Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Ed Fardy

I generally use my iPhone camera for good, not evil.

Generally.

The problem is that I'm just not very nice.  I mean, I could work on it.  But I'm not really that interested in being a better person.  I'm not mean, really, but I'm just not nice.

Sometimes I use my iPhone to annoy people who annoy me.  It's only fair.  For example, this old guy would not stop staring at me in the mall.  I tried everything.  I smiled and looked away.  I stared at him with my best "STOP LOOKING AT ME SWAN" look until my eyes dried out.  I made a strange face at him.  What else is a girl to do but whip out her iPhone and take a very obvious picture.


Hey!  Your tanning bed called!  They said you have a fucking staring problem!

On the other hand, I sometimes use my iPhone to photograph people who have done absolutely nothing to annoy me.  Except that they exist.  In this case, I have to be more covert.  Luckily, I disabled the shutter sound on my phone so that I can be a total asshole and take a photo under the ruse of texting. 

I recently caught this gem at the same mall.  This lady did nothing to annoy me, aside from getting dressed and being in my line of vision: mid-fifties, tight Aeropostale sweat shirt, Ed Hardy sweat pants, and CROCS. 

And then I died.  The end.

Ed Fardy?  Ed Tardy?
Your buttcrack will be eating your douchey sweatpants while you enjoy your sandwich.
At first I thought the whole buttcrack tragedy made her pants appear to read "Ed Tardy."  But my Facebook friend Lauren suggested "Ed Fardy" and I think I like that better.

I should just stop going to the mall.

--

One Year Ago:  You Know What's Funny?  Rugs!
Two Years Ago:  You Down With RLP?  Yeah You Know Me!


20 comments:

White Picket Fences said...

LMAO ..seriously. I'd type more but I'm laughing too hard and I'll probably pee my pants. Oh ..if only you could email her that pic.

Mrs. Higrens said...

Niiiice.

I think sweatpants with writing on the ass should be banned. There's just so much potential for abuse...

raisingmiles said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!! so grody. And Crocs? I still hate them.

P.S. I sometimes use my iPhone camera to take similar pics of unfortunate clothing and shoe debaucles.

EB said...

God. I love this post.

It's experiences like this that make dueling it out over a crap parking space, walking 10 miles uphill both ways, and then forgetting where I parked totally worth going to the mall. That and the pretzels. Can't forget the pretzels.

Lynn said...

I totally do the same thing! Annoying people everyone are fair game for being the target of my sneaky picture taking. God bless the iPhone! Best.invention.ever. Just make sure the shutter is off. Cause then people just get mad.

Jodi said...

You are f'ing hilarious! You have more balls than I do to take pics of people who have staring problems. I'm more passive agressive :)

Adam and Julia said...

That's awesome! Thanks for making me laugh!!!

Aimee said...

Bwahahaha!

Oh, I think I love you. I sometimes wish I could capture people like this. Thank goodness you did it for me.

areyoukiddingme said...

Awesome! Staring guy totally needed his picture taken. Now, you just need to print it out and post it on one of those grocery store bulletin boards with a good caption...

Also, I'm pretty sure anyone over 22 should not wear anything that has writing on the ass. But, I'm old and mean (or maybe just not nice).

Sarah S said...

too funny!!!

hmmmm.....maybe I should start using my iphone for a little more evil and less good....

Desi said...

That was all of the things everyone around you are thinking...you just are able to put it out there haha.

Anonymous said...

I love you LMAO!
-Katie
Raleigh NC

Heidi Lyn said...

I can't believe you got that guy just staring at you! And the old woman????? Well, she had it coming. Hilarious . . . a perfect way to start my morning.

Carter said...

That guy kind of looks like he's enjoying you taking his picture. Perv.

The other day, I took a picture of someone's annoying vanity plate, and she totally busted me. It was all worth it, though

AFWingMom said...

okay ~ your post made me laugh outloud. and as a fellow covert picture taker I do appreciate you sharing that gem. really I do.

Lindsay83 said...

1. I totally use the picture function on my blackberry for evil. I got caught taking a picture of a douchey guy with a rhinestone belt buckle on public transportation, and he asked me if I was taking a picture of his dong. The answer was no.
2. Thought of your blog last night at my Yoga for Fertility class, the last class in a 2 month series, I mentioned that my partner and I (yes, I am gay. It causes pronoun confusion.) were trying 2 more months right now, then taking 6-8 months off before IVF and possibly going to Aruba in the spring as a consolation prize. The instructors response was, "You never know! You might come back from vacation pregnant!" The whole class looked at her like she had 5 heads, because this is a very talky intensive class. I kind of laughed, with the response of "If I come back from vacation pregnant, I will probably also come back from vacation divorced." Gawd.

Parsing Nonsense said...

That is awesome. Personally, I cannot abide the Ed hardy stuff. For some reason it transforms everyone I see wearing it into an instant d-bag.

Shandal said...

LMAO! I love a good discreet mobile pic! These were definitely worthy!

Anonymous said...

I think we are long lost twins! Your posts always crack me up but this one is a favorite!!

Kendra said...

Whatevah, that klasseigh lady is totally hot.

(Thought you might appreciate this entry in the "weird ways people find my blog" files -- I stumbled on you after Googling "anal fissure." It's my fault for being gross and actually Googling that, but it's mostly my fetus's fault for gumming up my works. Anyway, I'm glad I found you! I hope Olivia's butt is doin' good lately! K bye.)