I am a pretty amazing pee-er. I mean, it takes some amazing skill to have a HUMAN in your stomach, sticking out like a watermelon, and still be able to aim your pee stream into a small sample cup every week. It was a major source of pride for me to pull up a full cup with a dry hand.
Naturally, I was excited to nail my first pee of this pregnancy. This will be my last pregnancy and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't up for the challenge of peeing in a cup with TWO HUMANS in my stomach. I am a winner, after all, and I require many challenges to keep my killer skills fresh. Bring it, multiples! I will pee around your collective asses!
Imagine my surprise when I arrived to find a whole new setup in the OB restroom. Apparently, the normal, small, skill requiring pee cups are reserved ONLY for those dirty bitches who have an infection. And they're serious about this, because the sign was in all caps, like this:
THESE AWESOME LITTLE SKILL REQUIRING CUPS ARE ONLY FOR YOU DIRTY BITCHES WITH AN INFECTION. KTHXBAI.
It is possible that I'm slightly off on the wording a bit, but it was almost exactly like that.
So now I have no way to boost my self esteem, besides showing a doctor my vagina on the reg again (which, come on - it does make me feel pretty and popular). Now? I have to pee into a giant cup which requires no skill whatsoever.
Woe. Woe is pee.
My appointment was uneventful. Showed my vag, bewbies were fondled, dignity questioned. I had to take everything off for my exam, and of course I sounded like a complete pistachio when I was all, "everything? Because I have this fear of being naked when you come back and you'll have told me to only take off my pants." And she was all, "uh...everything."
I go back in a month for my 1 hour glucose and my NT scan.
I got a prescription for Zofran, and guess what? It doesn't do shit for me. As in: it doesn't help my All The Live Long Day Sickness, and it does not allow me to take a much needed dump. So...if you need me, you'll find me lying in bed, most likely. Much like Brian Wilson. Please don't take offense when I dry heave in your face.