Friday, February 4, 2011

Pump, pump, grump.

Oh hey!  I'm not sure you knew that I was moonlighting as a dairy cow.  Did you?  Well, I was.   As in: Not Anymore The End.

I should rename this post Titty Quitter 2.0.

I tried.  Oh...did I try.  Pumpity pump pump; pumpity pump pump.  Up through the night to make the milk.  Moo.  Etc.  I have a freezer full of milk to prove it.  I have a $70/month bill for a hospital grade titty sucker to prove it.  I have all kinds of other proof, too, as follows:

Mastitis
Thrush
Cracked Nipples
Raynaud's of the Nipple (Seriously.)
Explodey Head

So basically?  I quit.  I can treat all of this and it may or may not come back.  But you know what?  Chicken Butt.  HA!  Also, fuck pumping.  I am clearly lactionally inept.  Neosure it is!

I'm off to stick my breasts into the freezer and then once they are numb I am going to find a drug dealer who can give me lots and lots of drugs because OH MY GOD MILK, I GET IT, YOU'RE THERE, STOP PLZ.  (Kthxbai.)

I can't wait to see what ridiculous thing happens next.  Maybe I'll lose an eye and have to wear a pirate patch?  Seems plausible, what, with my desire to poke my eye out and my lack of self control exhibited most recently by eating an entire container of Nutella in two days.



--

One Year Ago: She Walks!
Two Years Ago:  Next Pregnancy Will Be Jimmy Dean's Love Child
Three Years Ago: Oh Miranda, I Relate

34 comments:

The Diniwilks said...

Ohhhhhhhhh you have my deepest sympathy, I genuinely thought mastitis was worse than birth, and I didn't have an epidural. Good luck and feel better!

Christine said...

Hi, don't know if you'll consider it, but my sister had an awful time with breastfeeding and had to stop within the first 6 weeks each time, for her own health and sanity. For both kids she has found wonderful milk donors who give her their excess milk for free. She supplies the freezer bags. So both of her babies have grown up on real breastmilk even though she is unable to provide it. If you're curious how they turned out: http://berrioblog.blogspot.com/

Best of luck!

Delenn said...

Eh, Breastfeeding isn't all that! (and then again--it seems to be ALL THAT--Ouch, my friend, OUCH!)

Get those cabbage leaves!

Shannon said...

Jen- I dont know if this will help or not...but I tried to "dry out" cold turkey with Owen and it was a nightmare... I then decided I would gradually space out my pumping to help with the pain and have me produce less and less. It was a slightly longer process than I wanted, but in the end no pain. :)

Michele said...

Two suggestions - sudafed to stop the milk fountain (the good kind they keep behind the pharmacy counter now - apparently you can also make meth with it), and more Nutella (who needs meth when you have Nutella!). :)

Stephanie said...

Hey you tried - pumping is awful, even when it's easy, it's awful. I hated it. Ainsley will be fine. You did your best.

renee said...

1)pumping in the NICU freaking sucks!!! It SUCKS. So, I really hope you get through the drying up phase quickly and as painlessly as possible. (no advice here though sorry).
2)nutella is AMAZING on a warm croissant. oh.em.geee! so good. I like the ones from walmart or giant eagle. the trick is to cut it lengthwise, spread the nutella on one side, close it back up and warm it for about 20 seconds. it's like sex. no joke. of course do this and you'll end up looking like me which no one wants, so you probably shouldn't try it lol ;-)

Carolyn said...

Pumping is the worst! And I say "you kick ass" to any mother who is able to do it for any amount of time!

Carli said...

Sorry about the breast feeding issues. Unfortunately, I have no advice. Best of luck with a pain free break up with your pump.

Nutella is amazing stuff. My latest favorite is spreading it on Strawberries or Bananas. Yummy. (I had actually just had a banana with nutella before reading your post). That was my second serving today. Must. Find. Willpower.

Jen Nelson said...

Pumping blows! Nutella rocks. You are hilarious. The end.

Shannon said...

Good luck to you for the next few days, drying up sucks. OUCH. So does MasTiTis. I give you credit for pumping as long as you did though.

I hope you get lots of good drugs, if not, drink a lof of booze.

Cheers!

Jaci said...

My memories of breastfeeding are all an anxious blur. Which is probably why my DD's dried up and produced 1/2 an ounce each.

You rock for pumping through some serious boob issues, girl! And--here's to never having to clean pump parts again!

Paranoid said...

Ouch, Reynauds. I have that and it's awful.

Since you totally asked for my advice (you did, didn't you? I could have sworn...), make yourself a rice sock. Just a tube sock filled with rice that you can warm up in the microwave and use to make yourself feel better when things go all white and cold and horrible.

I hope everything clears up and dries up and gets better really soon.

Beth said...

I have no experience in nursing/pumping but from what I've been told it is no picnic. Good on you for giving it a go though. But if it ain't gonna happen, you can't make it happen. Happy breast reclaiming.

I'll give my own set a squeeze in honour of yours!

PJ said...

Ah yep, uh huh, and I hear ya!

I breast fed for 10 days. Sortof. My stupid body wouldn't produce much milk. As in, 20 minutes of pumping got me like 5ml. The Lactations Consultants plagued me. My mother in law was all like, "WHAAAAT, YOUR QUITTING AND THEY WON'T GET ANY BREASTMILK AT ALL!!!" I think that statement was the beginning of our relationship going in the shitter.

Anyway, enjoy your sleep and happy healing!

Christine said...

girl, I pumped for 6 months for my preemies and hated every minute of it. To be honest, I wish I would have quit earlier. Like, 6 months earlier.
NeoSure is so gdamn expensive and our pedi wanted them on it until they turned 9 months. Here's a good tip- buy Similac coupons from ebay. I would buy bundles of eighteen $5 off coupons on ebay ($90 worth) for like $25. It was a pain trying to win the auctions but totally worth it because I got $15 Neosure cans for $10. Those buttheads at Similac hardly ever send out coupons.

Sarah said...

You should have your pedi check with your insurance - they may cover the cost of Neosure. We had our covered for 6 months.

Bekah said...

Ugh. Pumping. I only had to pump for six weeks with Ben, and I hated every second of it. I only kept it up because I knew I was getting laid off, and I had an end date in sight. Pumping sucks balls, yo. To reiterate what another commenter mentioned- there are boob pumpers out there that have excess frozen milk that they will donate to you. I don't know how you feel about receiving unpasteurized breastmilk from a stranger, but if you're interested, the site http://www.eatsonfeets.org/ will direct you to the facebook page for your area. Whatever you choose will be good for your baby. Mostly, she needs to get fat, and you need boobs that don't make you feel like killing someone.
I recommend cold cabbage leaves. You may smell like a cabbage for a bit (although my husband swears he did not smell me), but cold cabbage leaves feel soooo good. Just crack the veins so they break towards the inside where they'll go against your chest. When they get warm and yucky, change them out. And use enough of them to cover your surface area. It was seriously the best thing that ever happened to me when I was drying up.

Bree said...

Dear Universe,
Give this girl a break. Thanks!

areyoukiddingme said...

Ugh. That sucks. (Hardee har har) Quitting sounds like the best option to me. And I'm sure Ainsley and Olivia will be much happier when their mom is not consumed with pumping.

Deanna said...

Ok as gross as it sounds, I have to second the cold cabbage leaves. Plan to smell German for a while. I kept mine in the freezer - so you go from hot burning boobs (not the good kind) to completely frozen nipples. Layer the leaves then bind the hell out of your boobs (think super tight sports bra). I made milk like a Jersey cow and it took me about six weeks to dry up - the suckers kept leaking.

Hope you find some reprieve from all of this and get some rest.

Katy said...

Goodness. I pumped while my son was in ICU for five week and then after that as he was never able to suck properly. I won't torture myself like that again. If my future children can't do it, they will drink formula. There's enough stress when your child is in ICU--the stress of pumping is not helpful

Milla said...

Jen, you are very funny and brilliant and well done for making the decision and not torturing yourself into getting down about all this, you don't need the stress. Drying out my milk-factory huge boobs, after 2 weeks still can't fit anything but tops-like-tents on, at least I don't have mastitis, thrush or any of the other crap I also went through in the last few months because I didn't have the presence of mind to get my head together and quit. From one TQ to another, I salute you (there aren't many laughs round here, thank you very much for the big giggles). x

Stone Cottage Mama said...

I am not a good pumper either. I pumped for about three months before finally throwing in the towel. As soon as I did, and just nursed only (was only able to nurse half the time), all my clogged ducts and issues went away. Apparantly my body only does well with things done naturally to it. Like nursing.

I don't miss it. I had to take it out one time and hated it.

Lan Lawrence said...

I pumped exclusively for my last baby for 7 months and I always had horrible oversupply issues. I had plugged ducts non stop and it was so painful. I tried all kinds of things to get my supply to go down but none ever worked. The ONLY way I was able to finally quit was to go on birth control. Talk to your OB, I went on Femcon FE pills for 2 weeks and completely dried up! It was a miracle!

natandrusiak said...

I had to finally pipe in and come out of lurking because I had reynaud's too... holy PAIN. My best advice for quitting is to use alot of cold ice packs to help quell the milk (wet really thick maxi pads and then freeze them, they make suprisingly good ice packs for boobs) and avoid hot water. Shower with your back to the water, I learnt that the hard way. If you're trying to stop the milk, cold is good, warm is baaaaaad. Good luck and hang in there. I absolutely commend the effort you made, I lasted about 30 minutes on the pump and was bawling my eyes out (and my spinal didn't work for my c-section so I felt that pain... the pump was WORSE, I swear). Raynaud's SUCKS.

Michele said...

I'll bet you could get a prescription for banked milk since human milk is very nice for preemies to have. In your case I would counsel against unpasteurized milk donations like you would get through Eats on Feets or milkshare.com because human milk can contain viruses that, while harmless to a full-term baby, could be dangerous for a preemie. I hope all is going well - I'm sending good thoughts your way!

CKK said...

I was a total pumping failure and had none of the obstacles you had (seriously, Raynaud's of the nip?!). When my boys were in the NICU, I pumped for two days. I woke up on day three, looked at the pump, burst into tears, and demanded that they remove the machine of torture from my sight. I had to cancel my order for all the pumping accessories at the Upper Breast Side (oh yes, it's a real store), and never looked back. Best decision I ever made.

Just me said...

Hey there, Jen. I've been following all the garbage you've been going through (and the good laced in there!) and pulling for you.

I've named you for a blog award- no pressure because I'm sure the last thing you need is "one more thing I have to do", but feel free to check out my blog. :)

Paranoid said...

Jumping back in to say natandrusiak is right -- while you're trying to dry up your milk, my rice sock idea isn't the best. Sorry. I wasn't thinking.

But if the Reynaud's lasts past then, keep it in mind. To this day, cold makes me hurt like crazy, and the rice sock is the only thing that seems to help.

Erika said...

I'm so proud of you for making it this long, pumping really does suck (ha! Literally!)

No poking your eye out, just go find a nice margarita, drink it in a hot bath, and then eat some more Nutella :)

Rebecca said...

Neosure is fine. Both my twins had it for their first year of life. Pumping definitely sucks. You should be able to get a prescription for the Neosure too.

Deep breaths.

Rebecca said...

Oh, and try cabbage for the boobies. Just get a big (cold) leaf and stuff it in your bra. It really helps!

Lauren said...

Jen - I'm one of those over suppliers if you want a stash of frozen breastmilk pumped in November/December (my LO was 4-5mo old respectively). Let me know - I live in Cincinnati. lcousi17@hotmail.com