Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Resolved...ish

So it is January 3... on a scale of 1 to Claw Your Eyes Out, how sick are you of hearing everyone's resolutions?  Oh, you're about at Roll Your Eyes and Flip Off Your Computer?  I get that a lot anyway so I'll just tell you my resolutions like one of those annoying people who doesn't pick up on your hint that you do not care about whatever they are saying.

1. Blog at least twice per week.

Isn't that splendid? Since technically I am contractually obligated to blog at least once a week, this one seems like a good idea. I mean, sure, I'm pitiful enough that I must've shown up on the "Pitiful, Do Not Yell At" list (thanks, if that's true...I am pretty pitiful, you should see my facial hair because I haven't bleached it in MONTHS!!!! and I should be bleaching it new but I'm writing instead, which is the definition of dedication) but I really need to write more before my blog grows over. Like an ear piercing or a 90 year old vagina.

I have ideas for blogs all the time, but really they are fleeting thoughts that are more suited for Twitter. And I don't like Twitter because I'm old and crotchety and Don't Get It.

For example, here is one of my fleeting thoughts not long enough for a blog:

If you haven't already, you need to immediately read Tina Fey's book, Bossypants. Unless you are offended by the phrase, "Go suck a bag of dicks." In which case, you probably should immediately read something else.

But whatever.  I'm going to blog at least twice a week until I don't feel like it anymore, and then I'll just walk around all the time stressed about how I should be writing twice a week but instead of writing I'll just eat a box piece of chocolate and stare at the TV for hours.

2. Try at least two new recipes per month.

I tried to do one new recipe a week in 2009 (I think...who knows, I don't even know what I was doing 3 hours ago) and failed.  One a week is too much.  I think I can swing two per month, which would be one per grocery shopping trip. 

Hey!  Perhaps I can bore you with remedial recipes I try.  See?  I can meet my goals by cheating and then acting like I'm very accomplished.  It's all about setting the bar really low.  Last year I'm pretty sure I resolved to floss more but then I just had to get like 6 cavities filled and they were all, "Do you floss daily?" and I was all, "I aspire to be a daily flosser" and they were all, "huh."

Dentists: hard to amuse, apparently.

3. Be more serious about my Dave Ramsey budgeting.

Oh Christmas, you spendy little devil you.

I waited until the last minute to Christmas shop this year.  Usually I'm done by Black Friday and that's really when I started.  And I got some really great deals on Black Friday but ended up spending more on everything else because I couldn't shop deals.  Suck city.  So I wasn't a success at saving in December.

I'm good about the debt snowball, but the only debt we have is our house and my student loan.  So those will both take forevah to pay off.  The part I'd like to be more serious about is using cash.  I never never never use cash. 

I have also never done his budget down to zero dollars.  I just pay the bills, save the amount I want to save/pay toward my debt, and anything left over the day of the next pay goes directly to whatever I'm paying.  So there is definitely some waste there because I know that there will always be hundreds of dollars in the checking account that are spendable.  I think that if I budgeted specific amounts for treats for Olivia, dining out, entertainment, and clothes shopping, I could make our money work way harder.

And then I'll pay off my house and my student loan and I will spend all of my money at The Mall, Forever and Ever, Amen.

4. Make monthly goals.

I do this every year.  At the beginning of each month, I try to come up with 2-4 small goals for the month.  For January it is:

- Clean out Ainsley's closet and sell all of the stuff we bought/received when we thought we were having twins.

- Consign or sell on ebay anything kid/baby-related that I don't absolutely love or need and put that money toward the student loan.

- Clean out the spare room closet to prepare for the new baby HOLY SHIT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A NEW BABY IN SIX SHORT MONTHS. 

These goals can be...whatever.  One month last year I resolved to be more nice.  That's how horrible of a person I really am.  I have to resolve to be nice.  Pretty sure that anyone who knows me in real life would attest to my failure at being nice as I am perpetually bitchy.


So anyway.  Hello.  Resolutions.  Etc.  Lots of stuff going on but I have to write at least twice per week so let me just spread out the minutia of my life in a series of uninteresting posts for your reading pleasure.  You?  Are welcome.

23 comments:

M said...

I'm just happy your posting. My goal this year is no soda. And honestly I'll probably fail. Bleh. I love seeing a post from you Jen, its like a little present. Hope everyones well!

Kelly said...

Love your blog and love that you'll be posting more often! You make me laugh! Also, I'm working on Dave Ramsey too- I'd heard a lot about him and your post last year about paying off your car made me look into it for my resolution this year! Good luck with the baby- can't wait to see what you're having!

areyoukiddingme said...

I will hold you to that twice a week thing - if I must email you until you write something, I will!

JP said...

Ironically, MH and I are fighting about Dave Ramsey right now!! I mean, discussing our finances in a lively manner. You are a FP rock star to me!
I can't wait to read all these posts. I am sure to lose weight from the laughter!

Marisa said...

I love your inappropriately, yet appropriately capitalized phrases. When you bend the grammar rules, they just take it and say, "Thank you ma'am."

alison said...

I just tweeted at Andrea and told her that she needs to explain the twitter to you so that you get it, because the twitter NEEDS you. :)

I love your resolutions, they sound so very doable. And ::clink:: to Dave Ramsey, we're trying harder too. So far it's day 3 of the month and I still have cash in my envelopes. I'm in uncharted territory now, so I don't have huge expectations for the rest of the month.

Emily said...

I'm holding you to the promise of posting more often. I needz a good giggle over a bag of dicks every week, or so.

Michelle said...

i too have resolved to be nice... didn't last too long.

Amelia said...

I can't wait. I have missed you terribly.

MrsB @ crankymonkeys in london said...

You should definitely join twitter - it's awesome for rambling all day long :)

thebabywife said...

Have just recently come across your blog - and have laughed and cried at your writing.

xxx

Amy B said...

Have been reading your blog since your crocs post that I found hilarious. And since I am pretty much the laziest commenter ever, I never post how awesome I think your blog is. So happy you will be blogging twice a week...I love seeing your posts in my google reader:)

Becky said...

I don't make resolutions anymore because it just seems like a crappy way to set myself up for failure. You know, since I never follow through with any of them and all. However, glad to see that you made them. Particularly the blogging more often one :)

clearness said...

Resolutions? That dirty little jerk. I hate him.

LStewart said...

Did I miss a post somewhere that announced your pregnancy ... OR is this your official announcement? At any rate ... congratulations! I look forward to your posting twice a week and giving me a moment to relax and laugh. Love your blog and your humor.

Unknown said...

You said you were cleaning out the spare room closet to prepare for the new baby? are times so bad that that's where the new baby will reside? hehe.. just kidding.. i've been a blog stalk..reader, for awhile and never comment but its the new year so why not.. your blog is incredible and hilarious and inspiring.. all things i'm sure you are used to hearing but i'm pretty sure compliments never get old :) have a fantastic, healthy 2012!

HereWeGoAJen said...

I like the monthly goal idea. I kind of do ongoing goals, but maybe if I declared that some of them were for January, I would actually get them done in January.

PJ said...

At least you've been to the dentist lately! Haha! When I finally go, I'm sure they will tell me my teeth are about to all fall out! :)

Michele said...

"90 year old vagina" OMG I will be laughing inappropriately at that all day tomorrow and thoroughly confusing my coworkers. But they won't dare ask me what I'm chortling about because I too am a beyotch. I've long since moved past the "resolving to be nicer" phase of my life and am resolutely at the "suck it up and deal, jerkwad" phase that comes as one gets nearer to 40 than 30. It's awesome, it really is. I am going to be one evil old crone some day and really really enjoy it. Even if my vagina has closed over.

So if you are selling baby girl stuff, does that mean you know you're having a boy?? I would love a boy, there are too many hormonal tacos in this house by far. I'd like at least one kid to call out his old man when he hits 16 rather than get into a bitch-slap fight with me. Alas, we are done so it is not to be. Woe, I say. Woe.

Wiley said...

REsolution number one makes me happy!

I listened to Bossypants as an audio book on a drive a couple months ago and loved it so much that I bought it as an ebook as well.

I think your mind and mine might mesh. We have the synchonized magic uteruses (or is it uteri) to cement the meshing...

rebecca said...

LOL love your blog! I've recently found lots of great new recipes on Pinterest, which is another time suck, but also lots of fun!

sassyshell said...

You could blog once a month, I wouldn't mind, simply because I love reading what you have to say! :) Hang in there, good luck with everything!

Jennifer Harrell said...

I don't usually comment, if ever on your blog but I had to this time-I got Bossypants for christmas coz I lubs Tina Feye and she totally looks like me.