Thursday, January 20, 2011

Anklerexia.

I was at the doctor right before I was admitted to the hospital due to my Uterus of Doom and Other Unforseen Tragedy, Etc. So I had to weigh myself. And I weighed...a lot. I gained a solid 50 pounds and officially outweighed my husband at 31 weeks and while I had no stretch marks*, all signs were pointing to Very Puffy Up In Here, Word to Your Mother.

My legs and ankles were the worst.  The were YOUGE, you guys.  I mean, really.  Even my slippers were tight, and socks?  Psh.  Socks left marks around my ankles that made me look like I was kidnapped and bound.  My toes had fat rolls.  I'm not even kidding.

Left ( taken in the hospital): Thankle!  Thankle!  Thankle!  Also?  Need Pedicure!  Need Pedicure!  Need pedicure!
Right: 3 Weeks postpartum...practically anklerexic.  So sexually excited by my own normal sized ankles that I can't resist taking a picture of my ankle while looking at a picture of my ankle online.  It's like postpartum porn.
I'd like to say that the rest of me looked totally normal, but I actually looked quite a bit like a blowfish.  Especially after the steroid shots.  Even my lips were swollen, Angelina Jolie-style.  Except that I looked disgusting and not at all like Angelina Jolie.  As solid proof that I have no boundaries, here's photographic evidence of said swelling:

Left: After first steroid shot.
Right: After second steroid shot.
Pride: None, apparently.
I am Picasa Inept, so I couldn't get the collage to work with three pictures, but here was my face when I was 20-ish weeks pregnant.  So you can see the comparison, and so you know that I don't always look like the white female Fat Albert/Angelina Jolie hybrid:

Sweet, innocent Jen and Mark.  Pre, preeclampsia/Hey Hey Hey Chins
At this point, I've lost 20 pounds.  All from my chins and ankles.  However, I've gained another 20 IN MY BEWBS OH MY HELL. 




Five days after baybee eviction.
Missing at least 7 chins.
Please excuse the cry face.  I was having problems controlling mah emotions.
 Oh, by the way, did you notice that baybee?  I know, you have to look close or you could miss her. That is miss Ainsley, getting some serious Kangaroo Care.

I've got lots of requests for an Ainsley update and I SWEARZ I am going to update on her (and on the NICU experience in general) soon.  I've got lots to tell you about her.  All good.  She's pretty Badass in the NICU.  Seriously...she's great and beautiful and has all kinds of attitude and opinions about what should be happening in her isolette. She's breathing on her own and gaining weight and just generally being an impressive tiny human.

*That is, until my stomach started to deflate. And now there are stretch marks on my hips and a few little fuckers on my lower stomach. And I won't even get started on my bewbs and the damage done by ALL THIS MILK OH MY GOD.

--

One Year Ago:  Dirty Thirty
Two Years Ago: And I shall call him: Dr. Handlebar Mustache
Three Years Ago:  Are We Planning to Have Kids?

69 comments:

LJB said...

That is the sweetest photo... I'm feeling the love vibes all the way across the ocean.

sprogblogger said...

Gorgeous photo - and you're not the only one indulging in some post-partum porn - I, too, STILL really get off on how sleek & sexy my non-pregnant ankles are!

Lindsey said...

That was an awesome thing to see first thing this morning. (The baby, not the BFA's*.)

*big fat ankles

The Mama said...

Little Miss Ainsley is beautiful! Glad to hear she's doing well. =)

Allison said...

The "after" ankles... very sexy. The "before"... makes me consider never having children. Holy balls that looks painful. I guess the sweet reward is that beautiful baybee. So gorgeous!

kharris said...

You look beautiful! Love the picture of you and baby...glad your thankles are on the mend!

sabrina's spot said...

Thank you for the update. I'm very excited to read all about Ainsley's progress in the NICU. Now, I wonder if I'll get into trouble at work for looking at pictures of your ankle porn? I hope not, because I gotta do it again before the day is over! **sending you lots of internet hugs and kisses**
Your stranger (friend),
Sabrina

MagaliesGarden said...

So glad to get an update on you all! And, Jen, You.Look.Fabulous even with cry face. Such a beautiful strong Mama you are. The transformation is wicked cool. Makes you wanna eat a Swenson's Galley Boy cuz well you lost dozens of pounds so why the heck not?

Keep it up, and play Eye Of The Tiger when you feel a little low. Even if it doesn't help you'll do some air boxing which is great cardio.

Heather

Stephanie said...

Such a sweet picture. I too had the youge cankles. I would look at other people's feet with such envy. And I gained 55 pounds with a singleton! But I lost it all, eventually. Can't wait to hear more about Ainsley!

Katie said...

I love reading all your posts -- the good, the sad, and the puffy.

Lauren said...

thank you for the updates. you and ainsley look beautiful!

Susan Goldberg said...

aw, lovely. and don't let noone tell you you need to "control" your emotions. all emotions are appropriate right about now.

themuellerfamilyhope said...

I think that I get Jenorexic when its too long in between your post! Wait, does that even make sense? Ah well. I'm super glad tiny baby is doing so good!

Chaim B said...

I gained more than 60lbs in the 28 weeks that I carried my twins. I had forgotten, (until I just read your post)about my milk coming in....my body knew that I carried two babies so it thought I had to feed two as well. I had milk EVERYWHERE!! Leaking, pumping, storing, everywhere. I remember speaking with Patrice about about it and she wasn't convinced that my supply was b/c of my twins, but I know that my body knew it was supposed to be feeding two. Despite what you may hear in the NICU as well, I breastfed my 28weeker for 50 weeks (at which point I learned I was 7 weeks pregnant, so I stopped nursing her and gave her the frozen breast milk for another two and a half months.)

Thinking of you!

(If I'm posting things that are too close to home or not helpful or even hurtful please let me know! That is NOT my intention.)

Courtney said...

So happy to hear that you and Ainsley are doing well. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you miss Evelyn.

sockmommy said...

It's super Ainsely! She gorgeous and so are you. No worries about puffy. We wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't said it :)
Thanks for sharing her with us.

Strawberry said...

Holy swelling, Batman! Your swelling had swelling. Pretty impressive.

Love the picture. She's darling and I'm so glad to hear she's doing well.

Bluebell said...

What a sweet wee girl, and all things considered, you look pretty good!

alison said...

It's crazy how fast the weightloss happens - of course I had those damn 10-20lbs at the very end who held on for dear life. But the initial loss rulez. Ainsley is just the cutest, I'm excited for an update on Miss Thang. :)

s. said...

I am so very glad to hear that Miss Ainsley is kicking ass and taking names in the NICU and to see that you are looking lovely. All my best for Ainsley's continued good health and yours!

lori said...

love the kangaroo shot of ainsley. especially love the documentary of the chins. you look great, girl...cry face and all.

can't wait to read about ainsley kickin' ass and takin' names in the NICU.

Christine said...

ohemgee I know exactly how excited you feel about your ankles! I had pre-e with my twins as well and my ankles looked just like yours. Straight up obese looking. I wish I could attach a picture to this so you could see them. Anyway, when the ankle swelling finally went down I felt like Giselle Bunchen. I intentionally wore capris (sweatpants, obvi)in the dead of winter just so I could admire them. Nevermind that the rest of my body was like a watermelon on stilts.
Baby Ainsley is precious. Can't wait for an update! Take care

Desiree said...

That last picture of you and Ainsley is gorgeous, completely and totally. I'm so happy to see you posting again and everything that you're feeling is 100% appropriate because it's what you need to feel in this moment.

You're doing great.

Although, I had to scroll past the thankle pictures pretty quickly. I'm almost 28 weeks and so far my ankles are intact and I don't want my body to see those images and take it as a suggestion. :-)

Julia said...

You are amazing. I'm crying over the last photo -- so beautiful. (And crying over the post -- you are hilarious). Checking in on you everyday -- a little stalkery, but with the best intentions. So glad Ainsley is a great fighter! And how is Olivia doing? And you?

Erin said...

um - your ankle transformation is nothing short of SUPERNATURAL! Wow!

Also? Thanks, as always.

EB said...

Your baby is gorgeous. And you're looking model-ready. I love that photo.

I hear you on the swelling. Every time the doctors checked in on me, I'd scream, "When do I get my face back???!!!" I think they were scared. And I had to walk out of the hospital in my socks, in the snow. Because even my slippers didn't fit my huge hobbit feet anymore.

Beth said...

Woohoo go tiny bay-bee! She's so wee and I love the Kangaroo love :) Your current ankles are hawt, show them off! LOL Looking forward to future updates. Take care!

Megs said...

So glad to see an update! Also really glad to hear that little Miss Ainsley is being such a rockstar in the NICU! :)

Sue said...

You both look great. Thanks for the update. It's so nice to know Ainsley is doing well.

Mandy Hornbuckle said...

So glad to see a sexy-ankles update and to hear that Ainsley is kicking ass. Much love and many prayers.

Another Julia said...

You and Ainsley are both beautiful. Love and good thoughts to all of you.

Courtney said...

You look terrific and you sound great! I can't believe how good you look already - WOW!

Glad to hear that Ainsley is doing so well! That news makes my day :)

clearness said...

I won some Mederma and I'm allergic to that stuff. Did you know the FIRST ingredient in that cream is onions?! It doesn't smell like onions though. Anyway, if you want a tube of that stuff, I'll mail it to you. All you have to do is e-mail me your home address.

Thank You for the update. I've been thinking about you guys a whole lot. Lots of love and prayers.

victoria said...

I'm not sure if I've de-lurked, but it was so great to see and read this update from you. And, yes, I remember my own elephant ankles (but mine were post-birth, 9 liters of IV fluids type cankles).

It is great to hear that Ainsley (lovely name, just unique) is doing what she needs to to eventually get sprung to your loving home.

http://itiswhatitisorisit.net/

katherine said...

wow, thank you for the update, Jen.
It's amazing that you are able to still come one here, with all that's going on. You're an amazingly strong person.
And that picture of you and Ainsley: It's just breathtakingly gorgeous. What a beautiful mama. And your expression is just so tender -- it's just priceless. You look like you belong in a renaissance painting.

Lisa said...

OMG - the pic of you and Ainsley is soooo adorable (cry face and all:)). So happy that Ainsley is doing so well. She sounds like quite the strong willed child. Will be a perfect match with the rest of the family! Sending lots of hugs and love your way...

Rachel said...

Beautiful photos and you're way too funny.

it's just me said...

the boobie stretchmarks... they are tha pitz. i just weaned and mah boobz are not so perky now that they are not full of milk anymore. but i'm happy yours are going full force milk mode.

thanks for posting the update, in typical jen fashion. love all the pictures... you are adorable, even fat albert style. and ainsley... oh she is a beauty.

lifefamilysanity said...

The post preeclampsia deflate is dramatic, no? I lost 65 pounds in 4 weeks, mostly all from my ankles and chins. I also had a lovely triangle of fluid hanging off my belly giving me permanent fupa toe (it was so smexy), which is where the rest of the weight loss came from. Have you had your big pee day, yet? I had a day where I peed, I shit you not, like four gallons then the next day I weighed 30 pounds less. (Isn't that the funniest thing about bloggers, even on your blog they talk about themselves!)

The back of Miss Ainsley's head looks adorable, I hope we get to see her face, soon :) Speaking of, Miss Ainsley, I love, love, love her name.

areyoukiddingme said...

You and Ainsley look so sweet! Even with the cry face.

I remember the swollen ankles - I spent several weeks admiring my ankles when they returned. I don't even have nice ankles, either, but they looked awesome after all the swelling went away. And wow! The steroid pictures! No offense, but it looks like Eddie Murphy's special effects guy from The Nutty Professor got a hold of you! Glad you've lost all those chins!

Continued improvement and fast growth wishes for Ainsley! What does Olivia think of her?

Mrs. Higrens said...

I totally get the ankle porn. I can't even begin to describe how happy I was when my own fankles (that would be fat feet and ankles) started to recede and I could manage to wear flip-flops (yes, flip-flops) without incurring indentations in the tops of my feet.

Miss Ainsley looks Mah-velous darlink! In a few months you'll be wondering where your preemie went...

Steph said...

I'm glad your body is mostly getting back to normal. The only stretch marks I got were on my boobs...they looked like sunflowers or daisies with a big ole nip in the center. LOL Hang in there, Ainsley thanks you for your boobs.

Thanks for sharing a pic of you and Ainsley. It's good to see you smile and she is precious!!

Courtney said...

Those pictures are awesome. I give you mad props for being willing to share that. Your girls will love it too when your giving them "the talk" about pregnancy - you can show them the 'dark' side of pregnancy! (I don't mean in any way to imply that normally you're not very pretty - but I'm not saying that in a creepy way, just in a clarifying way)

Christa said...

How do you do it? You are so funny in the face of what you've been through. I'm inspired by you!

PJ said...

So glad to hear that Ainsley is making progress! Do they have her on that high 22 calorie formula? That stuff makes some seriously smelly poops! :P

My whole belly is one big gigantic, enormous, tremedous stretch mark. It's my battle scar. :)

Again, so glad Ainsley is a NICU badass. Lauren was too. She was a whopper at 4.6lbs and she enjoyed having screaming conversations from her isolette with this other little 4 pounder. And ya know what, she's a little chunker now and still VERY verbal.

Thinking of you.

rebecca said...

I LOVE that last photo, Ainsley is so sweet and you look so great together! Can't wait to hear your updates. Continuing to send prayers for hope and strength your way ((hugs))

LetterstoClaire said...

You've got the Mommy glow (I think you get to have a double glow since your the Mommy of twins!)

Kahla said...

Awww, that photo is beautiful. Brings tears to my eyes.

Jamie said...

Duuuuuude!!! Those are sooooome ankles. I think they're bigger than Ainsley!

Seriously though... she's so absolutely beautiful. I have both celebrated and grieved my way through your entire blog archives, and you are truly inspirational.

Wendy said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Keep kickin' ass, Ainsley.

Carol said...

Wonderful to see and hear about how you and Ainsley, and the ankles and chins are doing. You look so beautiful in the picture holding little Ainsley. Glad she is doing her feisty little job of growing so she can escape to her home and the rest of her family!

cdoswald said...

What a beautiul bad ass bay bee so glad little Ainsley is kicking butt in the NICU I bet she gets that from her Mom!
Thanks for the update - been checking daily.
a cyber friend - C

Ms. J said...

Reading this update, getting a taste of your sense of humor, again, really gives me hope. It truly must carry you.

Still thinking about you lots, and your 3 daughters.

You made a fantastic White Albert, for what it's worth.

poppy.f.seed said...

This is too funny. I remember when my ankles deflated and I fell in love with my ankles feet! It was so nice to see them.

Pyjammy Pam said...

oh, that is the sweetest picture. love ainsley all tucked up in there. so sweet! and how cute are you with your dimples and great eyebrows?

Preshus said...

I'm lovin that picture of you with your 5 day old little sweetheart! So beautiful!

Rebecca said...

If you can keep the blanket and hat they give you in the NICU. I kept them and now I look at my 21 month old kids and at how tiny their hats were and I am totally amazed that they were ever that small (4 lbs 3 oz and 4 lbs 9 oz). It's great to hear as well that she seems to be a feeder/grower. That's what mine were as well. It's tough no matter what but not having to deal with surgeries and other health problems is a relief and one that you desperately need.

one-hit_wonder said...

You both look beautiful.

Melissa said...

I am a new follower, and I gave you an award (I don't really expect you to pass it on given that you are little busy with Ainsley in the NICU, but wanted to share your blog with my followers). I've really enjoyed reading your blog and was sorry to hear that both twins did not make it.

Stacey said...

Yay, Ainsley! What a fighter! And kudos to you for finding humor in the midst of things...BTW your swelling is kinda birth control for trying for baybee #2. I'm just saying.

La La said...

Aw, I remember well the days of kangaroo care. Loved it. Lived for it.

You look AMAZING for just having given birth, by the way.

((hugs))

Chris and Joy said...

We have been in the NICU for three weeks and are just now learning things that I wish we had known at the beginning.

Does your NICU do primary care? That is where you have the same couple of nurses instead of a new nurse every shift. I started writing down the names of our nurses and I think I'm up to twenty. I learned that we could have requested our favorite nurses by name and any time they were working they would be assigned to us if they were designated our primary nurses. That would have made such a difference with our experience. Having strangers handle my baby and see me strip from the waist up daily added to my stress. Ironic that my vag has seen every medical professional in the state and now I'm all shy about my boobs. Seriously though having someone who knew our son medically as well as our family personally would have made a difference. If you dont have a primary nurse assigned ask for one.

erin said...

I am so glad to hear that not only is Ainsley doing well, but that you seem to be doing ok as well. You still have your sense of humor, which is amazing given all that you have gone through in the last thirty days, but we on this side of the computer are rooting for you and cheering you all on.... can't wait to read more in the coming days and weeks and months.... well, you get the idea

Jennifer said...

Um, Poofy Jen made me laugh, because I was a poofy Jen too. I look at my poofy Jen pics and think, "Who is that Michelin Tire man and why is he wearing my hair?!"

Your post-baybees ankles are ubber sexy, I must agree.

You make me smile. Thx!

K9obsession said...

Oh my...Ainsley is a darling!

I cannot help but be scared by your other pics however. What's a girl to do if she has cankles BEFORE pregnancy? I think I'm doomed from the start...

Christa said...

I know you're in the middle of so much right now, but hopefully this'll make you smile, even if just a little:

I gave you a blog award, so you're welcome to come check it out but I won't be offended if you don't. Keep healing and enjoying your Ainsley.

Kelly said...

www.theempty-nest.blogspot.com

Shannon said...

I hope Ainsley gets to go home with you soon. I am anxious to see pictures of her and her big seester.

Glad to see you have your ankles back :)

ALL INFORMATION OF THE WORLD said...

Check out the Best 17 Health Benefits Of Sex and more at http://www.MySexyDarling.Tk