Friday, June 25, 2010

The State of My Uterus.

Oh, people. I am nothing but dramz. Click away now, or get your pointer finger ready. You might want to make the whole gag gesture and I would hate for you to throw up on your khakis.

So. Wednesday. The day before my beta. I go pee and guess what? Spotting!

Now, I've spent a ridiculous amount of time over the past four years checking the toilet paper. Trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, trying to recover from being pregnant, trying to get pregnant again. It's just reflex at this point to wipe and look. 

Luckily nobody was in the work bathroom after I pulled yet another wipe and look and was all, "UGH of fucking course."

Pink and brown and disgusting and just offuckingcourse, you know?  So I go back to work.  And a few hours later when I leave, I call the doctor and they're all, "hey, it's probably fine!  See you tomorrow, drama queen!"  They said it's really common, and brown and pink is a good sign because it's probably old blood and blah blah blah.

The spotting stopped that evening, and since there may or may not have been (ahem) some loving going on at our house the night before, I chalked it up to mah sensitive cervix is a whore, the end.  Mark chalked it up to something else and if you don't know what then I'm not telling you.

Now it's Thursday and I have my beta.  I'm totally calm all day.  My beta is good: 5119 - doubling every 1.7 days and things are looking up!  I'm genuinely excited.  I download a pregnancy app on my iPhone, which was probably my big mistake because 5 minutes later I go to the bathroom and guess what?

Red blood!  Yippee!  And, the entire night was full of a fun array of colors seeping from my Lady Business.  Brown!  Pink!  REDRUM!  Hell, I even ruined a pair of Victoria's Secret underwear.  I mean, my life is virtually complete at this point.

I didn't even call the doctor yesterday, because what are they going to do?  Nothing.  At all.  I will either stay pregnant or not.  I'm strangely detached from the whole thing and am now twisting it to get my way.  For example:

Mark: Are you going to take the dogs out?
Me: I can't, I might be having a miscarriage.

Who can argue with THAT logic?

I hoped for a little reprieve from the action in my underwear, but this morning was kind of like the first day of my period when I woke up, except it was dark and sludgey..  So...yeah.  It's kind of hard to throw up jazz hands over a nice rising beta while wearing a panty liner.

I hate the word panties.  (Making the gag gesture right now.)

I'll probably call the doctor today, but I'm sure they'll be all It Might Be OK So Suck It Up.  My ultrasound is in a week.  Hold on to your panties underwear, it's going to be a long wait!

--

One Year Ago: Reflux for Dummies
Two Years Ago: Parking for Expecting Mothers Only

63 comments:

Crazy Sister said...

Well, that sucks. Sorry it's all crappy at the moment.

Maddy said...

Congrats on such a great beta! But I'm so sorry for the roller-coaster ride. I can only imagine how scary it is to see the blood. My heart would drop to my stomach if I saw that in early pregnancy. I have my fingers crossed for you!

Mrs. 5C said...

I'm so sorry! I would be beside myself. I hate the TP game. It's so overly dramatic when really all you want to do is freaking pee at work in peace. I'm thinking good sticky thoughts for you today.

The Thai Family said...

I had lots of bleeding with my first pregnancy and she was healthy at birth. I thought I was miscarrying and they did an u/s right away to check. I would call them and tell them and you might be fine. I spotted with my next two pregnancies after that with sometimes red blood and again u/s early on indicated things were fine. Good luck!

sprogblogger said...

Hoping for no more blood, because spotting during early pregnancy sucks shit. (That said, it's also common - I bled all through this pregnancy's first trimester. Which you already know can happen.) Just hoping that all is well, and thinking of you. And hoping.

sunny n said...

That sucks hoping all the bleeding stops!!! Stick baby stick!!!!! FX for a heathly bub at your u/s ♥

Mrs. Alex P said...

I am so sorry you are going through this and having g to stress over the spotting. I spotted everyday for the first 18 weeks of my pregnancy, i was so filled with anxiety it was awful but now i have a happy and healthy 8 month old. If it continues for you maybe you could try renting a medical grade heartbeat monitor for your peace of mind.

Enough happiness said...

Jen- I know how stressful it can be to wait that week until the ultrasound. Hang in there.

Mom of the Twinkies and Tot! said...

When I was pregnant for the first time with my son I had a lot of spotting. It lasted for almost a month and I was terrified. It too was an array of colors...started out just the brown ick, went to pink, and at times was pretty red. I think I was in my doctors office once a week until it finally came to a halt.

Try to just stay off your feet as much as possible & think positive. I know its really hard to do & you run to the bathroom every 5 seconds to wipe & look but try not to. I think I did that my entire pregnancy worried that at some point I was going to be gushing blood and it would be over.

It didn't end however till 36 weeks with a healthy, gorgeous 6 lb 11 oz baby boy!

Praying for you!

Just me said...

When I had bleeding, my doc had me come in the next day for an ultrasound. It turned out I had a subchronic hematoma that was causing the bleeding.

My story may not be all that helpful since I lost the pregnancy (due to my crazy growing fibroid, not the hematoma) but Peanut Noodle had something similar and is now 29 weeks pregnant.

SO I hope it's something like that... but if you call your doc maybe they can bring you in earlier.

Good luck!

stephanie said...

Ugh. F'ing bleeding. I had that for fifteen weeks with Olivia. It should be against the f'ing law. Especially with all the shit we have to go through to even get pregnant. NO BLEEDING.

I hope everything is fine next week at the ultrasound.

'Murgdan' said...

I hate the TP lookout as much as the word 'panties'. Thinking of you.

renee said...

i hate the word panties also...almost as much as moist. :-P

anyway, i bled like niagra fucking falls in the begining of my pg with maria. it started as spotting then the next day i was all "ooh.em.geee!" and then tears and such. but then i went in and saw her little heart beat for the first time and then i cried like niagra fucking falls, so it was a really *moist* day all around (see what i did there). anywho, i'm sure you know that it can happen, but i know it doesnt take away how scary it is. i'll be thinking of you.

ladybug said...

I bled a lot during the first trimester (a lot as in two visits to the ER for heavy bleeding in addition to pretty much daily red spotting). After 12 years ttc and going through IVF to become pregnant, I thought OMG now the pregnancy itself has to be difficult too? When can I catch a break? Thankfully it stopped at the end of the first trimester (except for one small bit of brown spotting at 16 weeks). We think it was partly due to the 3x/day progesterone supps and mostly due to a subchorionic hematoma, which is a surprisingly common problem.
After that, things were great (and no morning sickness the whole pg - yay!!) and my sweet daughter is now 15 months old.
Hope this helps in some small way to make you feel better as you do the dreaded TP lookout. Thinking of you.

uncomplicateme said...

Panties (ack!) makes me stabby.

Sorry things are so up in the air, I hope the next week goes quickly. Hoping for a teeny little beating heart next week.

Mrs. Higrens said...

Ugh. Sorry your Ute is being less than cooperative.

Sending good sticky and non-bleedy thoughts your way.

Cernanec Family said...

I started bleeding at 5w5dish with the girls. I had an ultrasound the next day. I had a subchorionic hemorrhage next to baby A. They saw 3 sacs, no heartbeats. One week later, no blood and 3 heartbeats. I'm not gonna lie, it can go either way. But chances are really good that you also have what I had. They are really common with IVF and multiples, too. I'm not saying to stay posititve or any of that crap. I'm just saying you might have a perfectly healthy baby or two in there with a little bleeder on the side. And if you get impatient, go to the ER or ask for an ultrasound to see if that's what you have. They can usually see the Sub Hems on u/s.

I hope your bleeding stops and next week you have some great news.

Allison said...

Get thee to an ultrasound, stat! Stick, little one, stick.

Kahla said...

Well shit. OK, here's my take since I'm sure you've been waiting on it. I've done 5 fresh cycles and have had 2 produce children, 1 not work, 1 chemical, and 1 miscarriage. Even with my miscarriage I did not start bleeding until after I was off progesterone for over a week. So, I would not be one bit surprised if it's a hematoma that's responsible. I'm sending prayers and will notify my prayer warrior friend immediately. Cause really, what could that hurt? I would call the doctor and maybe they can work you in sooner though, just for your own sanity. I know this can go either way, but I'm really wishing for the good way for you. Definitely smart for using it to your advantage, that's brilliant. On a side note, I would definitely have a hands-off rule for a bit (if you know what I'm saying). Of course if he's anything like my DH, then he'd love a little hands off lovin' - gag. So be careful how you word it! ;o)

Acia said...

While I should probably be commenting on the more important news (spotting = sucky), I just wanted to share my disdain for the word "panties." It must be one of the creepiest words around, the sound of which never fails to leave me feeling dirty. Glad I'm not alone. I'm more of an "undies" gal myself. So, here's hoping for spot-less undies in your future.

winter blue said...

Hang in there hun... hoping for good news.

Marie said...

Sending calming,happy vibes to you today. Take them..really.

I bled for a week with Conner (after some lovin :).

I think at this point an ultasound would probably piss you off because it is too early to see anything and there is nothing worse that looking at an empty sack. They did an ultrasound while I was bleeding and I handled everything fine until I saw that empty sac on the screen and was a wreck all week until my next scan.

I don't think us fertility challenged folk EVER stop looking at the TP

VladKellyAnyaB said...

your blog is hysterical!
Im sorry about AF showing up.
I stumbled upon it looking for IF blogs.

Minta said...

Fucking balls! Since there was, or was not, some lovin' going on let's totally hope that Mark's giantness disturbed a subchorionic hematoma. Only way to find out is to get thee to the doctors and force them to use the wand...

In the meantime I think the whole "I'm pregnant and bleeding, so cannot do shit (that I don't want to do)" stance is completely valid.

Jodi said...

I spotted with both of my successful pregnancies (one from IVF and one FET). It ranged from brown to bright red and all sorts of consistencies. With Nico (IVF) I spotted from 6-12 weeks off and on....he's 20 mos. now :) I spotted BRIGHT red and heavy around 6 weeks with Declan (FET) and he just turned a month. Try not to stress too much....I had the same attitude as you though. What will be, will be. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Maybe you were pregnant with twins and u are possibly miscarrying one of them? Just a thought.. the same thing happened to my sister in law with both her pregnancies after IVF and the dr. said it was most likely due to her miscarrying the twin.I hope everything works out for you! Fingers crossed!!

mamakass said...

Ugh is right. I'm sure you've heard it, but stressing wont help. Not that telling you that will help either.
Thinking of you.

kate said...

I'm sorry Jen. I really hope everything is ok and all this crazy drama stops soon. Can't you just have a nice, normal pregnancy?

-K said...

Lame. I say underpants. Good luck lady, man you sound like my blog... Pull up your potty seat, this could take awhile.

http://mypottyseat.blogspot.com/

-K

Laura said...

Well Phooey. I'm hoping this spotting is nothing and that in nine months you'll have Olivia #2 on your hands. You are in my thoughts and prayers though. I hope the bleeding stops!

sarah23 said...

Ugh, I'm sorry to read about this. I hope HOPE that it stops and that all is well.

I hate the word panties, too. Does anyone really USE this word?? My husband has said it and explained that he didn't know what else he was supposed to call them.

In my house growing up, they were called "underwear".

poppy.f.seed said...

Stress! That sucks. If you aren't cramping, that is a good sign. I cramped like hell while spotting/bleeding with my FET m/c.

One week for the u/c, is a long wait, no kidding. Could you ask to go in earlier?

Anonymous said...

I am currently in the same boat. Perfectly doubling betas, but had 11 days of spotting starting the day of my first BFP. The spotting did stop, but I have had a couple gross wiping episodes since. The doctor told me I am considered a threatened miscarriage, but also that spotting can be normal. I hope all is okay with you.

Leah said...

I am sorry to say I am guilty of saying panties. I hope the bleeding stops and please call your doctor!

Aunt Becky said...

1) the word "panties" is worse than the word "moist."

b) I'm sorry, yo. I effing hate limbo. I bled with 2/3 pregnancies. They were fine. Just troublemakers.

Alison aka Baby B said...

Thinking of you and the state of your uterus. (That's totally not creepy in this context... right?) Seriously though, I am wishing you the best.

be said...

Hang in there! All sorts of funky stuff can go down in the first trimester and still result in a healthy baby (and Mom). Take care of yourself - sending good thoughts your way!!

Rebecca said...

Lots and lots of prayers for you and your baby.....lots.

Lauren.Furrer said...

So damn frustrating. If it makes any difference, after reading this I punched myself in the vagina and yelled "you things are such assholes." Yes, I call my vagina an asshole...and I call my asshole Choco VonPuff. It makes no sense.

HereWeGoAJen said...

I spotted and bled with my successful (Elizabeth the Great) pregnancy and not at all with my unsuccessful pregnancy. So I hope you are doing the same. Turned out to be placenta previa, that damn placenta attaching in the wrong place. (But they didn't even discover that until like twenty weeks.) But it moved itself later, so that was good too.

areyoukiddingme said...

Hoping that all is well...spotting/bleeding sucks. Wishing you lots of luck.

Also, the word panties should be banned.

Crossed Fingers said...

OH NO!!! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. How heartbreaking. :(

P.S I hate the word panties too - I think a lot of women do. We need to start a mission to change it to something not so "five year old-ish"

Dre said...

Tell the whore cervix to knock it off. Sorry she's a givin you troubles.

Katherine said...

Hugs.
I had spotting and bleeding (even the soaking a pad in an hour kind at 12 weeks) through 17 weeks, and still had a healthy baby. It was freaky at first, but after my big bleed, the spotting ceased to bother me, even when red.

I would still call the RE. Aren't you close to 6 weeks, maybe they can get you in for an early ultrasound (because of the heavy red bleeding you were having).

Meanwhile, put yourself on bed rest. (My RE and OB didn't suggest it at all for bleeding, but I went for bed rest anyway.) Oh yeah, welcome back to pelvic rest.

Good Egg Hatched said...

You know what -- I'm not going to tell you that it can be totally fine, because you know that already. And the thing is, when you're in a situation like that (as I was), even if you know it *can* be fine, it doesn't stop it from being scary and shitty. So I'll just tell you that a bunch of us are really hoping right along with you that it *is* fine and that you stop being tortured by the bleeding very soon. Seriously, I have everything crossed.

raisingmiles said...

Sorry the ute is being a bia.

And "sludgy" is worse than "panties" any day.

Parsing Nonsense said...

Oh man, hopefully it's just a subchondrial bleed and your ultrasound will show it's no big deal. Fingers crossed for you Jen!

Jennifer said...

It might be "nothing" but you just go ahead and freak out if that's what you need to do. I've never struggled with infertility as you and many others have, but I have several close friends who have been on this roller coaster (which is how I found your blog).

Your sense of humor - even in the face of a potential loss - is inspiring. You made me laugh right out loud numerous times today (I read lots of old posts).

Whatever happens with this pregnancy, I just wanted you to know that some random chic in Iowa thinks you're AWESOME! I'm sending up prayers for a healthy pregnancy - with a shiney happy baby waiting at the end!

Best...
Jen R (friend of Amy Crawford "O Baby Where Art Thou")

Heather Fanter said...

At least you are dealing with the stress of spotting by being hilarious and witty. Well done.

Krystle said...

That's totally something I would say to my Dh. It sucked because they told me I was having a MC with Peyton and I was a mess, but it was odd. Either way, just to give you hope (false or not) I bled A LOT my entire pregnancy, especially in the beginning. Fingers crossed for a healthy heartbeat and some bigger betas

EB said...

Well that just sucks hot donkey balls of fire. I'm sending your uterus friendly, hospitable vibes and less of the technicolor underwear variety. I hope all is well.

Sunny said...

I'm glad your beta was good! I had several incidences of spotting/bleeding with my second pregnancy after IF treatment... because I was having TWINS. :) Anxiously awaiting the results of your ultrasound, and sending up some prayers.

Alyssa said...

Lots of hugs. Put your feet up and make Mark treat you like a fucking queen.

lis said...

i have been thinking about you a lot - hoping that the bleeding is GONE! i keep looking for an update to let me know you're okay. i hope you were able to chill this weekend, hard as that is when bleeding.
xoxo
lis

Kansas said...

I've spotted through (almost) this entire pregnancy. Does that make me one crazy fuck 24 hours a day? Yes indeed, ma'am.

Dr: I can't find a reason for it, just relax.

Me: (jumps out window)

fingers crossed for the best for you

Annegirrl said...

I really hope it's just some of the benign bleeding lots of women have during their first tri. I've got my legs crossed for you.

Maggie said...

I am stalking your blog - waiting, hoping everything is okay.

Aimee said...

thinking of you...hoping for a good update soon.

Anonymous said...

I'm so anxious to hear that you're okay! Update soon! -Megan

Negative Nelly said...

Hope you're doing ok...thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Jen my thoughts are with you, and my brain is beginning to leak out with worry. We miss you, and yes I am delurking for this. I know we don't KNOW you like we feel like we do, but I hope you know that there are people who care about you and are thinking of you right now.

Anonymous said...

Hope all is right and good!
JP

Sunny N. said...

Thinking of you looking for a update, hope everything is ok!!