Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Crazy Crayon Kamikaze


You're sitting at the teeny tiny kid table coloring.  It's a real masterpiece, quite honestly.  You're just about to finish an expertly shaded portion of Hello Kitty's head when...


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
 ...Your kid comes over like some sort of crazy crayon kamikaze and scribbles nonsense all over your beautiful coloring page.  It's a damn tragedy, is what it is.  And you have to be nice, because she's a 3 year old and that's how 3 year olds color.  Plus you're 32 and acting a fool isn't really acceptable in this situation because you're a grown ass woman talking to your 3 year old.  Plus also you're a 32 year old coloring a picture of Hello Kitty.  You lose no matter what.

What you actually say:  That looks so pretty!  Good job!

What you say in your head: What the hell you ruined my picture why do you hate meeeeeeee????!!!

Can't color a beautiful picture, can't pee in private, can't eat sweets without shoving them in your mouth as you hide in the laundry room.  Parenting can be a real sacrifice, ya know?

24 comments:

*~*Lis*~* said...

LMFAO!! I hate when they do this!! And I can not tell you how much ice cream I've eaten in the basement!

BrandiH said...

LOL The main reason my hubby refuses to color with our 3 year old. That and she insists on telling you what color you can use.

And we take turns occupying her so the other can have treats!

Amanda said...

Hahahaha. So nice to have someone who understands my pain.

nicole said...

Hehe. I must confess. I go out after my kids go to bed to get ice cream. Yes, I buy them some everyonce in a while, but sometimes it is nice to eat it and not have to share!

Amanda said...

Craft time is as much for me as it is for my son. I'll let him know that "This is Mommy's paper, you have your own." Maybe I am being a dick, but sometimes you have to have something for yourself.

Dude, I cannot wait for my husband to get out of the house in the morning so I can take a crap. It's the result of having to leave the door open. I yelled at my husband this morning, "Leave so I can poop, or watch the kid!" He left.

Me said...

Can't take a bath in my lovely garden tub without knocking the bathtub crayons in with me and the freaking Fisher Price bathtub boat singing at me about fishing.

Clair said...

I told my daughter she should try and color in the lines once in front of her preschool teacher. The teacher told me I was stifling her creativity.

@Me We just had a home built. We sprung for one of those awesome master suites. I've used the garden tub once. Six year old uses it about 5 times a week. My beautiful glassed in shower too. So glad we spent the extra money for one more play area.

The six year old has also discovered games on the computer. I am constantly getting kicked off my laptop even though we have a computer specifically for the kids. I guess one of the other kids is always on it, and since she's the baby she never manages to kick them off.

Basically they rule all. We are here to serve them.

By the way, I hide my favorite candy in the drawer next to my bed, my favorite cereal on the top shelf of the pantry and my favorite ice cream in the second freezer in the garage.

Ashley said...

Fo sho!!!!

areyoukiddingme said...

Because I am a mean mom, I used to ask her why she was coloring on my picture and tell her to go back to her own.

I still hide the candy though...but I have been known to eat it in front of her and not share. See? Mean.

Allison said...

And here I thought I was the only crazy one. I want to go all nutso on the 3 year old when she ruins MY picture!

The Mrs said...

Or when she mixes up the play doh colors. Woe! Horror! Etc!

Desiree said...

DUDE. I called myself being all sweet to my kid and I bought her those markers and coloring books that only color on the paper?

Those things are really cool! And yeah, I was coloring more than she was because it's blank! And the markers are clear! But then the color appears like magic!

And then she comes and just scribbles, using all the wrong colors. People's faces aren't green and blue, dumb baby. Gah.

But I can't SAY that, because I'm the MOM.

Parenting is a TOTAL sacrifice.

Katie R. in Raleigh NC said...

This is so absolutely fantastic, I had to repost on my facebook. (Don't worry, I gave the link back)

SherilinR said...

i once scribbled all over my toddler daughter's finished picture with a black crayon after she did it to mine. she didn't like that at all, but she never colored on my page again.

Autumn Jones said...

Hilarious!!!!

Allison said...

*looking over my shoulder for cameras* I totally just snuck candy. And cheese. While keeping my one year old confined to what used to be known as the Living Room and is now commonly referred to as "your goddamned mess". Might have to rename it whe he can talk.

Solitary Diner said...

I took my six-year-old niece to a paint-your-own-pottery store for her birthday, and I had exactly the same reaction when she tried to help me paint the beautiful princess garden gnome that I'd picked out. I think I screamed a bit while clutching my piece to my chest.

Ashley said...

I just explained to a childless person the concept of hiding so you dont have to share your treat. She laughed and said that was the most rediculous thing she had ever heard. Oh just wait! one day you too will lock yourself int he bathrooom to eat a twix by yourself

Lainey-Paney said...

Somehow I think you just posted what I think in my head.

Cah-razy.

Nelly said...

I've tried teaching my daughter, "Mama's working real hard on this picture." It never matters.

Baby Whaley said...

I've been a longtime lurker but had to comment because this post is too funny-and so TRUE! I love your sense of humor!

veevs said...

ZOMG. i know EXACTLY what you're talking about...i teach kindergarten and they want to...help. "No! you have your own!! color your OWN!" and they look all defeated...sigh. i feel your pain.

DF said...

As I was reading this post I was thinking you are leading my life. We have this SAME hello kitty coloring book and the exact thing happened to me last week. And I felt bad for thinking "go away little girl, I am coloring and you just messed up my hello kitty!!". Hell, I still like to color. Oh well......but I said that is "so pretty". Also, whatever color I pick up she wants that one. It's not like there are SIXTY THREE other colors in the damn box!! :-)

mousemouse said...

I can't believe it! I thought I was the only one!!!