I'm sorry for your craptastic evening hoping everything goes go at the Dr. today.

Mandy and Jack said...

OMG! So glad she's okay! That's so scary! And that sucks about your poor doggie, too!!

kuparstwn said...

Oh God. Scary! Maris's little friend from play group had that happen. It freaked me out then and I'm freaked out now. I'm glad the baybee is okay (or at least better)!

And the poor dog. I would have flipped out on this woman. I'd up the bill to $200 for pain and suffering. :)

Courtney said...

Oh man. I'm glad everything seems to be okay, but I'm hoping the Doctor appointment goes well this morning. Good luck!

Amy Combs said...

Oh. Mah. Gawd. That is extrememly scary and I can't even imagine. Poor Olivia and Milo (and Jen & Mark). I hope that everyone mends quickly and that you get some answers!

Amy said...

OMG!! I would totally have lost it as well. I don't do so well in extreme circumstances...but I'm SOOOO happy to hear that Olivia is doing better. I can't, ok, I don't WANT, to imagine how you were feeling!

Jaci said...

God, Jen! I would have had no idea what to do either! My heart was racing just reading your post.

7 days into 2010 and you're off to a bang up year. Ugh.

Jorden and Kristin said...

yikes! your 2010 is starting off as a year to remember! that is so scary about her fever and seizure! i cant wait to hear about everything in ER!

and i hope that groomer is going to pay the bill! thats rediculous! how do you even cut the tounge! does your dog have a hairy tounge or soemthing?!!?

WellaWitch said...

Ah, the memories this story brings back to me. Like when my baybee was 9 months old and had a fever of 105.4 and I had to put her into the bath tub full of ice cold water. And then when she had the febrile seizure and we went to the ER at Boston General and WAITED FOR 4 HOURS to be seen. And then when they admitted her and TRIED to do an EEG which involves gluing about a hundred wires to my baybee's head with using while she screamed bloody murder. Turned out all was fine in the end, but what a night! Hope yours turns out okay, too.

Allyson said...

I actually do live in Reno, and rest assured, the 911 people aren't like those on the show. I know, I know...disappointing.

natalie said...

Oh, how unbelievably scary! Glad she is doing better!

Stephanie said...

Jen - So incredibly scary. I would have no idea what to do, but you can bet that it would be my husband who would totally freak out. Actually it would be a freak out-off, of who could freak out less to actually call 911.

Poor, poor Olivia. Please let us know if she's okay.

And poor Milo! Horrible, but still pretty funny?

KLTTX said...

Wow, so scary. I always wonder how I would react in a real emergency and pretty sure that I'd be completely useless. I am glad she seems ok now and hope that the seizures stay away.

Sorry about the dog too - ouch!

JennyM said...

OMG - how scary for all of you! What a completely stressful week you've had. I hope Olivia is back to her busy-baybee self in no time. I also hope 2010 quits being such an a-hole to you.

Babe_chilla said...

OMG! That's a CRAZY night! What was it? I would have lost it if that happened :S Is she really ok now?

And my dog just had 8 teeth removed on Tuesday, so I have seen a very stoned dog, and it's more heartbreaking than amusing, isn't it?

Mrs. Higrens said...

Holy Shit. I can't even imagine. I hope she's (and you are)feeling much better today.

areyoukiddingme said...

I hope Olivia will be back to normal as soon as possible. How frightening.

And the dog lady should totally pay the vet bill. A drugged dog is not fun.

Jenni said...

I will be adding this one to my "One More Reason Why I Should Never Have Kids" list.
Good to read that things are looking up for your little girl!

Jaci said...

One more comment...how the f*ck did the groomer cut a dog's tongue down the middle?!?! She had to jam the trimmer in his mouth, and he had to yipe, so she knew exactly what happened!

"The dog bit his own tongue"...have you ever seen a dog bite it's own tongue?!? You can jam a fingerful of peanut butter on the roof of his mouth and watch him gag it down--but he will not BITE HIS OWN TONGUE while doing it.

Bah.

Okay. I should get back to work now.

Devon said...

Jen... I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Keep us posted. I am sending lots of serenity and good thoughts to you now..

renee said...

{{{HUGS}}}

Sunny said...

That really has to be the scariest thing ever. I am so sorry and hoping for the best explaination possible. Prayers for O (and the pooch).

Tanya said...

I'm just a lurker as I love your blog...but I just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with you and Olivia to get better... Sorry for all this crap flying your way.

stephanie said...

A SEIZURE??? Are you fucking kidding me???? Sorry. But, SERIOUSLY??

Holy hell, I hope she's ok and you are, too. I'm having a heart attack over here and she's not even my kid (who, btw, is also running a fever so THANKS for adding SEIZING to the list of shit I need to watch for!)

Yikes. Poor Olivia. :(

Kitty said...

I'm so sorry you had to go to the emergency room! Many of my relatives have babies who've had febrile seizures. They sound terrifying, but luckily most have turned out to be no serious cause for alarm. I hope sweet Olivia is feeling better!

Parsing Nonsense said...

Poor Olivia! Scary time for you and Mark! So glad everything's ok, but what a traumatic evening!

As for your pooch? It seems like the dogs can't ever miss out on the fun when there's something upsetting going on, can they?

Good Egg Hunting said...

I am sweating just from reading this. The good news, selfishly, is that you distracted me from anxiety over childbirth and now I'm worried that the baby will come out fine but someday have a seizure. In all seriousness I am so happy that Olivia and your dog are okay. Hopefully the doctor was reassuring today. Damn straight that groomer is paying your bill!

MJ said...

I'm a lurker on your blog, and just wanted to say that I have a 12-month-old son with whom we spent 6 hours in the ER on Friday night because he also had a febrile seizure. Scariest thing ever, right?

He ended up having roseola, which we discovered on our second follow-up to the doctor on Monday, when I (and the doctor) realized he had a bit of a rash. I guess with roseola the rash comes on at the very end of the illness, and febrile seizures are somewhat common with roseola.

I've got to say the trip to the ER where we waited in the waiting room for 4 hours with a very sick and feverish kid was much worse than the actual illness.

Anyway, just wanted to say that all turned out fine, and he has fully recovered now. I hope Olivia feels better soon!

Laura said...

Just reading your words has put tears in my eyes. I hope I never learn just how scary it was to watch your baby seize, and then to have you puppy bleeding. Oh. My. So sorry this happened to you but glad to hear that everyone is on the mend.

Jen said...

OH my holy. Ok between the baby seizing (I totally thought of Entertainment Tonight's footage of Mindy McReady having a seizure in a clip from Dr. Drew's rehab show, BTW..anyone see that? My reaction to HER seizing and reading that Olivia was seizing were two very diff. reactions) Anyway, between that, and the dog's tongue being split down the middle, holy flying fig newtons bat man, you've got a sitchiation on your hands.

Praying you ALL Are feeling much better. Also, tell the groomer you brought in a dog and would rather not leave with a SNAKE. Holy hell.

Max's Mommy said...

Glad she's okay!! How scary!!

Kahla said...

Oh Lordy, never a dull moment! I'm so glad Olivia is OK, very scary!!!! As for poor little Milo, ouch and she's an idiot for sure!

I don't know how I lived before your blog, I laughed out loud when I got to the REDRUM part and my husband made me read it to him. Oh Lordy indeed!

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

holy crap, that is scary. sounds like she may have roseola... keep us posted.

Tiff said...

Scary! So happy everything is okay. That is pretty much one of my worst nightmares.

Anonymous said...

I love the way you infuse your humor into the telling of a truly horrific tale. You have such a talent for blending the sassy, the sincere and the sweet.

Here's to a speedy recovery for all of you.

jbhat

litlee said...

delurking to say that im so glad to hear the lil pumpkin is ok...holding my breath to hear the rest of the story

i discovered you in the past couple of months when i couldn't have used a smile or laugh more. thanks for helping me get through some particularly rough days with your hilarious writing :)

lisa

www.builtinbirthcontrol.com

PJ said...

OMG Jennnnnnnnnn! Poor Olivia, poor Milo, poor you! I'm so sorry your year has started this way. Sending you thoughts for some boring, peaceful bliss.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear the lil' angel is doing better. My husband and I spent xmas at the Er b/c my little one had a seizer too do to high temp.
Poor guy was there all morning then most of the night- they did a spinal tap ect. It was horrible. They keep saying to watch him when he gets a fever b/c he is likely to have another seizer. So scary.

Clair said...

My nephew suffers from febrile seizures and my kids spike fevers like no one's business. Keep popsicles in your house at all times. They are great for lowering a fever. (Along with tylenol/motrin and washing down with a nice tepid wash cloth) Do you know about tylenol/motrin combo, where they can have both medicines. It really works well to bring down a fever. Ask your ped or email me if you like.

Hope she's doing okay! The dog too!

KandiB said...

Did I miss some stars down at the bottom? There's gotta be one where you've listed the bottles (plural) of something strong you downed after all that. Dang. How incredibly scary. oooof. I don't know what I would have done, either. dang.

BTW - I think I stuck my tongue down my anesthesiologists THROAT. Loved that man.

Suzanne Incognito said...

Oh my god. I am absolutely horrified by the story about you dog. How do you know she didn't do it on purpose?!

Please don't take him back there!

Btw, so glad that your baby is okay also. Just more horrified by your dog because it was inflicted by a person! (Even if he did "bite it" what the hell was she doing to him that would cause him to bite his tongue!? That little b****! If I ever get my hands on her...)