Monday, January 9, 2012

She gets to stompin in her Air Force Ones

At times I enjoy wildly inappropriate music. I've been listening to two wildly inappropriate stations on Pandora: Mystikal and Nelly.

I like those stations because they play 10 year old hip hop songs that remind me of my bar hopping/being ass wrangled college days.

(I mean, you simply have not lived until you have been dry humped from behind in a bar so crowded you were unable to move.)

The lyrics are so stupid and don't apply to my life but I don't care. I love it anyway. Courtesy of Mystikal:

"shake your ass, but watch yourself!"

I am tempted on occasion to create my own rap-adaptation of a song and post it on my blog but I do not because I'm lazy and I also forget my brilliant lyrics as soon as I get out of the car.

My most recent potential rap-adaptation was to Nelly's Country Grammar, and was about driving in my company car which is rear wheel drive.

(Rear wheel drive is just a nicer way to say Winter Death Machine.)

"Oh I'm sliding down down baby, your street in a Dodge Charger."

I should be paid several million dollars for these rhymes. I could be the new Weird Al. Annoying Jen, perhaps? Record labels: CALL ME. Or anywone who wants to pay me money to be annoying: CALL ME.

Olivia likes to listen to music (mookzick) and jump on our bed while looking in the mirror. It is as funny as it sounds. She is very serious about Breaking It Down. Sometimes we are allowed to join her in dance, and sometimes she tells us to go to sleep.

We were listening to the Nelly station because most of the songs have the clean lyrics but also allow her to properly shake her ass but watch herself (maybe Mystikal had a 3 year old?).

The song Air Force Ones came on...a song about the sheer awesomeness of basketball shoes...and Olivia was killing it. Until I interrupted her groove:

Jennepper: Do you get to stompin in your air force ones?

Olivia: (stops, turns, looks at me dead serious) YES.

Not yeah or uh huh, but YES. Like, YES MORON I DO IN FACT GET TO STOMPING IN MY AIR FORCE ONES, B-BALL SHOES 4-EVER.

There are probably several people simultaneously clinching their butt cheeks at the thought of me raising three kids to act just like me. But it's not just me, Mark is weird too. Last night:

"I have that T-Pain song with that stupid British lady saying it is 5 o'clock in the morning stuck in my head!"

And he has been known to sing Gloria Estefan songs. Namely, The Rhythm is Gonna Get You. Complete with imitation of the music.

So I guess what I'm saying is that we are equally to blame.

20 comments:

alison said...

I L-O-V-E Nelly. Country Grammer and E.I. (what is THAT song even about?!) are the soundtrack to my college memories. Also... The Thong Song, anything by 50 Cent, and Big Pimpin'. The main street running through Lincoln (ok, it's like 6 miles long...) is "O" Street, and we thought we were so super clever to sing "...down down baby, O Street in a Range Rover...".

We'll still be jamming to early 2000s hiphop when we're in our 70s, yes?

Jennifer said...

Dude, I'm so glad someone else raises their kids on rap music.

eggsinarow said...

Ok, obviously we have the same taste in music. I heart Nelly. I love rap so much, and I'm really hoping that when I get to have kids my babies are not embarrassed by the fact that I say things like, "Do me, baby!" and "Never trust a big butt and a smile". ;)

Kendall said...

I just peed a little from laughing.

Wiley said...

I think a video post is most DEFINITELY in order.

Cindy said...

It's definitely time to treat yourself to something from this Etsy shop (I'm in no way affiliated. Just have it bookmarked in my favorites):

http://www.etsy.com/shop/nodiggitynodoubt

clearness said...

Nelly is from nearby here somewhere. Other than hearing something from him on the radio I have no idea who he is....but that some of his songs mention streets and neighborhoods around here.....ghetto yo.

Ashley said...

Omg! My hub sings "it's 5 o'clock in the morning" allllllllll the time. It causes me to have suicidal thoughts.

CSB said...

Cracking up! But what does O think about Nelly's grills?

Jill said...

Do you have an Xbox? If so, you have to get the Kinect and Dance Central. It's HILARIOUS to watch little kids dancing to somewhat inappropriate music. my kids do it very seriously and try really hard to do the steps even when it looks like they're supposed to be slapping a girl's booty and all. So funny. And good exercise too if you want to be able to justify the purchase for youself. :)

Greta said...

I don't know her, obviously, but your child cracks me up.

Yes. (dead stare)

Steffy said...

My sides hurt from laughing! Your little girl and my son woul have a blast together. One day he was doing a puzzle singing, "break break oh break break your heart!" he stopped, looked at me and said in a pretty good Ludacris voice, "now listen". I fell over I laughed so hard. I'm glad that you will have three kids to pass on the awesome to.

areyoukiddingme said...

Yeah, I introduced my girl to Katy Perry. My husband took care of introducing her to Akon and Eminem. She picked up Ke$ha at daycare...

You are not alone.

Erin said...

Love nelly.
Hate that the rhythm is gonna get you is stuck in my head.
:)

Amy said...

You don't even feel a little but sorry that people all over the Internet now have "The Rhythm is Gonna Get Ya" stuck in their heads, do you? (shakes fist)

Kat @ The Midwest Momma said...

This is hysterical. As just last night my husband was asking me if I indeed thought of myself as Lil Kim. I was expressing my undying love for all 10 year old rap music and my dream to have a black Range Rover. White girl in the country. That's me. So yeah, totally appropriate. I too am screwing up my children in that my 5 year olds favorite song is Soulja Boy, that annoying Crank That song because it has the words "Superman" in it (PS it is the "clean" version, don't totally freak)...nevermind what Superman actually means to ol' Soulja Boy. And #2? Our daughters favorite tune is LMFAO "I'm Sexy and I Know It." Girlfriends busts a move at the mere mention of the song. My kids will appreciate all these mad skillz one day.

Meim said...

OMG!!! I laughed until I cried! Why? Because I sing Gloria's music all.the.damn.time! My husband thinks I'm from another planet!

lifefamilysanity said...

Love it! (Duh, of course she's stompin' in her Ones!) Olivia sounds like a riot :)

When Colin was little we wore Monkey Business out! (This was 8 years ago, so either Pandora didn't exist, or I just cool enough to know about it, so we had CD's). He would run around screaming "My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps!" Miss those days...

Unknown said...

My 2 year old sings "I Love You Like a Love Song Baby" and I always thought "I Love You Like a Rap Song Baby" would be much funnier. And more true for the fun late 1990s me.

Jess said...

I am now more convinced than ever that we could be real life BFFs. Call me. I swear I'm not as creepy as I sound.