This will probably make you very sad, but I completely lost my train of thought when I got stuck behind a rusty old van doing 50 in the fast lane. Not just the fast lane, but the fastest lane in three lanes of rush hour traffic. And everyone behind me was passing him on the right, so I was stuck looking at his driver's side mirror.
The mirror on any other day would have been annoying. But today it was infuriating. It was infuriating because I was being ripped in two by period cramps on my way to work. And it is Monday. Florence makes it so that I am filled with fury much more easily than normal. (which is pretty easy in general, if we're being quite honest.)
So anyway, I was filled with The Fury. That's what I want you to know at this point. Because of my peeerrrrriooood. You are welcome.
This van, driving in the fastest lane and totally killing my 75 mph turnpike mojo, had apparently lost its driver's side mirror.
BUT! DO NOT FRET!
Ever resourceful, this speed demon used duct tape to secure a hand mirror to the place where his side mirror should be. Upside down, handle in the air, woot woot!
I know I'm not supposed to swear. But seriously? A motherfucking handmirror? COME ON NOW!
Because, really, how much could a new mirror cost? I'd almost rather a person go to Auto Zone and steal a mirror before pulling this sort of maneuver. Plus, I hate duct tape anyways because the boss at my first job used duct tape on EVERYTHING. And he always wore sweatpants and his buttcrack showed when he bent over, which was like ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY.
Of course my completely warped brain starts to form a ridiculous scenario. Like, some filthy hairy disgusting mid-40's guy, sitting on his toilet and flipping through a Farmer's Alminac from 1997, thinking about how to fix his mirror while taking a monstrous toilet-clogging dump. And he's just totally stumped until he looks to his right and sees the mirror he was using to get a better view of his backne and UREKA! Problem solved!
I was so tempted to take a picture with my phone, but I was too busy focusing my death glare directly into his rearview mirror. I was really hoping that he would take my same turnpike exit because I really wanted photographic proof. And I wanted to give him the finger. No such luck.
You'll just have to take my word on it.