Thursday, July 1, 2010

Abstract Art In My Pants

Doesn't some guy shoot paint up his ass and let it all blow out onto a canvas and sell it as art? I mean, if there is a market for that, then do you think there might be a market for the murder scene that appeared in my underwear over the weekend?

Ok. Maybe first trimester bleeding isn't art-y.   It is, however, murdery.  Which makes me wonder if I'm going in the total wrong direction with the art thing, because perhaps I should focus on TV?  CSI: My Underwear?  Law and Order: Underwear Unit?  Or possibly reality TV: My Big Fat Asshole Uterus!

Friday, I ended up going to the doctor to get a repeat beta.  The nurse told me I could have an ultrasound if I wanted, even though it was probably too early to see anything at all.  All I heard was ULTRASOUND which is basically like blowing into my ear and hand feeding me fancy chocolates on a deserted beach. 

So I had my ultrasound and we could see what might be the gestational sac, but might also be free fluid.  Or a gerbil for all we could tell.   My beta on Thursday was around 5000, and Friday it was 6244.  So far, not a miscarriage but for added fun: hey!  It might just be too early for your number to go down!  Enjoy your waiting!

Friday was mostly just brown spotting and I was starting to feel a little better, especially after all the comments on my last post.  But Friday night, while sitting on the couch and watching True Blood (I wish I was kidding) I felt a giant gush and it was...gross.  Red.  Gross.  Gross.  Gross.  I'm surprised that vampires aren't outside my house right now trying to get in on all this blood action.

Saturday was miserable.  I had cramps and heavy bleeding and it was awful.  That's all I really have to say about that.

Sunday, the bleeding was almost nonexistent.  No cramps. 

Monday, I went back for another beta, and it was just over 11,000.

My ultrasound is Friday.  I'm distracting myself with baybee cuddles, cookies, and Wii Tetris Party.  I apologize for my lack of updates - I seem to be suffering from soul crushing exhaustion.  I've been working on this post since Monday. 

I'm completely surprised at my reaction to this situation.  When I imagined this happening, I imagined being a red-faced snot-nosed tear factory.  Really I'm just tired of my own complaints and ready for this to either be over, or to move on, or whatever.  I have a lot of beer and coffee to drink if I'm not pregnant, is what I'm getting at. 

If I am still pregnant, I'm guessing it's a boy. Since it's being such a pain in the ass.

--

One Year Ago: Reflux Redux
Two Years Ago: Out.  Like the Fat Girl in Dodgeball

37 comments:

Kansas said...

Because it would be too much to ask for a health easy pregnancy after going through the hell of infertility and IVF, right?

Hoping for the best.

raisingmiles said...

WOWZA. That's a lot of activity in your pants. Enough to stress anyone out.

I hope you get your wish.
A. You're pregnant. With a boy even.
B. You get to drink all that coffee and beer.

Mrs. Higrens said...

Wasn't that ass painter in "Good Advice" (Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards)?

I agree with Kansas. Post-IVF/FET pregnancies SHOULD be easy and not a craptastic saga.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

Maddy said...

Total suckage. But your beta numbers seem totally awesome and don't indicate that anything is wrong. I'd hold on tight to those facts. Good luck!!!

Deanna said...

I've been wondering about you. Sorry this is being so suckity sucky.

HereWeGoAJen said...

I'm sorry this sucks.

I hope it isn't a gerbil. Even though that would be awesome. I'm hoping for actual baby.

WellaWitch said...

My ultrasound (6.5 wks) is today. Let's hope for good things for both of us. I finally told my husband but you are still the only other person in the world who knows because you are my BFF internet friend. Don't worry - I'm not a stalker.

areyoukiddingme said...

Wow...don't even know what to say. The bleeding sucks, but the betas tell a different story. I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best for you.

Ashley said...

Delurking!
Hope that your beta stays strong and the abstract art in da pantz goes away. I seriously, stare at my blog dashboard every day and wait on you to update because you are that funny. It's sad really about how creepy I am. Anyway--love your blog!!!

Ms. J said...

I was stunned so many times that I was still pregnant with all of the bleeding I had - my OB ordered FIVE ultrasounds between wks 5.5 - 12 to help calm my nerves, I think.

I stopped bleeding around wk 9. Turns out it was a giant hematoma, which lots of women get. The cool thing about getting ultrasounds during this time is that they can measure the hematoma and tell you if it's getting larger, smaller, or being reabsorbed by your body (which mine eventually did, after scaring the bejeebers outta me for endless wks).

eestarn said...

I have been following your blog since the Redbook days. And I find you indredibly hillarious.

I hope nothing but the best for you and your family.

I am not going to tell you to hang in there or blah blah blah. But I can tell you that I also had a murder scene around this exact time last year. And for a long time in fact until my 12th week I believe. And this morning I dropped off my baby boy to his daycare.

Good luck, relax and enjoy that precious little girl. She will help you get your mind off things.

Estrella

hydrogeek said...

I didn't figure out I was pregnant the second time around until it was almost the second trimester because I thought I'd had my period. And yeah, it was a boy. He's still a rascal, at 18 months old. I wish for the same pain in the ass for you.

Minta said...

Oh my, with the mixed signal drama! Grrr!

Just a little anecdote... My sister is currently 27 weeks with a girl and her pregnancy started this way and she's still bleeding (though not with the cramping so much anymore). I hope yours decides to play nice at some point soon, but if not, it's still possible to get a baybee out of a hellish pregnancy.

Mrs. V said...

I wish I had a crystal ball (and knew how to use it) so I could tell you that everything is or isn't okay. I know it sucks to be in limbo.

I had some spotting with this pregnancy after having some sexy time with my husband, totally freaked me out!!

Anyways, I hope your ultrasound goes well!

-K said...

Hang in there lovely lady. I'm rooting for you.

OliveLEAH said...

the progesterone I've been putting up my kaslopis has been forming stalactites or stalagmites (I forgot what is what)in my panties...

There could be a whole exhibit devoted to art from lady parts... in fact we should call it that:

"Art from Lady Parts"

Although I doubt my husband would ever sleep with me again if he got a look at this up close... EWWW!

Chicago Mom (Heather) said...

I had the exact same experiences with my daughter (might have been watching True Blood also!).

She is having her 1st B-day tomorrow.

I bled so fricking much through the whole pregnancy and not one doctor knew why. I saw the best specialists in the Chicago-land-area and no one found anything wrong with my ute or placenta. But I bled and bled!! Literally until the day I delivered her..

So hang in there. Hugs!

sprogblogger said...

Ugh. So sorry you're having to go through this, and hoping - so very much - that nothing is 'wrong' (though, of course, bleeding in early pregnancy NEVER fels 'right'). Thinking of you and hoping for good news soon.

Crossed Fingers said...

Oh my gosh! I would be going insane if I were in your shoes. I hope the bleeding stops soon and the baby is healthy!

Mel said...

I had so much bleeding the first 2 months, it was ridiculous. I had so many "it's over, I know it" moments that it makes me sick to think about it now. Around week 9-10, it stopped and never happened again. I just got really, really fat and ate everything in sight. I guess I'd take fat over scary bleeding any day.

Lauren.Furrer said...

Sorry about the limbo. Total suck-sandwich.

However, you should know that the opening line to this blog may be the most genius in the history of opening lines.

Sunny N. said...

That sucks I hope the bleeding stops. Great betas though hoping you see a nice fetal pole at your next u/s FX ♥♥♥

uncomplicateme said...

Waiting blows. But I puffy heart you and am sending lots of happy puffy heart thoughts. :)

Rebecca said...

Lots of prayers for your beta numbers to go up and up and up.

Jaci said...

I can't believe the doctors can't tell what's going on! Having to sit at home and wait and worry sounds like pure hell.

I'm praying for you!

Shannon said...

I'm so sorry. You're still freaking hysterical even through the hard times. Infertility sucks the big one. Hoping for the best for you.

TDND said...

Wow! Um.. Congra.... Or, well. Good luck tomorrow? I've been following you for a while cause we were preggers and due at the same time, and you're funny and stuff, but haven't checked in in a while cause I've been busy chasing my monkey and doing ivf, because I'm obviously not insanely busy enough with one crazy monkey.... But just on bed rest fer a not so great reason ... And needing a laugh stop by to read you... And... It's like I'm reading my last week.

I really hope you have much better results with it then I did.

Good Egg Hatched said...

Ugggggggh. I can't remember if I already said this (lately I repeat everything like an old man), but I had bright red bleeding around six/seven weeks and then again at 28 weeks (which won me an express ticket to a three-night hospital stay at the academic medical center downtown, which I arrived at in a gurney in the back of an ambulance per my doctor's orders, just to make it really special and memorable). My five-month-old just finally went to sleep after screaming his head off for 20 minutes.

I know hearing stories like mine doesn't necessarily help you really relax when you're going through your own craptastic episode, but at the time I collected this kind of little anecdotes like little rabbits' feet. I hope hope hope you have a happy ending too.

EB said...

You're awesome. Your uterus doesn't deserve you. Just sayin...

Sarah said...

I've got everything crossed for you, lady.

Hugs.

mamakass said...

I'm so sorry you have that going on in your underwear. No one wants that type of action. Hope that stops soon and for a good reason!

Kahla said...

Crap, not sure what to say other than that. Your BETA sounds great. I'm hoping for a vanishing twin or something that's causing the bleeding. Keeping everything crossed and saying some prayers. Just way too much going on in your panties for my liking.

Michelle said...

1st tri bleeding sucks. Just the right way to start of nine months of stress and nerves. I had poo poo betas to go with my bleeding and was a wreck. But then I had a good u/s, saw heartbeat, got seriously pukey, continued being pregnant (despite contrax starting at 23 weeks, pre-e and bed rest) and now have a two month old BOY. (See, you're right - PAIN IN THE ASS!)

Nick and Kristi said...

I hear you girlie the up and down spriral can be draining...Im going through a similar situation and it can really drain a person and take the fun out the miracle thats happening....My thoughts are with you:)

Anonymous said...

i also bled until 12 weeks with my son. Like the other commentors it was huge haematoma.....loads and loads of bright red blood, very scary, but no clots. With the 3 miscarriages i have had it was always lighter bleeding with clots. Try not to second guess, i am currently 9 weeks pregnant and had spotting at 7 weeks, just had another scan and all is well. For me the bleeding isn't worrying, but clots would be. Sorry if tmi, but i know that when worried and googling like hell, i always wanted as much relevent info as i could find. Xx

brunettebeachgirl said...

Thinking about you this morning. Hope everything is good and we all get a great update this afternoon!

Jen said...

Oh my gosh, congrats! I have been following your blog and it really has helped me find a sense of humor through fertility treatments. Your blog has made me laugh about loosing count of how many people see my lady business. And it totally paid off for you and your family! Thanks for the laughs and again, what amazing news!