Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Life Coach: I Haz One

At the beginning of April, I found out that I won a blog giveaway.  I don't often enter giveaways.  I find it totally obnoxious to tweet/blog/facebook/tattoo on my forehead to enter a giveaway.  Maybe it's just that I'm lazy, but no thanks and plus I don't really know how to tweet anyway, so there.   

But this giveaway was easy to enter - just leave a comment!  Well.  I'm a piss poor commenter.  I must have felt ambitious that day or whatever, but I left a comment and I'm so glad I did.

I won a six week session with a life coach.

What exactly does a life coach do?   I had no idea.  From what I gather, in a nutshell, a life coach helps you reach a goal.  Whatever goal you decide on.  The life coach helps you work through the kinks so that you can do whatever you're trying to do.

This is good for me.  This is potentially disastrous for her.  Heidi is her name, and her website is To Be Luminous. I want to make sure to tell you this because I know that you all Pity The Fool who has to deal with me and my neuroses for the next six weeks in 45 minute intervals.  She lives in Prague now but plans to move back to the  US in June.

I'm afraid I will change her mind, is all I'm saying.

I suck so thoroughly at life lately.  I feel like I'm in a constant sprint and even when I have free time I can't get caught up because my ass is drawn to my couch like some sort of enormous magnet.  It's not that I'm really unorganized.  That's not true.  I have lots of help from Mark.  I'm just busy and kind of being a baby about it.

As a matter of fact, it took me two weeks to schedule a time to speak with her.  Because, you know, typing a two sentence email and hitting send is just way too much for my delicate psyche.  And then to think of what I want to work on?  Really? 

This required pulling my head out of my own ass.


My only actual workable idea was to be more healthy.  I eat like shit 50% of the time, and then spend the other 50% of the time eating healthy and wondering why my pants are too tight.  I do exercise, but it really means nothing when I'm shoving a super sized fry into my mouth and daydreaming about a large DQ Blizzard for dessert.

So for the next six weeks, every Saturday morning, Heidi gets to listen to me babble on about my various neuroses in an attempt to help me make better food choices, exercise, and just generally be a more healthy person.  My accountability partner.    I'd love to lose 5 pounds, but I'm trying to focus on being healthy instead of feeling skinny. 

But skinny would be nice, wouldn't it?

Also.  I'm planning to be stuffed full of frozen embryos sometime soon, and I think a lower weight and good workout routine will help with The Diabeetus.  I'm sure I'll still have it because God Hates Me but maybe I will be able to drink milk and eat fruit this time without falling to the floor into a diabetic coma.

 And since I know you've all been missing Wilford Brimley, here you go:



Diabeetus!  Diabeetus!  Diiiiiiiaaaaaabeeeeetuuuuuus! 

Diabeetus. 

--

One Year Ago:  The End of the World As We Know It
Two Years Ago:  Infertility Pants

23 comments:

Leah said...

Bret Michaels also calls it Diabeetus! And I laugh and think of Wilfred Brimley and then you!

Crystal said...

Is it bad that I read that whole post and all I took from it was the part about you planning to stuff yourself with frozen embryos? Does that mean I want to stuff myself with frozen embryos, too? One would think that 18-month-old triplets, going back to work, and the husband planning to start med school in 2 years might be enough. Apparently my infertile subconscious does not.

*~*Lis*~* said...

all I got out of it was also the embryo stuffing! Very exciting - we have an apt with the RE on Thursday to discuss our next cycle :) Us infertiles love to populate the earth when we're able!

Anne Marie said...

www.caloriecount.about.com helps me keep track of calories when I am really ambitious about losing weight. Good luck!

Princess LadyBug said...

I have the diabeetus (Type 1) so I know how much it sucks. I hope you manage to dodge that particular bullet.

Alyssa said...

I want you to know that I actually uttered the word "squee" when I saw that you wrote about this.

terralhill said...

I can't wait to hear more about your sessions with the "life coach." I also eat everything in sight and then complain about being fat!!

Elizabeth said...

I'm so glad you shared. I've been wondering what you decided ever since you said that you and Mark were having to decide to put money in your tax free health savings-thingy. But, since I've heard how rude it is to ask ppl about their reproductive choices (and, well, we're strangers), I didn't want to ask. But anyways. yea!

Mrs. Higrens said...

Count me as another one who read "stuffed full of frozen embryos" and the rest of the post turned into just so much blah, blah, blah.

Still healthy is good. Skinny is nice but healthy is better.

mrsarainey said...

YAY for embryo stuffing!!!!!!!!

Jen said...

Oh YAY! This is tres exciting. I don't know what tres is but I always wanted to use it in a sentence...so there it is. I'm tres excited for the frozen baybehs that are going to be in your belleh! WOOT!

Courtney said...

I'm so excited to hear that you're gonna do a FET cycle soon. Sorry to hear that it has to come to that in the first place, but I'm excited to read about being a mom the second time around. Good luck and good luck with the 'beatus.

Vaso said...

Yeah for the FET!! Me, like some others here, also couldn't get past the FET! I have two IVF children and I am also thinking about "getting stuffed full" of my two last frozen embryos in a few months. Good luck to you!!!

areyoukiddingme said...

Wouldn't a personal trainer or nutritionist be more useful than a life coach? Do you really think you can make Prague more attractive than the US?

Good luck in your healthy eating campaign, and in your quest to be stuffed full of frozen embryos!

Courtney said...

lol I'm another one who just read the getting stuffed with frozen embryos...exciting!!

Jaci said...

Twitter is GAY.

Yeah, I said it.

I want to lose a little more than 5 pounds. More like...oh...50. Maybe I'll have a 20 pound baby?

I hope everything works out with the next round of embryos!

D said...

I think this sounds really cool. You get to tell a complete stranger what your goals are and they have to help you reach them! I'm definitely anxious to hear how this works out!

Heidi Lyn said...

Hey Jen! I just read this . . . hilarious. I completely enjoyed our first session. Can't wait to touch base again on Saturday.

Crossed Fingers said...

Good luck on your goal! :) I hope the coach helps! Also congrats on the stuffing of embryos! :)

Rebecca said...

I'm pretty sure if I ever had access to a life coach he/she'd commit suicide.

ABLynch said...

"my ass is drawn to my couch like some sort of enormous magnet" LOL You just made my day!! I thought I was the only one with a magnetic ass. I can't tell you how many things I haven't done in the name of good TV. Or bad TV. :)

Laura said...

The fact that you were able to pull your own head out of your ass, while it had been drawn like a magnet to your couch, is very, VERY impressive.

If you can do that, you totally do not need a life coach.
In fact, I will pay you to help me take my own head out of my ass. Like a "head out of your ass: coach. That is exactly what I need.

And ya know what? People in LA would actually pay for that!!!!!

Jayne said...

Oh Jenepper... (did i spell that right?)
I'm so glad you're funny again, 'cause you know, you went through a little bit of a less-funny phase for a while, a bit ago. (I still kept reading you tho)
Glad you're back & break a leg with the embryo stuffing & your diabeetus-free baby-growing health quest. Looking forward to hearing about the life coaching too.