Monday, May 17, 2010

Tony's Whippy

I was driving home recently, and almost killed myself trying to get a picture of an Ice Cream Truck that was inching beside me in rush hour traffic. Of course the combination of my overly excited hand gestures (GET A LOAD OF THAT TRUCK OTHER TRAFFIC! AND YOU TOO PEDESTRIANS!  BUT NOT YOU, KID, LOOK AWAY!) and my shitty iPhone camera totally ruined any photo I tried to take.

My belief that The Ice Cream Man is pervy is really probably just a reflection of my flawed character. Somehow. I'm afraid to ask other people, because not everyone appreciates my blog fodder.  Talking about blog material in real life just makes me sound like a dumbass.  Unless I'm drunk, in which case I sound awesome.

Anyway. This truck? You guys...It was the most amazing Ice Cream Truck ever. EVAR!

The picture on the side of the truck was a clown, making the typical Creepy Clown Face.  But this clown was holding a popsicle.  Except, you couldn't see his hands, and the popsicle was just floating in the air at about a 45 degree angle, away from the clown and pointing toward the ice cream pick-up window.

It looked like a giant penis.
I need to tell you that it was red, white, and blue.
A giant, red, white, and blue penis popsicle.

Now, I know that all Ice Cream Truck Drivers are special snowflakes, and you know, you probably know a very fine, upstanding Ice Cream Truck Driver.  I know.  But I'm sorry: every Ice Cream Truck Driver I've ever seen looks a little bit skanky.  Usually like the kind of person you warn your kid about when you tell them not to take treats from strangers or go near kidnapper vans.  And then there is a giant penis popsicle on the side?  I'm just saying, it's a little pervy.

Jennepper's Rendering of The Ice Cream Truck Who Refused To Be Photographed In Rush Hour Traffic:Trust me.  This does not do justice.

Since I didn't get a real picture, I turned to my lover friend Google Images.  Search term: the ice cream man is pervy.  Result: OMFG (and also: ewwwww).

Here's my favorite: Tony's Whippy.


ewwwwww!  Freshly made for you!  ewwwwwww!

And the second runner up, from FAIL Blog: Mr. Ding A Ling's Ice Cream (complete with warning to Watch Your Children)


I need a vacation. Or a hobby. Or...just a life, in general I guess. But how else am I going to entertain myself during my 2 hour commute every day? And don't say something brilliant like Rosetta Stone CDs or something. We all know that I couldn't possibly fit any more smarts into my brain.
---

One Year Ago: Play Doh and Birth
Two Years Ago: I'm 1 Day Pregnant!

21 comments:

kate said...

i totally agree about creepy ice cream men! I don't know if it's the music, the truck, the phallic treats, or what, but definitely very creepy. luckily here in portland, oregon they basically drive 3 wheeled golf carts with little trailers, which seems much less scary!

Beth Kyle said...

I also agree about the pervy ice cream guys and I think there should be some sort of law that regulates how many times they can circle aoround a neighborhood in a day. The endless drone of pop goes the weasel in a creepy carnival tone always wigs me out.

Kristen Wolfe said...

About two years a ago the town I was living in has a news story about an ice cream man who was arrested for child molestation. Don't doubt yourself they ARE creepy!!! Every time I see one now I think about that story.

Candice said...

It's the perfect job for a perv. I'm surprised I havent seen a CSI episode on this yet!

areyoukiddingme said...

The ice cream man is always creepy.

I saw the best truck at the airport once, and my camera phone sucked so much I couldn't read what was so wonderful on the side of the truck. Sigh...

EB said...

I love pervs. Not "come live with me and watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey" love but "You are gross AND hilarious" love. I think I must be a closet perv because everything looks like a penis to me. Or maybe that's the ole psych major in me... Damn you Freud! You Penis you!

Heidi Lyn said...

I think you should stash a camera in your gloove box just in case Mr. Perv comes around again. We can't leave precious life-changing moments to these iPhones.

Christine said...

I am so taking a picture of our "ice cream truck" when they drive by our house next. It will make you cry tears of fear and hilarity at the same time.

Lori said...

I seriously hope you didn't perform that Google image search at work. BAMSKY!

Lauren.Furrer said...

Yea, ice cream truck drivers are pervs. As are clowns, mall santas, easter bunnies, and that dude that sits by the playground with his polos shirt tucked into his too-tight sweatpants. Because who wants to have any of those positions in life? ...a pedophile that's who.

kimbosue said...

All the ice cream truck drivers from when I was growing ip looked like pervs too! Blech!

But there's my mom encouraging me to go talk to this weirdo and take a tasty treat from him. Turns mystomach just thinking about it!

Rosetta stor is for losers!

Crossed Fingers said...

hahaha! Nice pictures! I agree - Ice Cream truck drivers are 98% of the time creepy guys...pervy guys and probably guys they do Law & Order SVU shows based on.

cathyjoy said...

i tend to lump ice-cream truck drivers in with the smarmy guys who run carnival rides...gross!!!

Anonymous said...

When I was living in the city, we had an eastern indian ice cream man that we stopped for ice cream in front of our house. The guy REEKED of alcohol. So when I said something about how you shouldn't be drinking and driving over children (something to that effect). He peeled out and took off in his ice cream truck. We then, being young and stupid, proceeded to chase the ice cream man, while on the phone with the cops. He got a DUI. heheheh...it was quite the chase....

Rebecca said...

When I was growing up we called the ice cream truck driver the 'ding ding lady'.....I'm pretty sure the semantics of the word/phrase speak for themselves...right?


The ones around here that my kids see...yep, shady, creepy guys!

Mel said...

Laughing so hard I could cry! Ding-a-ling rocks!! Why don't people see the obvious grossness? There is a place here in Dallas where they do carpal tunnel surgery called "The Brown Hand Center."

LOL

I am so fricking juvenile. I laugh my ass off everytime I see the commercial for it. And the guy (presumably, Brown) is all serious about his practice and how he treats all his patients like family and then it shows him with his family all smiling and being happy. Like they somehow don't get the obvious.

Anonymous said...

I just had to post because the verification word was osperms. I do agree that clowns in general are creepy though.

Ann M. said...

We have an ice cream lady who looks like she has smoked for 50 years and hates kids. If I wasn't scared to death of her, I'd take a picture so you could see what an old hag looks like. Her truck plays "La Cucaracha" and somehow people STILL buy ice cream from her.

(and...my verification word is hicksine, totally appropriate, as I just confessed to living in hillbilly bordertownville)

Lauren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lauren said...

So, when I lived in Vegas I saw an equally pervy ice cream truck. I also whipped out my phone to take a picture. The name? Pooter's Ice Cream. And yes, I did get the photographic evidence. And laughed about it for an unnecessarily long time.

renee said...

On mothers day we were driving through alliance and at the porn store they had a gianormous sign that said "ladies day special buy 2 dvd's get the third one free"
*cue blog fodder in real life. now in my head it was freaking hilarious, because, duh! what mother DOESN'T put smut on her mothers day wish list? i know, I DID. however when i say this in real life, i get crickets. of course my target audience may have been a bit off...it was just a small group of toddlers and a late-20's man with a bad sense of humor. anyway, i tried very hard to get a pic on the way home, but it didn't turn out well, so i never put it on the blog. but now that i've left this giant comment for you, i'm realizing i should have...