Tomorrow is the day that I will obtain the first photo of my fourth child's genitals. Hopefully it will be the only photo of said genitals to ever exist. One can only hope that I am not Gestating the next Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Grady Sizemore/R Kelly.
Tomorrow I will know if, in my ute, there is a teeny tiny peenie or a teeny tiny vageenie. It is all very exciting except when it is all very Paranoid-y.
It appears that I have lost the ability to walk into an ultrasound appointment and be relaxed. (heh...relax.) scratch that - I can't walk into any OB appointment being relaxed. I literally hold my breath until I hear the heartbeat on the Doppler.
A few appointments ago, the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat. Mine? Yes. Baby? Nada. I had to lay there and close my eyes and try to think of anything except, "not again...please, not again."
Turned out that we needed to pull my pants lower. I saw the stress on the nurse's face - red face, tight smile - as she lubed up my lower stomach in hopes of finding the heartbeat. I wonder if she was thinking, "please...not again."
But there it was, in the 160s. Chugging along just fine. Luckily she took my blood pressure before she did the Doppler. We both laughed afterward, and then the doctor indulged My Crazy by letting me decide when I wanted to come back. Screw the typical schedule! I have a standing Doppler appointment any day that I want to hear the heartbeat. Except weekends, because he has a life too.
(He is nice and funny and I love him even though he is a hugger.)
My biggest worry on the day of Olivia's 20 week ultrasound? That mark would feel too sick to shop for pink or blue shit. Girl or boy? How fun!! Let's stimulate the economy!!!
Since then, I've met people who have learned at their 20 week ultrasound that their baby will not live. That their baby is very sick. I found out that one of my babies wasn't growing properly, and that they could both be in danger.
So I'm excited for tomorrow to know if I'm gestating a teeny tiny peenie or a teeny tiny vageenie. But I'm so anxious about what else we will find that I wish I could channel some of my first pregnancy innocence and skip through the doors of the OB with a pocket full of cash to spend and my only worry being where to eat lunch afterward.
And then...I have a hard time feeling like everything will be ok at all. Like, Evelyn looked awesome in utero until she suffered a hemorrhage and massive cardiac arrest. Her condition is super duper rare but it is still the kind of experience that can ruin subsequent pregnancy excitement. You just never know, I guess.
But anyway...this is a new Knepper and I'm trying and mostly doing a good job of keeping The Crazy under control. Except when I brain dump The Crazy all over the blog.
I bet you're willing to humor me now, though, right?
Care to venture a guess? TTP or TTV?
I can give you some additional information to help:
Feeling - sick as a dog until 17 weeks (am 19 now).
Weight - gained 4 so far. But started out 25 heavier than normal. Gained 22 with Olivia, and 45 (I think?) with Ainsley and Evelyn.
Craving - Savory! (Sweets with Olivia, Savory with twin girls)
Gut Feeling - girl, but only because it is always a girl. No strong feeling either way.
Girth: as follows: