Tuesday, January 10, 2012

TTP or TTV?

Tomorrow is the day that I will obtain the first photo of my fourth child's genitals. Hopefully it will be the only photo of said genitals to ever exist. One can only hope that I am not Gestating the next Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Grady Sizemore/R Kelly.

Tomorrow I will know if, in my ute, there is a teeny tiny peenie or a teeny tiny vageenie. It is all very exciting except when it is all very Paranoid-y.

It appears that I have lost the ability to walk into an ultrasound appointment and be relaxed. (heh...relax.) scratch that - I can't walk into any OB appointment being relaxed. I literally hold my breath until I hear the heartbeat on the Doppler.

A few appointments ago, the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat. Mine? Yes. Baby? Nada. I had to lay there and close my eyes and try to think of anything except, "not again...please, not again."

Turned out that we needed to pull my pants lower. I saw the stress on the nurse's face - red face, tight smile - as she lubed up my lower stomach in hopes of finding the heartbeat. I wonder if she was thinking, "please...not again."

But there it was, in the 160s. Chugging along just fine. Luckily she took my blood pressure before she did the Doppler. We both laughed afterward, and then the doctor indulged My Crazy by letting me decide when I wanted to come back. Screw the typical schedule! I have a standing Doppler appointment any day that I want to hear the heartbeat. Except weekends, because he has a life too.

(He is nice and funny and I love him even though he is a hugger.)

My biggest worry on the day of Olivia's 20 week ultrasound? That mark would feel too sick to shop for pink or blue shit. Girl or boy? How fun!! Let's stimulate the economy!!!

Since then, I've met people who have learned at their 20 week ultrasound that their baby will not live. That their baby is very sick. I found out that one of my babies wasn't growing properly, and that they could both be in danger.

Buzz kill.

So I'm excited for tomorrow to know if I'm gestating a teeny tiny peenie or a teeny tiny vageenie. But I'm so anxious about what else we will find that I wish I could channel some of my first pregnancy innocence and skip through the doors of the OB with a pocket full of cash to spend and my only worry being where to eat lunch afterward.

And then...I have a hard time feeling like everything will be ok at all. Like, Evelyn looked awesome in utero until she suffered a hemorrhage and massive cardiac arrest. Her condition is super duper rare but it is still the kind of experience that can ruin subsequent pregnancy excitement. You just never know, I guess.

But anyway...this is a new Knepper and I'm trying and mostly doing a good job of keeping The Crazy under control. Except when I brain dump The Crazy all over the blog.

I bet you're willing to humor me now, though, right?

Care to venture a guess? TTP or TTV?

I can give you some additional information to help:

Feeling - sick as a dog until 17 weeks (am 19 now).

Weight - gained 4 so far. But started out 25 heavier than normal. Gained 22 with Olivia, and 45 (I think?) with Ainsley and Evelyn.

Craving - Savory! (Sweets with Olivia, Savory with twin girls)

Gut Feeling - girl, but only because it is always a girl. No strong feeling either way.

Girth: as follows:

48 comments:

Tiff said...

I'm guessing TTP. Because I feel like it and I like to be a rebel.

Laura said...

boy!!!!!!! but healthy is all i'm going for!!!!!!!

Greta said...

Girth as follows...lol!

I'm going with TTP too!

eggsinarow said...

I'm going with TTP. You look fabulous!

Kara said...

I'm gonna play tha oddz and say vageenie, but a peenie would be awesome!

Liz said...

Good luck tomorrow... and you have the cutest belly, ever!!!!

Charbelle said...

I love your writing, just had to throw that out there.

I'm thinking boy, don't know why. I'm also agreeing on the healthy part!!!

Congratulations and looking forward to the update!

Heather said...

I am guessing TTP :)

Sara Parr said...

perfect post. get out of my head, will ya?! Best wishes tomorrow, and on DD day, and then forever after that.

Amy said...

I only want healthy for you. Peenie or Vegeenie. But a peenie would be fun wouldn't it?

Wiley said...

I'm not good at the guessing, but I can say that I totally get the response to the obstetrician.

I literally respond with a physiological response of hypertension in my obstetrician's office right now. Check it elsewhere? Like 110/65. Check it there? 155/95.

Since our surprise Mirena pregnancy is another set of twins and given the stillbirth of one of our previous set of twins, I'll be back in the perinatologist's office as well. I'm curious as to whether I'll react there.

It was the OB's office where they found the demise with a routine heartcheck ultrasound, so I think that plays into it, but just knowing that things can go wrong.

I'm lucky to have a phenomenal OB who gets the mental issues as well as the physical issues.

Good calm thoughts for you as you wait for the wand to go on the belly.

Delenn said...

Oh heck, lets go against the grain--TTP. Cuz you could use a boy in the mix. :-)

Haley said...

I'm feeling TTP! good luck! Hope it all goes well. I know the sinking feeling of a bad ultrasound. :( It is devastating.

katezales said...

Healthy, awesome...

and totally outnumbered. Cuz I'm saying BOY.

clearness said...

You might be carrying a hermaphrodite.

Angie said...

Pregnancies after you have lost a baby are so so hard. I have been there. I think I held my breath until the baby was here, having him out safely and okay was the biggest feeling of relief I've ever had in my life. I will be crossing my fingers everything looks perfect. (P.S. I bought my own doppler, they are cheap on ebay. I used my OB's offer to come in anytime as the backup plan if I couldn't find it myself.)

I hope your doctors are watching you closely for pre-eclampsia, too. If you have any questions or anything, the pre-eclampsia foundation has great discussion forums (www.preeclampsia.org)

Natalie said...

I'm gonna say TTP. But I think I'm probably going to be wrong.

Katie said...

Girl, but I always says girl cause theire my fav.
Good luck I hope it goes great!!!

kharris said...

I was a complete horndog when pregnant with my daughter and completely UNinterested in sex when pregnant with my son. I told my husband it was because I already had a penis in me so I wasn't interested in his. I just re-read this post and I believe I have totally overshared with the internet. I apologize if I've grossed anyone out. But, you asked....>:)

Mandy Hornbuckle said...

You're so cute! I think it's a boy!

Jessica said...

My guess is girl.

Huge hugs to you. I hope that you sleep well tonight and everything goes smoothly tomorrow and you see a healthy, wiggly little baby on the screen.

HereWeGoAJen said...

I so get it. At any OB appointment I go to, I make them take my blood pressure after they find a heartbeat. Otherwise, it is just a waste.

Someone I know just went to her big ultrasound and had this shirt thing. She had two shirts packed and went back to work in a pink shirt because she found out it was a girl. I was telling Matt how jealous I am of people who can do that sort of thing. With us, I am just like "is it alive? How about now? Still alive? How about now?"

I guess girl. Because that is your track record. :) Good luck!

Lulu said...

I don't have a guess. I just wanted to say you look great and I hope all goes well. Also, have I mentioned we have the SAME EXACT DUE DATE? Because we totally do, although this time your baby wasn't made in a petri dish like mine was ; )

theelusivesecondline said...

I really want a teeny peenie but it is still exciting either way!

Boy, boy, boy, boy, boy....

Amelia said...

I think you've done AMAZINGLY well at not brain dumping The Crazy all over your blog. You should see the insanity spewed all across the walls of mine. Don't beat yourself up about being worried.

Heather said...

Good luck!!! I'm thinking boy this time.

Courtney said...

I want to say TTP but with you, I just have to believe it's another TTV! Either way, so exciting!

I had total anxiety about the heartbeat at every OB appointment - and that's without a baby loss. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I have to believe it's all going to be ok. This is a totally different type of pregnancy for you... I think it's meant to be an easy pregnancy. God knows you deserve one!

Kahla said...

I have no clue what it is, but I think you look cute. Cute enough to give a belly rub to cause I KNOW you like those... right? ;o) If I have to guess, I'm going to say TTP, just because my cousin found out her Ninja Baby is a TTV and we have to balance out the world and all.

Also, sending lots of prayers for a totally boring, routine, ultrasound.

Also again, post quickly, I'm impatient.

areyoukiddingme said...

I gotta go with the majority - TTP for me too. Wait, that didn't come out right. ;)

Sounds like my first visit with my new OB. I'd had 2 miscarriages, and the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat. The look on his face was most concerned. He finally found it somewhere near my right kidney - this kid hated the doppler and would hide from it all the time - and said "Phew. That's a relief." I said "No kidding. And you're not even invested in this baby." He said, "You'd be surprised." I love my doctor.

Caz said...

BOY BOY BOY!
Your poor hubby is so out numbered.

Leah said...

TTP! I will say a prayer for you and your family.

Emily said...

I'm just hoping to hear HEALTHY...but my guess is a TTP. Good luck tomorrow!

Allison said...

Going with TTP based on the heartbeat. That and the fact that I am restating a boy and want some company.

Barbara Jean said...

I'm thinking TTP too. Fingers and toes crossed for good news tomorrow and ever after.

Amy said...

Peenie, just for a change-up :)

Shan said...

I'm going with TTP... mainly because you deserve a break and boy dipes are pretty easy to clean. Up, down, around, done!

You look fabulous. Here's to feeling fabulous while shopping tomorrow.

Everything but the kitchen sink said...

You look absolutely amazing!!

Ashley said...

I say girl. I am 23 weeks, and it seems like your sypmtoms are quite similar to mine. Probably not a valid reason but still.

Michele said...

I have no ever-loving idea, but that is one SUPER cute bump. :) Please post again tomorrow so you don't keep us in suspense!

Milla said...

You look wonderful, I hope today goes well and am sure we will all be thinking of you.

Definitely girl.

Courtney said...

Thinking of you today! And certainly agreeing with the posters who have mentioned how adorable you look in that picture!

As several have noticed, after getting bad news during an ultrasound and going through loss, OB visits are so anxious. The layers of panic and dread peeled off a bit as I progressed through my pregnancy and there were even "normal"ish bursts of anticipation. I am glad you have such an empathetic (albeit huggy) OB!

All the best for lots of good news! I am definitely excited to hear if a baby brother or a baby sister is on the way! It is definitely a win/win!

Courtney said...

As others have noted, not noticed. My iPad really, really likes to jump in with edits. I caught the huffy vs huggy OB but missed the "noticed" which hits the wrong tone. Like anyone fails to "notice"fighting tears or panic attacks and flashbacks to excruciating times.

Ashley said...

I'm going to say boy! Either way, he or she will be a very precious addition to your beautiful family.

MNRN said...

Girl!!!! Can't wait to hear what this wonderful baby is!

Roselyn said...

I'm thinking girl, but hoping boy. Maybe boys (at least baby ones) come with less drama!

Although my experience was not even one zillon-th as tramatic as yours, I feel the same way about OB appointments. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks but it was totally unexpected and sudden. We never had that visit to the doctor where they saw anything wrong. The heartbeat was nice and strong on Wednesday and then the following Monday we lost the baby.

Still, every time I see the doctor I hold my breath until I see that little flicker and hear the heartbeat.

All my thoughts are with you today! Can't wait to hear the great news about your impending TTV or TTP!

Laura said...

I say another Girl! Can't wait to hear! TTV

Losh said...

You have a lovely bump - super cute! I am too late to hazard a guess, so congratulations on another girl!

Liz said...

You look great!! (I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it!)