Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Busted, Gramma. Busted.


"I have a belly ache because gramma gave me
hohos and chips and hohos and
two lollipops."

We have officially reached the Blabbermouth Phase.  Olivia tattles, hears everything, repeats everything, and wants an explanation about everything.  I was forced to abandon all of my very favorite words (swears and dirties alike) a long time ago.  I don't want her out there saying fuck as much as I don't want her out there calling people douchecanoe.

But it has escalated to a whole new level.  She tells stories and they are always the most horrible stories.  Like, she keeps telling people how Mark spilled his Mountain Dew and yelled, "DARNIT!"  And she never forgets.  I mean, this Mountain Dew incident was like two months ago and the story is still on heavy rotation.  If a kid doesn't share a toy with her, she will tell the tale over and over to anyone who will listen while waiting in anticipation for you to bust out the world tiniest violin.

And in addition to watching what I say, I have to watch cartoons all day every day to avoid things like Rhianna.  Olivia loves to watch Music On Demand and dance to the videos but she has started to actually imitate the dance moves and OMG RHIANNA.  I watched in horror as Olivia watched Rhianna use her hands to make a box around her...well, her box and then tap on it while singing, "Where have you been all my life?"

Awesome dance moves, Rhianna.  Patting your...box.  Really clever.

The sacrifices I make for these kids!  No dirty words, no dirty music videos.  It is such a harrowing experience.

Just when you think I've forgotten?
I'm going to pat my crotch.
In public.

16 comments:

PJ said...

Haha! There's this great book called Tattle Tongue that the school counselor reads to my 2nd graders every year. 2nd graders are like MASTERS at tattling, let me tell ya!

I totally miss cussing. It's cathartic, and when you step on a Lego you should at least get to say Fuck!

HereWeGoAJen said...

Elizabeth will still bring up the time that Daddy's car got boomed and Daddy yelled really loud. And that was like a year ago. The other one she REALLY likes to discuss is when she wasn't a good listener at Target and didn't get to buy the mermaid tail and she really, really wanted the mermaid tail.

Brenda said...

Hahaha! But hmmm....my kids just turned 3....I see this in my future. I already have "This is my penis, Mommy!" whilst grabbing their junk. I reaaallly don't want to think about them telling them this kind of stuff to the whole world.

Cindy said...

Thanks for making me laugh already this morning. My son just turned two a couple months ago and his speech is still not the clearest which is my only saving grace. Sitting on the potty, he likes to tell me "I have a big pee pee" or "Dada has a big pee pee." I'm waiting for the day he says that at daycare and they actually understand what he is saying. Dang anatomy!

And OMG I have already failed 2 captchas. Why are they making them so hard???

Wendy said...

She's too funny!

Jessica said...

My 3 year old tattles on me to my mother! She told my mom that 'Mommy said she doesn't like when I spend a whole day at your house because you just let me eat crap all day long.'

OMG

Mrs. Higrens said...

You mean? After the terrors of 2, it doesn't actually get any betterrrrrrr :sob:

Mellow said...

Thanks for the giggle. :)

Anonymous said...

LOLOL - I have seen that Rhianna video. So terrible!

Caroline said...

Awesome. Just awesome.

Except for you Rhianna. Not so awesome.

JP said...

Kids: ruiners of the dirty words and dance moves.

mommacommaphd said...

Have you seen the video for "Call Your Girlfriend" by Robyn?

My daughter loves the song, so the other day I played the YouTube video on my phone so she could dance to it. When she realized my phone was showing the video, she wanted to watch.

She would watch and then emulate the dancing. Most of it is innocent 80s style bopping that remind me of Cyndi Lauper and Madonna when she was tame. However, there is one part where Robyn gets down and basically dry humps the floor.

Guess who else got down and dry humped the floor?

Note to self: Pre-screen music videos.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for my new favourite word....douchcanoe :) I'm so stealing that!!

Jill and Rich said...

My parents watched my daughter from 4:30-7:30 one night. This was our conversation on the way home:
"Did Nanny and Papa feed you dinner?"
"No. But they did give me coffee ice cream!"

Anonymous said...

Olivia is such a cutie. In the first picture of her in the pink top is that pedobear peaking out?

Nelly said...

The exact reason I no longer can listen to morning talk radio in the car. So, so very sad about it.