Sometimes I read blogs while I'm at work. On my work computer.
And by sometimes? I mean just the two times I'm going to tell you about. That is all. I'm usually very busy doing other things that involve being very busy and very...serious.
Last week marks the second time that I got surf controlled at work because I tried to access something pornographic. On my work computer.
You guys, I KNOW.
I know what you're thinking. That I'm going to be a terrible waste of an unemployment check when I get fired sometime very soon. For trying to look at pornographic materials on my computer. Oh.mah.gad.
The most important thing for everyone to know is this: it was an accident. I promise I do not like pornographic material. I like...shopping. Candy. Shoes. Nachos. I like baybees. LOL Cats. I do not like to watch people Do It. I'm totally serious.
A couple of years ago, I was thinking about signing up for Weight Watchers Online. Because, you know, I needed to lose three pounds and that just seemed like the rational thing to do (I also could have stopped stuffing food in my Nacho hole, but that would be free and also no fun). I had a little free time at work and thought it might be a nice time to check out the Weight Watchers website.
So, do I Google Weight Watchers like a normal, upstanding citizen? No. I do not. I know more than Google so I go ahead and just type in www dot ww dot com.
The Weight Watchers Website? Is NOT ww dot com.
I repeat: the Weight Watchers Website? Is NOT ww dot com. It just isn't. Trust me. Trust me completely, especially if you are at work.
So I type in ww dot com, and BAMSKY! Surf control, pornographic material, you ignorant slut.
And then I died, the end.
That was a couple years ago and now I've learned to just Google things. I know that you are all very intimidated by my Smarts right now and I beg of you: Please don't leave! If you work really hard you can be as smart as me. Someday. Probably.
Last week I was reading a new blog that is very hilarious. However. I made the mistake of clicking a link on the sidebar that was named something completely normal, like Bunnies and Puppies or something, I don't know I don't remember. Because then, can you guess what happened?
BAMSKY! Surf control, pornographic material, you ignorant slut.
(P.S. Shouldn't you be doing work? Useless whore.)
And about a half hour later, someone from our computer department called began a conversation with me, as follows:
Me: * insert work phone greeting here*
He: Ah, Jennifer. Yes. I don't know exactly how to start this with you...
Me: * insert death. destruction. woe. begins to pack desk. about to say, "I swear I don't like pooooorn."
He: Do you know about such and such boring work stuff not at all related to surf controlling or porn?
Me: * insert such relief that I almost make a dirty-sounding noise. *
I suck at life.
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