Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Stripped of yet another bragging right.

I am no longer able to brag self-righteously about how my kid has never shit in the tub.

Because she did.  This very evening.  Half diarrhea, half 40 year old man toilet clogging turd.  Right in the tub, with no warning save one tiny grunt and a duck fart.  And then we all died.  The end.

I'd love to describe it to you in painfully uninteresting detail, but all I remember saying is "OH MY GOD I AM CATCHING POOP IN MY HAND!" and also "GET A DIAPER ON HER ALREADY GAAAAH!"  I mean seriously, I can't think of any thing worse than scooping up a turd with your hand while suffering raging morning sickness. 

First the whole pee cup thing, and now this? If the trend continues, what am I going to say at business events when they do the "tell us something interesting about yourself" ice breaker?  I have no discernible talents, no athletic ability, and no hobbies besides Baby Gap, and now my daughter shits in the tub.  And I'm totally screwed if my mouth stops doing this:


I've got nothing to talk about except poop - my lack thereof, and Olivia's abundance.  I'm going to bed.  The end.
--

One Year Ago: It Is Entirely Possible That I've Lost My Marbs
Two Years Ago:  Motherhood Maternity is a Whore

16 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

It's like a rite of passage...

Amy said...

I just woke up my sleeping husband laughing at, "And then we all died. The end."

Thanks for the laugh!

Rebecca said...

This is so funny, but what I did when my kid made stinky potty in the bath tub, I scooped it out with a paper dixie cup and poured it in the toilet...........then emptied the tub and showered off the kid.....It was still gross..........

Rachel said...

And then we died... love it

Alison aka Baby B said...

I remember when I lost my "never had a little boy pee when his diaper was off" status. It ended with a slow-mo "Noooo" dive, with diaper in my outstretched arms (he was standing, just out of the bath but of course on carpet). No more claim to fame. Le sigh.

Now, my story is definitely not as icky as this, and I cannot even imagine how gag-inducing it was when already nauseous. I am sorry! Hope this is Olivia's one and only time making a mess in the tub.

kharris said...

Now THAT...was hilarious! And I am laughing WITH you and not AT you because we have ALLLL been there (or will be there soon). I love telling these stories to my pregnant-for-the-first-time friends and watching their eyes grow round with terror... Poor you having to clean it up AND having morning sickness! Hang in there! Love your blog - you always make me laugh!

Bekah said...

I'm not going to brag about my son's pooping in the bath status- because you know as soon as I do, he will poop pretty much every time. So I'm just going to offer you my deepest sympathies and yeah, that's so gross. And please when it finally happens to me, I hope to all that is good and holy that my morning sickness is over.
I once worked with a guy who had worked at a nursing home before. He told me that he had caught poop in his hand while changing diapers. ADULT POOP TO WHICH HE WAS NOT RELATED!!! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

kimbosue said...

Congratulations on joining the "My baby shits in the tub" club.

It's a very elite club.

ABLynch said...

Sigh. The first time my baby boy pooped in the tub IT WASN'T MY TUB! We were visiting my sister-in-law when it happened, and I was so embarrassed. But I just rinsed it down the tub. I left him in until he was done, rinsed it down the drain (he was only about 4 months old) then hosed him off in the sink while my husband bleached the tub. Good times! Just think, someday you can brag about how your TWO babies pooped in the tub simultaneously!

Parsing Nonsense said...

SO GROSS!!! That's all I have to say...Just, EWWWWW!

Amy said...

I hate to say that this has become a regular occurence in my house, but it seems it has. Something about the tub relaxes her enough to decide NOW is the time. It's nasty...and I'm only glad that the toliet is right next to the tub...sometimes I'm able to get her on it before too much of a mess is made. Yuck!

ErinEvelyn said...

Here's hope: I have twins (5yo now). Neither of them has done this. Hopefully this will just be another thing that sets Olivia apart from her siblings.

olivia said...

i'm very happy you did not post pics.

Heather said...

Wow! I was just catching up on blogs as I'm woefully behind and caught your excellent news of twins (not poop in tub). Yeah, that saying "Shit happens" is for a reason. I think it has something to do with kids and tubs. Hang in there. I never had morning sickness with Phoebe, but with the boys, I had to keep eating to not get sick.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Oh, crap. Pun intended.

Now you need to watch out because once they've crossed that threshold, there's no going back. After all, what would feel better than reliving yourself at random, than relieving yourself at random and not having to sit in it until some adult decides to change the diaper?

All I'm saying is, the times they are a changin. So be prepared.

Word.

Barbara said...

Oh my gosh, you totally jinxed me. I just read this blog entry a couple nights ago and was laughing because I still "had" that bragging right. Then tonight, one of my triplets pooped in the tub for the first time. We had a great almost 18 month run with no poop. I have to blame someone, so I'm blaming you. :) LOL!