|HAI! I'm learning to breathe and eat, and I'm wide awake at 6 a.m.|
Shouldn't you be doing something more productive than reading blogs?
Lazy whores. All of you.
3. Eat From Bottle : Shitsky!
Eating is intimidating to me for several reasons, the biggest of them being her cleft palate. She has a cleft soft palate, so there is essentially nothing between her mouth and her nasal cavity. Add to that the whole Preemie Never Had A Bottle Yet thing just sounds like disaster to me.
And apparently, it sounds like a disaster to the doctor, too. Because they were throwing out the idea of a g-tube. Not yet, mind you. It was more of a Just The Tip, Just To See What It Feels Like conversation. Except, about a g-tube and not about penises and sex in case you weren't clear on that. But, ya know...
Doctor: She can go home with an ng tube, but the g tube might be better, and she's an old lady now and we need to start thinking of ways to get her home.
Jennepper: ** shits pants yet tries to act cool** Right...right...uh huh...right
So here's what I need (because I'm needy): I need to hear about your experiences with teaching an old hag NICU baby - she's been here 11.5 weeks - to eat from a bottle. Bonus if your baby had a cleft palate...because you have to take a win where you can get one, right? (Charlie Sheen?) Or, even if it wasn't in the NICU, tell me about your experience with a cleft.
Don't blow smoke up my ass here. I need to have a realistic idea of what we are in for. I want tips and tricks and whatever. I'm not against a g-tube, but I want to make sure that we are giving her a fair shot at bottle feeds before we get there.
Here's a picture of Olivia, who is a giant huge monstrous toddler who now says YOGURT instead of YOGIE and who will be attending Harvard in the fall to pursue her studies in everything Disney, with a minor in Tantrum Throwing.
|BYE BYES! BYE BYES!|
BYE BYES GODDAMNITNOW!
One Year Ago: Help Me Settle A Dispute
Two Years Ago: I Think Someone Stole My Baby!
Three Years Ago: Dear Tylenol