Friday, June 24, 2011

The Gestation Accusation

Nothing says, "you look nice today" like someone assuming that your pregnant when you're not.

I've been accused of gestation twice in the past month.

The first time I was meeting with a client and he asked me when my baby was due. Luckily I didn't really follow what he was saying - I thought he was asking when I had my baby because I was pretty sure that he knew I was out on maternity leave.  But then when I said December he looked confused and got quiet and I realized that he was throwing out an accusation.

The second time was a couple weeks ago.  I was waddling walking to my car with my friend to go eat lunch at  Olive Garden.  Some lady who works in our building was sitting in her car and talking on her phone - I don't know her but I already hated her because she walks around the atrium of our building like it's her track and field and gives dirty looks should you dare need to access the elevator and interrupt her imaginary atrium half-marathon. 

So anyway, that apparent mutual disdain being the extent of our relationship, she felt it appropriate to hang her head out her car window, point her finger, and yell, "You're having another Bayyyyy-beeeee!!!" 

And then I ate 10 bowls of pasta and delivered a 9 pound pasta baby who doesn't like milk but only eats lard like her mother and we all lived fat and happily ever after the end kthxbai. 

No, really, I ignored the shit out of her and then ate soup and salad and had a great lunch with my BFF.  I'd love to say that I made her feel like a real asshole by spouting out some really clever bitchy comment.  I'd love that so much.  But really I just forced myself to not care and move on because there isn't any scenario that makes me feel better about how I look or about how I know other people think I look.  I have lost 9 pounds and I'll lose more but for right now this is as good as it gets and I'm not going to deny that I do, in fact, look pretty adorably pregnant for a nonpregnant person.

I was going to try to film a reenactment of the parking lot incident but it didn't work out.  Sorry about that.   I really think it could've been magical but some things just aren't meant to be and life is unfair, etc.



33 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

Oh, FFS! What is wrong with people? Can it be assumed that atrium marathon lady is skinny? You should go up to her and ask her if she has cancer or something.

Krystle said...

Seriously, I have had about 10 comments atleast, and M is 4 months old. IT SUCKS. I don't know why people think it's OK, just stfu and don't ask. I kind of just expect it now, I can pick out the people who are going to ask me. I'm sorry, I know you have more feelings (that aren't puppy dog & rainbow like) that come along with those comments. NO ONE should expect of you to have lost the weight yet. When M starting getting sick I was (and still am) emotionally eating. I was all ohhh my kid might have sepsis (nom nom little debbie box) oh you're spinal tapping a 2 month old (nom nom hospital cake) you get it lol. After 4 inpatient, multiple outpatient labs & ER visits, I had gotten pretty good at eating my emotions.

Hugs. I wish I just looked fat & not pregnant fat.

Greta said...

You crack me up, for reals.

People don't think. People say stupid stuff. And people are mean.

You rock for having such a slammin' sense of humor!

clearness said...

Can't you just go back and kick her in the taco?

The Red Humor said...

My personal policy is to not ask if a woman is pregnant unless you can see the baby crowning.

Another fun question is "are you having twins?", when, no, actually I am just pregnant with one baby. But thank you kindly for the interest.

HereWeGoAJen said...

Wow, people are idiots.

And people keep looking suspiciously at my middle. I am going to start hitting them.

Doug Wade said...

Wow, you would think any adult would know better. There's just so many ways that could go wrong.

Jill said...

Well I'm so normally fat that I had people go "oh really? you're pregnant???" when I was like 8 months pregnant. Seriously? I don't ALWAYS have a belly that sticks out past my boobs. But OMG I guess I am that fat. Shit.

Amy said...

A co-worker of mine (way back when I waited tables) was asked when her baby was due. She answered "My daughter' two, asshole". Best. Response. Ever.

craigandstacy said...

I'll say what I told my hubby... Never ask anybody if they're pregnant unless she brings it up first or there is literally a baby hanging out of her hooha. Just don't.

Milla said...

For me, I feel like it shouldn't matter but it does. I go to some lengths to avoid looking more pregnant (I'm not pregnant at all but I can accept the appearance of being say 5m). I agree with the consensus about not asking, suspect marathon woman hasn't been pregnant before. I would have enjoyed the magical reenactment but I can imagine, complete with my own happy, clever comment sort of ending.

Heather said...

People are stupid, rude and presumptious. People who are not, would never ask a woman if she was expecting unless she volunteers that information.

Pinky said...

I hate those comments. The week I came back to work (2/28/11), riding in the elevator with a lady I hardly see asks, "when are you due?" Um, I just had my baby in Dec. "Oh, well, you look good, you still look good." Lady couldn't get out the elevator fast enough and down the hall. Some people should really think before they talk.

Margge said...

That sounds about as much fun as when the toothless checker at Kroger told me, out of the blue mind you, not to worry cause the baby weight would come off eventually. Seriously, I was minding my own business putting my stuff on the little conveyor belt thing and beotch went and called me a fatty.

I hate people sometimes.

Lesley said...

Fuck. Fucking fuck. This has happened to me more times than I'd like to admit. Two children 18 months apart and no time to myself have been cruel to my waistline. I have also dicked up and assumed other pudgy pregnancies and felt like an ass, SOOOO I have forgiven those assholes so I could forgive myself. UGH all the way the fuck around.

I have never commented here before but have been reading your blog for about three years. I hope things get easier for your girl very soon. She is a love. XOXO from Virginia.

andrea said...

fuckers.

you are just adorable, period.

Dre said...

I get that all the time, and my youngest just turned two. Love it. At least you did just give birth to twins... fuck them. I won't even go back into Babies R Us (even though it is the only place I can get some of the supplies I like) because I ALWAYS am asked when I am due and if I know what I am having.

Depending on my mood, I play along, or stare them down and tell them that I am just extremely fat. I would have eaten the massive amounts of pasta. But then, that is probably why I still look six months preggo. Do you know what is funny? With my last baby, I hid the pregnancy from basically everyone until I was over 6 months. I hope your girls are all healthy soon!

sheilah said...

Heh...I love what Dave Barry said about this very topic..."You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment."

...hehe...always makes me chuckle...

Olivia Grace said...

Jen, I just found your blog through Sarah's. I have spent the last hour reading through your whole blog, crying, laughing, absorbing your family's story. I just wanted to tell you how much your story has touched me. I am an ICU nurse and deal with family's in their most vulnerable states every single day. But reading this, hearing your personal account, it just really soaked down deep into my soul. Thank you so much for sharing this, you are an amazing woman and I feel blessed to have found your blog. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet family.

Parsing Nonsense said...

You have got so much going on right now, seriously do not give even a passing thought to how much weight you do or do not need to lose. I think those people can just all go kick rocks.

Lisa said...

Hey Jen- I just foundy your blog and I must say that I've gotten the chuckle I needed. I'm also and MFI IF'er. I just had my first failed IVF. I'm currently waiting for my lap so we can move on with our FET. Your writing is fabulous and I understand every word of it!

Kristi said...

Love reading your blog. Found it through a series' of friends' blogs. I actually blogged something very similar a few months back in January. People suck- in the best possible sense.

Sara said...

And as your kids get older, you get the "Kid comments" - innocent, but they still hurt! "Mrs. J, Why are you so fat?" "Probably because I eat too much, Christopher." "I stop eating when my tummy tells me to stop." "You are wiser than me, Christopher."
Fast forward 15 years, and Christopher is attending Yale on a full ride scholarship - pre-med. He is wiser than me. Less tactful, but wiser!

Polish Mama on the Prairie said...

Wow! Some people have no tact whatsoever. Sometimes, ignoring them is the best thing you can do.

THe only situation I've had remotely like that myself was when I lost our first baby at the 4 month mark (but had been carrying for a month with it deceased and unknown even with doctor appointments) and was at what would have been 6 months and someone told me "Wow, you look really great for pregnant! I mean, you don't look pregnant at all! How far along are you? 6 months, right?" and all I could do was choke out "I lost the baby. That's why I don't look pregnant," cue tears, sobbing and my running away like some little ninny. But wow, did that hurt so bad.

Anyway, yup, unless baby is crowning or mama says "I'm pregnant" best to keep your mouth shut.

Abby said...

I've never had this happen to me but I was in the room when my mother asked my cousin-in-law to be when she was due. She wasn't. I had to quietly tell my mother so. It was the most awkward moment of my life.

God bless you for not throwing something at the atrium walker.

Rachelle said...

Inappropriate questions without inside or obvious information.
My first miscarriage began at 11 weeks and the night before one of my favorite cousin's baby shower. Even though my mom, grandma and I had made a beautiful quilt for the occasion I immediately had mixed feelings about attending. Sure enough someone asked about our plans for our family. I just quietly mentioned I was miscarrying. They quickly gave their sympathy and tactfully changed the subject. I can't imagine the complete awkwardness of a stranger in a similar situation.

The Sweetest said...

Mommy's tummy sucks. But not as bad as that beeatch in your office building. I am guessing that your baby is about 6 months old, and that is just not enough time to lose much tummy. It took me year of busting ass, and it still sticks out farther than my teeny, gravitating boobies. Hang in there. Try some yoga. Slip a woopie cushion into that lady's desk chair.

Jenn Pants said...

I definitely feel your pain. I try really hard to ignore anyone who asks me that dreaded question and pretend I didn't hear them, because I don't feel any better about myself saying that my youngest is almost 18 months and I'm just fat. I'm not really fat all over though, just a big flabby belly (after 2 babies) and big butt (born with that). So I can see why people would ask.

But I agree with everyone else, DON'T ASK! If it's a stranger you could ask something like "Do you have any kids?" and then maybe she'll clear up whether or not she's pregnant.

You know what really doesn't help? Facebook! My cousin is 25 and just had her 3rd baby and for some reason God doesn't burden her with any extra weight whatsoever. She posted a close-up cell phone pic of her body in a bikini a week after having the third! I haven't been that skinny since middle school. I hate her. Grrr.

Chrissy said...

I would have told "No! I just gotta poop really bad!"

CrysHouse said...

Yeah...my insurance guy asked me multiple times in the SAME conversation if I was pregnant: http://alifeinordinary.blogspot.com/2010/10/dear-insurance-guy.html

I truly almost punched him in the face--and would've been entirely justified.

Molly said...

Ok, that's my new response. "are you accusing me of gestation?"

I had a kid snuggle up to me, put his hand on my stomach and go "why's it big? you gonna have a baby?"

Then I cried.

tushkan122 said...

Heck, my baby (well, toddler) is 15 months old and I still look pregnant! And i only had ONE. And surely I have way less on my plate than you do! I think you look awesome! You are also way smarter than most people I know and have great sense of humour. Sending warmest thoughts you way and PLEASE disregard those ignorant people. Hugs, Sasha

Missy said...

Eh, screw em! I had Coop in November and I still look 6 months prego and I dont. give. a. shit. Must be the Ohio girl in me!