Tuesday, December 28, 2010

No/yes/possibly/doubtful.

Updating is pointless, but I'm by myself with nothing but an iPhone and wifi soo hey hey hey, Internet!!!!

So my blood pressures and labs were all Rockstarish. Rockstarish, like, normal. As opposed to: full of vodka and traces of rhino tranquilizers. Why don't I just say they were normal? Because I'm a dick, that's why.

The doctor was all, let's look at your 24 hour urine and get you the second steroid dose and then you can be all moon-faced and complainey at home instead of here. Mmmmkkay. So I tell everyone who has rearranged their schedules to watch our outside baby so we can have two more babies and make them watch those two, too, while we go out every Friday and drink vodka and participate in recreational rhino tranqs. (because we are totally Rockstarish).

Then. Then!!! A half hour later? I go for my growth scan. Would you believe me if I told you that tiny twin hasn't grown at all in two weeks? I bet you'd believe me because I'm all woe is me and here is my dramz and oh wait! Let me lay it on you and then not update for like three weeks!

Still waiting to hear from my doctor but I'm guessing I'm having babies this week. Again. Or, always? Or...whatever.

And? AND!!!!! Mark got food stuck in his throat and had to go to the ER. And now he's in GI getting it fished out. I haven't cleared this with him, but there was a similar incident with a hot dog while we were dating that obviously is still mentioned with maniacal laughter on a regular basis. So clearly I am anxious to hear what sort of delicacy is lodged in there this time so I can prepare my ridicule accordingly.

In better news, he is in the very same hospital as me. So they can wheel him down later and we can spend the night groaning inisety while making the other patients think we are bumping uggs. Should be fun!

24 comments:

Jen said...

I should mention that auto correct is an asshole and I can't edit posts on my phone. That's the pleasure of my blog. The excellent writing, I mean.

Kristi said...

Well I hope things go as well as can be expected. And I just wanted to interject that growth scans done less than 4 weeks apart may not mean much. Meaning, if the same sonographer used the same equipment, then perhaps there is some meaning that tiny twin didn't grow in the last 2 weeks. However, if it was someone else, or on a different machine, then I'd take it with a grain of salt. (I was in a quite similar situation with my twins this year - had them in May). Anyway, I'm sure you probably already knew all that, since you're smart and all, but thought I'd give you a smidge of hope with those tidbits. Sending happy thoughts!

Jaci said...

Does he inhale his foot? Because at every meal, Kevin makes this "ffffffftttppp!" sound like he's sucking in spaghetti noodles and it's fucking CHICKEN BREAST.

And I slam my fork down and scream, "God, stop INHALING YOUR FOOD! Put your fork in your mouth, shut your mouth, and pull the fork back out! How fucking hard is that?!?!"

One day I'll be with him at the ER ranting about how he sucks down food. Literally.

Kahla said...

Auto correct is a bitch, like it knows what I want to say better than I do... whatever.

Anyway, you are a terribly busy girl, aren't you. So sorry tiny hasn't grown (will you be giving her that nickname)? I'll be sending lots of prayers from Texas that 1) Mark is OK with his stuck food and 2) that your impending delivery goes smoothly and the babies are OK. I'll send some for Olivia too, there's a big change coming! Good luck!

Emily said...

Maybe the hospital can get you a fancy room for two? ::snigger::

lis said...

Just wanted to tell you that you make me smile. Today must really suck-but I haven't heard the word "catheter" yet so yay! I hate catheters. Anyway I just wanted to send a lil comfort, a daydream of pillows, fresh sheets and real clothes. That fit. You will be back to normal one day soon. Even if they come this week they will be okay, I promise, even tiny twin. Ill be thinking of you. xoxo Lis

Christine said...

You just made my day... again. LOVE your writing style and figure you are doubly as fun in person. Hope those babies of yours carry on the maniacal humor! I am chowing down on my 3rd helping of rainbow jello in your honor.
Best - Christine

clearness said...

I totally love your outlook on everything here in this blog. You always bring a smile to my face. Thanks

JennloveAustin said...

I don't typically comment, but...

ummmm... how does he have food stuck in his throat... for a second time?? I'm sorry, but I laughed out loud. Horrible.

In other news, I hope the baybees and you are OK!

Julia said...

Long time lurker. Wishing you the best. Please do update us. Thinking of you and all three of your baybees. And maybe even the hubs. What is with men?

A New Beginning said...

The fun at your house never ceases to amaze me. Good luck!

Jen said...

Well, he has some narrowing in his esophagus and food gets stuck occasionally. He actually has to have it widened in 6-8 weeks. That should be fun!

Carol said...

I'm glad at least one member of the family isn't in the hospital--Olivia!

Carolyn said...

You're killing me here! You're admitted to keep an eye on the little ones and Mark ends up in the ER...wow, when it rains, it pours! Wishing you and your babes all the best in the coming hours and days. Grow tiny baby, grow!

MFA Mama said...

What? Seriously??? This is hilarious. The only way it would be funnier is if Steve Martin was involved, and some sleeping pills. Keep us posted!

Heather said...

I'm thinking about you. Hope everything is going better than when you wrote this.

jrmrose said...

Our tiny twin didn't grow at all (well, maybe an ounce or two) in the couple weeks before I delivered. I delivered at 34w4d. She was 3 lbs, her sister was 5. They are now almost 6 months and doing awesome...still 2 lbs apart but the % discordance gets so much smaller as they grow. Good luck!

Brenda said...

Holy Toledo! So, seriously, is Mark trying to outdo you on the drama department? You have got the three of you IN ONE BODY....so he goes and chokes himself?!?! :) Hilarious and scary at the same time. And your update that he needs his esophagus WIDENED...ugh...ew...and great timing! I know that all this is stressful, with things changing by the minute (and by each shift change with each doctor). But I wish you, the babyees, hubs and Oliva all the best. I hope you can post again soon, but I am guessing you have your hands full!

Thinking of you all. And meanwhile, stock up on baybee food for Mark. Preferably start with stage one and see how he does!

Beth +1 said...

That post did not end up like I thought it would :)
I am TRYING to feel bad for the guy but I feel as if your plight deserves all of the compassion at this point.
Good luck to you all!

areyoukiddingme said...

Well, since you're bored, you have wifi, and an iPhone... you should be reading DamnYouAutoCorrect. Then again, maybe not, since you might laugh those babies out.

Hope they come to some sort of decision regarding delivery soon, and that none of the girls inherit their father's narrow esophagus...

e said...

i left one comment on your blog, a long time ago, having discovered it while i was still ttc (and olivia had already made her appearance but the twins were not news yet). and now i follow it obsessively because, well, i'm obsessive but also pregnant with twins myself. and i just felt compelled over the last few posts to say you've got one more avid supporter out here in internet land, for whatever good that does you, hoping that everyone in your family pulls through like rock stars and that you are facing a lifetime of chicken choking joke opportunities...

Bree said...

Just checking in on you. Wish I had something to say to make you laugh, but I'm too sleep deprived. My daughter was born at 36 weeks after 5 months of bedrest. She did some nicu time for breathing issues. But, got to come home after 9 days. Hang in there. Eat some cheese.

msonntag said...

Esophagus surgery in 6-8 weeks? Yikes!!! What bad timing ... but I hope he feels better once that's taken care of. And you hang in there and keep on gestating those babies in your awesome uterus of awesomeness.

boysgonewild said...

I had two preemies (though not at the same time). It's tough. The NICE can be a little overwhelming. BUT the nurses were the BOMB. They held my hand, passed me tissue, and took awesome care of that tiny little baby when I simply could not. And now I have two healthy, happy children who fight like cats and dogs. Hang in there. Take it a day at a time. Keep your favorite booze on hand. You can do it.
Elizabeth