Sunday, May 13, 2012

Peace for Ainsley

I can't believe that I am posting this...

Ainsley passed away early Saturday morning.   After almost seventeen months, her poor little body was just so tired from fighting  for so long.  We held her and kissed her and told her how much we loved her over and over until she left us.

The last time she was awake was Monday, May 7.  This is a picture of her from that day.  Happy as always despite her struggles.  This is how I will always remember her - my happy, silly, smiley little Ainsley.  My little meatloaf.


The sweetest, happiest baby.  Ever.
 
I am grateful for every minute I had with Ainsley and I would have sacrificed anything if it meant that I could have more time with her.  I guess I never really understood the saying, "Rest In Peace" until now.  No more sickness, no more struggle to breathe - just peaceful rest for our sweet girl, who deserved everything good and happy in this world.
 
She changed our lives in all of the best ways.
 

501 comments:

1 – 200 of 501   Newer›   Newest»
HereWeGoAJen said...

I'm so sorry. I will miss her. Much love to all of you.

ELC said...

Oh my heart aches for you. I wish you deep peace in the days ahead. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous girl with us.

Karremh said...

I lift your entire family up to God tonight, may he be able to give you peace in this time of sadness. Hold those dear to you close today.

Robynn said...

My heart breaks for you and your family. I dont know what else to say, but I wish for peace for your damaged and raw soul. I know that life will never be the same again. I am so sorry.

Alyssa said...

Praying for you and your family.

Joanna {Baby Gators Den} said...

I am SO sorry for your loss. What a sweet little girl she was, sending all my love to your family.

pintucks said...

Oh no...oh no. I'm so sorry. I'm so very, very VERY sorry. This is...it's not okay. It's just not. Peace sweet Ainsley....and peace to the rest of you too.

The NKF said...

Because your loss is unimaginable, I can't say anything except that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Gurlee said...

Oh no. Words cannot express how sorry I am. I am at a loss. May sweet, sweet Ainsley be at peace.
Much love to you and your family.

Maggie said...

Oh, sweet Ainsley - rest in peace. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I am so so very sorry. You are an amazing mother - she was lucky to have you as you her.

Kristin {Sea Cow Circus} said...

I have no words - I am so, so sorry. I am grateful that Ainsley was able to touch so many lives, fill so many hearts, and that she is no longer suffering. What an angel - thoughts and prayers are with you all.

amazingk8 said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. Her sweet silliness always came across in the pictures and stories you posted. She was literally a treasure, precious and rare. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Summer, Justin, Blake, and Sutton said...

This breaks my heart! I've been a lurker for 2 or 3 years now, but just wanted to say that I am SO very sorry for your loss and I will be praying hard for you guys. Thankful that Ainsley is completely healed and in perfect peace.

Aimee Lopez said...

I honestly didn't see this coming at all. Ainsley was such a fighter, such a little trooper. I am so sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful child and a gorgeous soul.

Mel R. said...

Prayers of comfort and peace for you all. Ainsley was a fighter and a blessing. Much love to you all.

Liz said...

Oh Jen, I just don't have the words. I am so very sorry to hear this. Prayers for you all.

Emily said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart aches you you and your family. Love and peace to you.

Mrs. K said...

Oh my God, I am so saddened to hear this. I have been reading your blog for years and years (way before Olivia) and I hardly ever comment. I have always loved your wit and sense of humor as well as the great photos and hilarious stories of your family. I'm glad you never stopped posting, even when its been difficult. You and your family have been through so much, it just downright sucks.

Very much love to your family right now and always and your two little angels. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Allison said...

Sending prayers and love to your family.

ferfischer said...

Peace to her and peace to you. Thinking of you all.

Miss Tori said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May God bless you during your time of grief and loss.

Solitary Diner said...

Thinking of you and all of your family right now. So incredibly sorry for all of the loss you've experienced.

Molly said...

I am so so sorry. I really wish I could make it all better. Big big big giant mega hugs to you guys and Olivia.

This sucks. It's so damn unfair. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

Stace said...

I am so incredibly sorry to read this. Your determination and strength have been such an inspiration. Thinking of your family.

Michelle said...

I am so sorry. There really are no words... She was an amazing baby girl, and so blessed to have such a wonderful family to love and nurture her.

EllenCas1974 said...

I am so sorry. There is nothing to say... what you've had to go through is just shitty.

E said...

Oh, I'm so shocked and saddened to hear this. I know there is nothing that can be said at a time like this, but I'm sending you and your family all the love I have. You have been through too much. I'm sorry.

Carrie said...

I have no words, just tears for you and your sweet little girl.

(((hugs)))

Allison said...

My prayers are with your family.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I am so incredibly sorry, Jen. Sending love.

lucyinthesky said...

My heart breaks for you and your family. I'm praying for strength and comfort for you in the coming days. She was as blessed to have you guys as you were to have her.

Erin said...

My heart aches terribly for you all, Jen. Ainsley is an inspiration from top to bottom. I am a better person because you shared her with us. Peace and blessings to Ainsley and your family. I am so very sorry.

Emily said...

I'm so incredibly sorry to hear of your loss. I know that Ainsley was so happy to be with all of you, but I imagine that she is equally happy to be back with her Evelyn. Imagine all of the stories that Ainsley will have to tell her! There is no doubt in my mind that each of your other girls will have their own private guardian angels celebrating each milestone right beside them. My prayers are with you all.

Stephanie said...

Prayers to your family. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Ainsley always looked so happy in her pictures.

Amy, queen of the world. said...

I am so very sorry. I just don't know what else to say.

Mandy421 said...

Praying for you and your family.

kt's golden birthday! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anne said...

Words can't express how sad I am for you. I'm so, so sorry you lost sweet Ainsley.

Korndog said...

I am so so sorry to read this post. My prayers are with you and your family.

Lori said...

I'm grieving for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. I'm so moved by your words. She is at peace and that is the best reason to be comforted. Thank you for sharing your story. Your strength and humor are truly inspiring to me.

alison said...

I didn't know someone so little, so far away, could have such an impact on my life. I tried to go about my day yesterday as normally as I could, but goodness, I see smile everywhere. Her chunky cheekers remind me so much of Jude's. I just am so sad for all that could have - should have - been, and yet feeling peace that she's at peace. I cried a few tears last night, finally, and today I smiled a lot just thinking of her. Hugs, momma, you are amazing.

florest family said...

My heart just breaks for you. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I wish I had more words. Your entire family is in my prayers.

Tiffany said...

I'm so, so sorry for your incredible loss. Thank you letting the rest of us into her world and allowing us to see her beautiful smiles! Thinking of you all!

strongwoman said...

I am so shocked to read this news. I am just heartbroken for you! Wishing you strength and healing.

Lela said...

Praying for you and your family, I wish I could do more than that though.

Jessica said...

So, so, so sorry...your family is in my prayers!

Amanda said...

I'm sorry Jen. Prayers for your family. Rest in peace little one.

Season said...

There are no words. My heart breaks for you and your family.

Lulu said...

I am sending you all of my love and strength, Jen. I know you have another little one on the way soon. I hope you have a lot of family and friends to lean on in the coming weeks.

Delenn said...

When I heard about your loss I couldn't help but think how much I loved your nickname of "meatloaf" and just reading that nickname a few days ago. Those pictures you have taken of her show her gentle, sweet, smiley spirit and I am so grateful to you for sharing her with us.

I am so sorry for your and your family's loss.

Superstar said...

Miss Meatloaf's smile and happy, happy eyes are forever etched in my memoory. I wish you and your family peace.

lparsons15 said...

Poor sweet Ainsley, I honestly have no words for how incredibly sorry I am for your horrific loss. Your family has endured more heart ache than any family should ever EVER have to deal with. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

M said...

Oh my god. I have no words for this. Breath left my body for a second when I heard the news.

Amanda C said...

I have followed your blog through 1 successful and 1 unsuccessful IVF cycles. I have never commented but wanted to on this post. You have a beautiful family and I wish you peace during this difficult time.

Elizabeth said...

I am so very, very sorry. What a treasure Heaven has! My prayers are with you and your sweet family.

JP said...

Ainsley will be missed by so many. I am so sorry for your family's loss of her. I'm praying for your family.

Jbizek said...

What an unimaginable loss. I took so much joy reading about your little meatloaf. She touched many, many lives. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.

Max's Mommy said...

I am SO sorry. This was just about the last thing I expected to see on here. I am praying for your family!

Kate said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and your family.

Allison said...

My heart breaks for you and your family. You will be in my thoughts and prayers

Candice said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God! I am so sorry! I don't even know what to say. Rest in peace sweet-heart. My prayers go out to all of you. I know that is not enough....

Carrie said...

Oh, Jen! I'm so sad and sorry to read this news. Thinking of you during this difficult time.

Deanna said...

So so sorry

Parker and Lauren's Mom said...

My heart aches for your family. I can't even put into words my thoughts and feelings. Rest in peace, sweet Ainsley. I always loved when you posted pictures of her. She radiated joy and that was so wonderfully amazing to me. She knew a lot of hurt and a lot of struggle -- yet she smiled with the brightness of a thousand suns. Ainsley, you changed this world for the better in your short life.

Becky said...

As soon as I saw the title of this post I just started saying, "no, no, no, don't let it be what I think it is going to be". I have been following your blog for some time and was hoping and praying for the day Ainsley was going to finally be able to go home with you guys.
I didn't think I could get any sadder or cry any harder than I have been after my own recent loss of my daughter. My already broken heart is breaking even more now.
Your little meatloaf is with her sister now. I will be thinking about you and your family in these days ahead.

Keri Cadieux-Hespeler said...

Many prayers and condolences. God bless our family and may Ainsley rest in peace.

Mommy Decker said...

I have been reading your blog for quite a few months but never commented. When I read this post I burst into tears.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I loved seeing posts that contained pictures of Ainsley's smile.

And I smile knowing that she is with her sister finally getting some girl time in with her womb-mate.

With deepest sympathy,

Jennifer Decker
Emerson, NJ

Momma Kelli said...

I about fell out of my chair when I read this. I am so so sorry. I can't imagine the grief you & your family are feeling right now. I'm almost at a loss for words--all I can say is that I hope your sweet baby girl is at peace and know that there are so many prayers being said for all right now. Hugs, hugs, hugs.

Wiz said...

I feel like the wind was just knocked out of me. I am so sorry for your lost. Rest in peace sweet precious angel.

Jen J said...

Longtime reader who rarely comments here.... My heart is breaking for all of you! I'm so sorry to hear that Ainsley lost her battle. She's reunited with Evelyn now & can truly rest in peace. She touched so many lives & I will fondly remember opening your blog & seeing her chubby cheeks! There are no words I can say that will comfort you so just know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.

april said...

I am a long time reader, but not much of a commenter. I am so very sorry and wish I had the right words in this moment. Your sweet Ainsley was a fighter and I know her spirit and her life made an impact in this world. I loved reading about her and seeing her adorable pictures, and prayed often for your family. You and your family are an example of what strength, positivity and true love really are in this life. May you find peace in the days that follow. God bless.

Sara B said...

This literally makes my stomach hurt. I can't believe it. I pray for peace for all of you. I'm so so sorry for your loss.

Andrea said...

I am so very, very sorry for the loss of sweet Ainsley. I've been following your blog for years...I just can't believe she is gone. I wish I had the words...your family will be in my thoughts.

Angie said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Oops-Lah said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It seems so unfair! I'm glad that you can take comfort in knowing that she is at peace now. Thinking of you and sending all good wishes your way.

ccrmjourney said...

I am so so so sorry to hear this. My heart hurts right now. Ainsley's bravery and positive spirit was inspirational to so many of us. I just can't wrap my head around this news. I am a longtime reader and just wish I could hug your family right now! Peace to Ainsley.

Mrs. 5C said...

I am so so sorry. I will be praying for your family.

Christa said...

I am so sorry. She was such a ray of sunshine.

Suz said...

I'm so sorry. I'll keep yall in my thoughts & prayers.

Erica said...

Lost for words. I have been following along for a while nownow and is completely speechless. I will be thinking and praying for you and your family. Ainsley gave us all hope and strength. She fought with her whole being. I hope for some peace and comfort during this difficult time.

Erica

rebecca said...

I'm so sorry. Thoughts & prayers being sent for all of you as you find yourselves grieving for Ainsley and attempting to navigate this unimaginable loss. I hope you feel carried by the love of so many surrounding you guys as you grieve ((hugs))

kate said...

Oh Jen, a little piece of my heart just broke for you all. Sweet, sweet baby from a sweet, sweet family. I'm sending lots of love and caring thoughts your way.

Elise Ford said...

I am beyond shocked and so very, very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. I wish there was something I could say to take an ounce of your pain away.

Unknown said...

Jen, I am so, so sorry. Although Ainsley was only 17 months old, she touched the lives of so many through her fabulous smiles and courageous spirit. The world is more beautiful for her having been a part of it. Much love to you and your family. You are all in my thoughts.

Cavinder Family said...

Jen....no words can express the sorrow that i feel for your family. Ainsley was such a ray of sunshine for all who knew her...in person and in the blog world. she will forever be your girls guardian angel. i'm sure she is dancing on the clouds above us. my prayers and love are sent your way during this time. God rest her beautiful soul.

Jes G said...

jen, i am so very sorry for your loss. i wish i had more words.
please know i will be praying for you, your family, and most of all for Ainsley.
xoxo

Stacie said...

I am so, so sorry for the loss of sweet, little Ainsley. She left such a huge mark on this earth in such a short time--a bigger mark than many who have lived decades. I imagine her and her sister laughing together and loving on each other up in heaven.

Much love to you.

Kate said...

jen, I am so so sorry to hear this. I can't even believe it's true. You and your family are in my thoughts and payers. Much love to you.

Christine Case said...

Jen,

I am a long time reader of your blog. Your sense of humor during your infertility got me through my own. I was so shocked and saddened to read of Ainsley's passing. I take peace, and hope you do too, in knowing that she and her beautiful twin sister Evelyn are together once again.

I will keep your family in my prayers. I hope you know that thanks to this blog, Ainsley changed many lives besides yours. And you have too.

Sincerely,
Christine Case

"Jay" said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Thoughts of comfort o you & your family.

Katelyn said...

Oh Jen, I am so very sorry. Ainsley's death is so wrong and unfair. My heart aches for you. We (your readers) are here--please lean on us when you need to. I am so sorry.

Amanda said...

Oh my GOD. Words can not even begin to express the pain in my heart for you right now. I will hold you in my prayers.

Stephanie said...

Peaceful thoughts for you and your family.

~M~ said...

My heart breaks for you & your whole family. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.

Elsha said...

Oh Jen. I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

evsmarie said...

I am so very, very sorry for the loss of such a beautiful little girl. Her sweet smile and sunny personality brought joy to so many! You are all in my prayers.

NewsPhotoGirl said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

AmbyLand said...

I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Theresa said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. May you find peace in the days and weeks ahead.

The Happy Hewitts said...

You have just been through too much, and life is so fucking unfair!! I just don't know what to say. I'm so glad your sweet little meatloaf is at peace, but oh how I wish the pain away. So so so sorry for your loss. May you find peace in your new little one to come.
Mandy

Alison aka Baby B said...

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Ainsley's big spirit shined through in all your posts. May your sweet baby girls rest in peace together. I wish with my whole heart that they were here with you and your family instead.

krlr said...

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Words are useless at times like these but please accept my sympathies.

missohkay said...

I've been reading since Ainsley was born and I'm so incredibly sorry. Her smile lit up our lives too.

lindsey said...

I am so sorry. Your story has touched me and inspired me so much. Now that I am working in a NICU I think of ya'll every day. I will keep you in my prayers.

Kahla said...

Jen, I am so sorry for your family's loss, I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling right now. Ainsley was a miracle and a fighter. She touched so many in the 17 months she was on Earth. My prayers are with you all. May both of your sweet baby girls play together in heaven until you are all reunited again.

WellaWitch said...

Thank you for the courage you have shown and shared with us throughout Ainsley's life. You are incredible example of motherhood and love. I wish you, Mark, and Olivia peace and comfort in this very sad time.

Rachel said...

Praying for the peace of God to rest on you and your family. I was so sad to hear of sweet Ainsley's passing. She was so blessed to have you as parents. Thank you so much for sharing her adorable self with us.

pyjammy pam said...

I am so sad for the loss of your sweet Ainsley. She touched so many lives, along with her sister. I wish you much peace in the coming days.

Unknown said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Ella said...

Oh, I am so saddened by this news. I am so so so very sorry. I've loved reading about your sweet baby girl; thank you for sharing her story and yours. Peace for Ainsley and peace to you and your family.

Ella said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CurlyGirly said...

I am so sorry you and your family have had such struggles with your twins. My heart aches for you all. May she rest in peace.

Courtney said...

Oh Jen, I am so sorry to hear this news. I have been thinking of you and Ainsley since hearing the news this morning. My heart aches for you and your family - no one should have to do this once, let alone twice. I will continue to hold you, Mark, and all of your girls in my heart and thoughts.

The world is a better place because of Ainsley. So many people loved her through your words and photos. She brought much sunshine to my days when you'd post a photo or update about her. She is such a sweet, loving baby.

Please take care of yourself, and please know that you are loved by so many.

Jennifer said...

Peace to your family. I always looked forward to your Ainsley updates and pictures of her beautiful, smiling face.

Unknown said...

Jen, I am so saddened by this news. I was just thinking of you all today, thinking that we hadn't heard from you in a little while.
So much love to you and your beautiful family. I am crying along with you. Thank you for sharing Ainsley with us. I hope you'll continue to share more stories about her as time goes on. I will miss her, too.
Peace and love,
Dana

Emily said...

Ainsley, you had the best smile. You went through more in your short life than most people do in several life times. I wish you had made it home to live a long life with your funny, sweet, loving mom and family. I wish your family peaceful thoughts as they begin the hard road to learn to live without you.

Mandy Hornbuckle said...

Oh, no. No no no. I'm so, so sorry. There are just no words. Praying for all of you.

teamglenn said...

My heart goes out to you all. I am so sorry for your loss.

Danifred said...

Sending you love and prayers. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jessica said...

I'm so, so sorry. It is so unfair and it fucking sucks for you all. I'm so sorry.

JT said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers to you and your family at this sorrow filled time.

JenM said...

There are no words. I'm looking at her smiling face, and remembering every goofy grin picture you shared. Smiling happy babies should only have good things in their life. They shouldn't have to struggle to breathe, or live anywhere other than their room at home. You can see love in her face for you. I know how much you loved her, and I know she did too.

Rest in peace, sweet baby girl. We will always remember you.

MoKa424 said...

Jen, i can't begin to imagine. i pray for solace and comfort in the days to come. “Babies are like flowers. Some bloom for a whole season, some bloom for a day. But would a gardener even think of pulling out his daylilies because they last such a short time?”
- Mother Teresa
God bless.

A and W mom said...

I'm so very, very sorry. Sending boundless love and prayers for your family.

Amanda said...

So, so sorry for your loss. I can just imagine her big smile when she saw her Evelyn again. And the stories she has to tell her: Sweet Olivia, hair bows, toys, Daddy cuddles, funny nurses, silly songs, and best of all--her mommy who loved her more than anything and made sure that she had the best life. Those two are up there right now giggling and cuddling, so happy to be together.

None of us can imagine your pain, but luckily you shared her beautiful smile with us and she will never be forgotten. Promise.

Lilly said...

oh I am so so sorry. :( There are no words. I wish I could take your pain away, but I know that's impossible. Instead of the pain, just remember the love and how lucky you were to have such a beautiful baby girl, even if it was for a short time.

Jennifer said...

Oh my God. I just don't understand the way life works sometimes. Rest in Peace, sweet girl.

Genie said...

Just another lurker who is so so sorry to hear this. Wishing you and your family some comfort at a difficult time.

Amy said...

I am shocked and so very sorry for you and your family. Ainsley has affected my life and I'll never forget her. I thought of her and all of your NICU advice when helping a friend through her baby's premature birth. I have followed along for so long, enjoying your incredible sense of humor and hoping for Ainsley to catch the break she so very much deserved. I hope we continue to hear from you, but you owe us nothing, especially right now. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for peace for your entire family.

The GVZs said...

I am so sorry. It is so unfair, for all of you. Take care of each other and yourself and I hope you find peace.

Mel said...

Oh my god. I am so very sorry. This is terrible heartwrenching news. My heart is with you and your family tonight. I'm just so sorry.

Katie said...

There are no words, I'm so sorry for the loss of another beautiful daughter. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Amanda said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing so much of Ainsley with us.

akgardne said...

Oh. my. God. I saw the title of this and immediately my response was, no no no. That's not really what she means, it can't be. You have had more heartache than 10 people should ever have to endure. Poor Ainsley, but I am so glad you are able to take comfort in knowing that she is finally at peace. Your sweet family is in my thoughts and I hope you all find some peace. Things have got to get better right? It's just not fair to have to deal with all you have had to and maybe you can't say it but I sure as hell will. This is not fair!

Kathleen said...

This breaks my heart. I'm so, so sorry. You've been through so much.

Rose said...

Jen, I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you and your family.

Tiffany said...

I'm so sorry. Ainsley brought so much joy with her beautiful smile and personality. Thinking of you and your family.

Tiffany

Amanda Mylum Lawler said...

jen, my heart aches for your family. you all have endured so much more than any one family should ever have to deal with. and you have done it all with grace, humor, and so much strength. peace to you all and may ainsley rest in peace, too.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you.

Megan said...

I always read, never comment. My heart breaks for you and your family. Nobody deserves the heart break you have had. RIP Sweet Ainsley. I will pray for your family during this difficult time.

Lisa said...

I was so excited to see a new post pop up in my google reader. I love your words, but I do not love these words. I am sorry you had to write them. I am so sorry for your loss. Take care.
Lisa

A Shadow of My Former Self said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. What an incredible fighter she was.

Anon said...

I stand in awe of your ability to handle your life and all the challenges with such grace and candor. We will all miss your Ainsley updates and especially those simply edible cheeks. Ainsley created a such a wide-flung community through your voice. Please reach out to us for support if we can help.

Julia said...

Jen, I am so incredibly sorry to hear this. Thank you for "sharing" Ainsley with us, and know that so many people across the world ache for you tonight and will keep you in our thoughts.

Jen said...

i am so very sad to read this. we all loved your little ainsley. your family is in the hearts and prayers of so many. she will be very, very missed. our hearts are broken for you.

Lise said...

Oh God. I'm beyond sorry. She spent every minute of her life being loved and cherished. I'm sorry you didn't have more time with her, but glad for her that she had such a loving family.

Erin said...

I am terribly sorry for your loss. I believe that Ainsley is resting in peace and comfort with her sister. She fought the good fight, as did you and your family. She was greatly loved and will be missed.

Everything but the kitchen sink said...

So sorry to read this, your family must be in shock over this. I truly am, I hope that you can find some peace knowing she is with her sister and no longer struggling. She was such a fighter and just the cutest little thing.

andasbackpack said...

So, so sad to hear this. She was so beautiful and smiley and could brighten the day of someone who never even knew her. I can't imagine how much you all will miss her. She is with Evelyn, and they are at peace, but it's still just sad that you couldn't have more time with her.

sheilah said...

I also saw the title of this post and felt my heart sink. No no no...she was such a beautiful sweet baby. I can't imagine your pain. I am so so so very sorry. There really are no words.

BU said...

Ainsley is the sweetest most precious smiley baby. I am so sorry she is gone but so happy for you that she got to be a part of your life. Rest in peace sweet angel.

The Reeds said...

I've never posted, but I've been reading your blog for a long time... can't even remember how I found it. There's no words and no understanding for times like this. I lost my husband (he was 32) in December, so I should be able to come up with something decent, but I just hurt for you and will pray for you. Knowing she's no longer suffering gives you a little peace, but I know it doesn't take away a single bit of the hurt and pain. You will be okay. Not today, not tomorrow, and you'll never be the same. But just from reading your blog, I can tell you will be okay. There's not really another option when you're a wife and mom... but you're definitely in my thoughts and prayers.

Amy said...

Jen, so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something we could say to make it better. I hope you can feel the love and prayers that are being said for you and your family. I know that I feel like I knew Ainsley, I wish I could take some of the heart break you are suffering from you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family. Amy

lizzie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that no words can bring you comfort, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Laura said...

Broken hearted for you and happy for the peace for Ainsley.

Deanna said...

I'm SO very sorry to hear this. Prayers for you and your family!

Steph said...

This broke my heart to read. My prayers are with you and your family,and all I can hope is that she is hamming it up with her sister. She will always be remembered and loved.

Kelly said...

I am so, beyond incredibly sorry for your loss. I don't even have adequate words to express how much love and prayers and peace I am pushing through this damn computer and through to you.

I am so sorry.

nyanarose said...

My heart breaks for you and your family today, Jen. I've watched my little BPD baby slowly outgrow her disease over the past 17 months. I will squeeze her extra tight tonight and say a prayer that Ainsley is at peace with her sister tonight. May you find peace in knowing she's no longer struggling. I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

sarahw said...

So sorry for the loss of your sweet sweet angel. Her precious smile grabbed a little piece of my heart. May she rest in peace now.

zunzunbobo said...

i found your blog when ainsley was just a little peanut in the NICU, and have followed her story since then. she was such a joyful and hard-fighting baby that this came as a big surprise to me, even as i understand intellectually that she was also a very very sick baby. may she rest in peace. i am so so sorry for your loss, and will be thinking of your family.

Cathy said...

I am so terribly sorry for you and your family. She was clearly well loved.

kim said...

Sweet, sweet girl. I am so sorry, Jen.

Too Much Good said...

Oh my God Jen. I am so sorry for your loss. Ainsley inspired us all and we will never forget that smile. Your family is lifted up in prayers.

Zookers said...

I've been reading your blog for the past 3 years while I've been dealing with IF. You have been such an inspiration to me. My heart is breaking for you and your family. I'm so very sorry for the struggles and loss you have had to endure. Thoughts and prayers for your family.

Brenda said...

Oh no, oh no, oh no! I gasped when I read your title. And now, with tears streaming down my face all I can say is that I am so very, very sorry. I am without words. I wish you all peace that passes understanding.

A. and S. said...

I am so shocked and sorry to hear this. I never thought for a minute that you wouldn't bring her home eventually; she was so spirited and sassy. I'm sorry that Olivia lost another sister, that Mark lost his mini-me, that you both lost a daughter. I'm also angry on your behalf. (How much can one family be expected to endure? Seriously.)

But I'm glad you got almost seventeen months with Ainsley. Even though I'm just an Internet reader, she made such an impression on me. Her gap-tooth smile. Her snobbery. Her hilarious expressions. ('Fat and intrigued' was my favorite; I have never seen such an expressive baby in my life.) Her enviable meatloaf shape. Her valor. Her unmitigated joy. I will miss her.

Tanya said...

I, like many others, have been 'hooked' on your blog for the last 3 years. And Over those 3 years, it went from just being hooked to feeling like I've known you personally. Even though you and I don't really know each other, you have made me feel like a friend and I am truly inspired by your family and your strength everyday. My heart is with you and your family.

Stephanie Jean-Louis said...

Thinking of you and your family, and sweet Ainsley and her infectious smile - she is missed.

Amelia said...

Light and love to you and your family from the very depths of my heart. I'll carry the memories you shared of that beautiful little girl always.

Grace said...

From a stranger in Boston, my heart aches for your family. Ainsley's smile and personality will be missed by many who never had the pleasure of meeting her in person. I wish your family healing and peace.

Reese said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Ainsley is such a beautiful little girl and please know that she will always be remembered. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anne said...

I don't know you personally, but I have been following you since Olivia was born, and I can't bring myself to stop crying. Love and peace to you and your family.

Shannon said...

I was just directed to your blog. I'm so sorry for your loss. As the mother to a 24 month old son, who has been hospitalized for 21 months of his life...I can completely sympathize. You will be in my prayers.

www.littlewondersofourlife.blogspot.com

Brandi said...

Words cannot describe how very sorry I am. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers and may God comfort you and see you through.

manapan said...

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I will never, ever forget Ainsley's sweet little smile. Thank you for sharing your family's lives with us.

TheThirtiesGirl said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family.

Stacey said...

I am so sorry for your loss and I am devastated by this news. I have been checking your blog every day for Ainsley updates because I have been rooting for her and your family. I wanted "happily ever after," but in a much, much different way. Thoughts of peace.

Nic said...

I am so so sorry. I am in shock reading this and so upset, so many of us followed her story and sweet smile, she has touched so many of us, even though we never met her. Rest in peace. X

Carolyne said...

What a blessing to your lives Ainsley was. A truly beautiful little fighter who has found a place to look over you all. Rest peace sweet girl. Thinking if you all Jen.

Pam said...

I'm so unbelievably sorry. Please know that you have people across the world thinking of your family and sending love. Ainsley brightened the day of people who didn't even know her, and the world is a better place because of that.

aryanhwy said...

Oh, gosh, no!

JC said...

Sending you love and strength.

Katherine said...

Oh no, I'm so very, very sorry. Please accept my condolences and thoughts and prayers.
-Katie Hirsch

Calli said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

The Conceivable Future said...

I am so very sorry the loss of your beautiful little girl. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

mummydr said...

I can not believe I am reading this. I am s,o so sorry. There is nothing I can sway, but I offer my prayers.

Madalena Soares said...

I have been reading your blog for a long time, now. I would come by sometimes, because I always loved your sense of humor. But I started coming regularly after Ainsley was born - because I wanted to know how she was doing and because she had the cutest face and cutest smile ever.
I could not believe when I read your post and it made me cry. She really was special.
Rest in peace, baby girl.

hairyfarmerfamily said...

Oh Jen, I'm so truly sorry. What heartbreakingly sad news.

sbarks said...

Oh Jen you have me crying all over again, my ugly cry face has been in overtime since I read your post on FB on Sat. morning. It pains me so very much that you've had to endure so much heartache the past year & a half, but I take comfort in knowing that Ainsley brought you, & all of us too, so much joy & laughter with her wonderful smile & oh so happy personality. I wish I could just reach through my computer & give you the biggest hug. You are by far the mom of the year, maybe even the century, in my book, not b/c of the pain you have been through, but b/c of your strength. Ainsley was so lucky to be born to such a wonderful mommy. Now she is in peace & both her & Evelyn will be watching & protecting your family from above. Hugs to you, Mark, Olivia, & baby girl Knepper, & just know that we ALL love you guys.

Skywaitress said...

I am weeping for you. She was such a beautiful, happy girl. Her sweet face brought joy to me every time you posted a picture. She will be so missed. Her life was a blessing and it was just too short. I'm so very sorry.

katie said...

I am heartbroken for you.

Elissa said...

As with all the others there is nothing I can say that will help to ease this pain for you. I am so sorry for your loss does not seem adequate but I have no other words. Rest in Peace sweet Ainsley. Love to you and your family. Look after yourselves.

Lydia said...

I am so sorry for your loss. To lose Ainsley now after also saying goodbye to her twin sister, I cannot imagine your grief.

Ainsley was such a beautiful little girl. Such a sweet smile and adorable cheeks.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

Katie said...

I am so very sorry.

Ann said...

I'm so sorry for your loss - I'm thinking about you and your family.

Meghan said...

This just isn't right. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and wish there was something I could say or do that would ease your pain, even if just for a few minutes. You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers.

Ciara said...

I am so, so sorry your little girl isn't with you any more. She was an absolute delight to all who knew her, that is obvious. Love and strength to you and your family.

Kristen said...

Jen, I have been reading for a long time and always too lame to comment. My heart aches for you. I know there are no words to comfort you, but know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. That sweet, happy smile will never be forgotten.

thelambentlife said...

My heart breaks for you. I'm praying that you, too , feel peace in celebrating her life.

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