Monday, April 12, 2010

BAMSKY!

Sometimes I read blogs while I'm at work.  On my work computer.

And by sometimes?  I mean just the two times I'm going to tell you about.  That is all.  I'm usually very busy doing other things that involve being very busy and very...serious.

Last week marks the second time that I got surf controlled at work because I tried to access something pornographic.  On my work computer.

You guys, I KNOW.

I know what you're thinking.  That I'm going to be a terrible waste of an unemployment check when I get fired sometime very soon.  For trying to look at pornographic materials on my computer.  Oh.mah.gad. 

The most important thing for everyone to know is this: it was an accident.  I promise I do not like pornographic material.  I like...shopping.  Candy.  Shoes.  Nachos.  I like baybees.  LOL Cats.  I do not like to watch people Do It.  I'm totally serious. 

A couple of years ago, I was thinking about signing up for Weight Watchers Online.  Because, you know, I needed to lose three pounds and that just seemed like the rational thing to do (I also could have stopped stuffing food in my Nacho hole, but that would be free and also no fun).  I had a little free time at work and thought it might be a nice time to check out the Weight Watchers website.

So, do I Google Weight Watchers like a normal, upstanding citizen?  No.  I do not.   I know more than Google so I go ahead and just type in www dot ww dot com.

The Weight Watchers Website?  Is NOT ww dot com.

I repeat: the Weight Watchers Website?  Is NOT ww dot com.  It just isn't.  Trust me.  Trust me completely, especially if you are at work.

So I type in ww dot com, and BAMSKY!  Surf control, pornographic material, you ignorant slut.

And then I died, the end.

That was a couple years ago and now I've learned to just Google things.  I know that you are all very intimidated by my Smarts right now and I beg of you: Please don't leave!  If you work really hard you can be as smart as me.  Someday.  Probably.

Last week I was reading a new blog that is very hilarious.  However.  I made the mistake of clicking a link on the sidebar that was named something completely normal, like Bunnies and Puppies or something, I don't know I don't remember.  Because then, can you guess what happened?

BAMSKY! Surf control, pornographic material, you ignorant slut.
(P.S. Shouldn't you be doing work?  Useless whore.)

And about a half hour later, someone from our computer department called began a conversation with me, as follows:

Me: * insert work phone greeting here*

He: Ah, Jennifer.  Yes.  I don't know exactly how to start this with you...

Me: * insert death.  destruction.  woe.  begins to pack desk.  about to say, "I swear I don't like pooooorn."

He: Do you know about such and such boring work stuff not at all related to surf controlling or porn?

Me: * insert such relief that I almost make a dirty-sounding noise. *

I suck at life.

--

One Year Ago:  My First Period
Two Years Ago: What are my plans for April?

26 comments:

Minta said...

Niiice!

Mrs. Higrens said...

No porn for you. Slam!

renee said...

i'm laughing very hard right now, however i feel as though i shouldn't laugh at you b/c a similar incident happened with me. it was like a bagillian years ago when i had a job i got paid for. so i was interested in the upcoming election and i typed in www dot whitehouse dot com. totally NOT owned by the actual white house. at least i don't think so.....?

Lisa said...

I am so not reading this at work...

*~*Lis*~* said...

going to go check www dot ww dot com now!

And yea - www dot whitehouse dot com is NOT in anyway related to the government. Well, maybe it is?

sheilah said...

One time I was doing some shopping (at lunchtime...totally okay where I worked at the time...really) and got the "inappropriate slutty, porn site, you ignorant slut". Was Bare Necessities (dot com). Really. Was not ogling girls in underwear. Just needed a new bra.

Jeez...

PurpleDogMommy said...

I did something of similar ilk about 10 years ago, at the YMCA (where I worked).

Because of my actions, our whole facility was "banned" from the interwebz. I was mortified and my co-workers were sincerly peeved.

My point? You have my sympathy. Who's the funny blog? I love funny blogs! (besides YOURS, of course). Ahem.

Alyssa said...

Two things:
1. I am almost certain that you were reading my new favorite blog (okay, second favorite since I love you and all) that I linked on FB and now I feel bad. Tell me it's not my fault! I need validation!
2. Friday I was trolling the internet looking for interesting hairstyles to wear when I am in a wedding in September. I clicked on one link that promised lots of pictures of awesome hair, and was instead redirected to soemthing like boobiesboobies.com, which immediately caused my computer to freeze and shut itself off. So I had to call the IT guy and tell him that I wasn't looking at boobiesboobies, but I was looking for hair. Uncool.

Jen said...

@PurpleDogMommy - hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

@ Alyssa - Yep, totally your fault. If I get fired, you have to pay my mortgage.

Crossed Fingers said...

ROFL - thank you for the laugh - much needed today!

Mrs. V said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. V said...

*raises hand* Yeah, so... this happens to me EVERYDAY! I don't know why I don't Google!

I was looking up baby bedding, but I misspelled a word when I typed in the website, and instead, was shown HOW babies are made. (Facepalm)

BTW, my verification word to submit my comment is "Pregnest". Sounds sexy huh? I think I should Google it. LOL!!

kimbosue said...

Just so you know jennepper.com is now considered porn at my work. Not because I ever read you while here, I mean there. Ahem...it's only sometimes blocked so I think it must be those new porn sponsor ads that show up that are causing it to be blocked...

Malloryn said...

Too funny! Also, you need to trademark "BAMSKY!".

Calliope said...

you don't like porn?? It's like I don't even KNOW you at all.
heh


...off to go tinker with my web cam.

p.s. word verification is "supuckym" which sounds very drrrrty

Just me said...

One of the blogs on my bloglist which is definitely NOT porn, it is in face about infertility and loss, always pops up as porn on my work's filter. I have no idea why, but it's annoying because the *ahem* few times I'm reading blogs at work *cough cough* I can't read that one. So apparently spam blockers are not fool proof.

Rebecca said...

If you get into trouble for looking up porn at work, then do not I repeat do NOT look up the Natural Harvest Cookbook while you are at work. Surprisingly, it's not work safe.

Stacy Woodruff said...

When I worked at the high school, I got those kind of warnings all the time. Not because I was looking at porn at work, but because the filter they use is so restrictive that it thought my fertility clinic website was a porn site. God forbid one of the preshus kiddies might learn that people can have difficulty getting pregnant. Society is so scared that kids might see something "inappropriate" that they have almost completely disabled the internet. Of course, nobody cares if their 5 year old watches CSI or if their teenage boy has playboys under his bed. But let them see a boob on the internet and it's "OH NOES! MY BAYBEE!" People need to get a grip.

hairyfarmerfamily said...

I once googled the SETI project. You know, the sciencey thing?

I got back: Sex with Extra Terrestrial Individuals. All doing it like demented-crazy, complete with high-budget alien suits.
Wowsa.

'Murgdan' said...

Ahhh-wooo-woooo.

My coworkers are STILL talking about the various people who were fired for looking at porn while working...at least if you get fired you'll be famous forever.

Natalie said...

I laughed so hard! I have done something similar, however at my work you get a nice big screen with a huge X that says "restricted material". I always cringe when I get those and have that deer in the headlights look, like "please don't think this is what I do in my time away from work." ha

InfertileNaomi said...

No, boss, I wasn't searching porn during work hours. Hee hee.

JenJen said...

puh-HAHAHA! Perhaps there is a class you can take or little widgit you can use to "dig out" all those nasty sites! Maybe a smily-face that turns red and mad!

Jericho said...

OMG! Too funny! And you tell the story so enthusiastically...its pretty amazing!

LB said...

wwww dicks dot com is not Dicks Sporting goods either.
WTF was I thinking???

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