Thursday, August 9, 2012

WHAT?! YEAH! OK!!!

I don't know why I hate everything.  I just do.  It is part of my...charm.

I've been working out because I'm super fat and I would like to not be super fat.  I can deal with being just a little bit fat but not super fat.  So I'm doing this 10k running program on my treadmill and then sometimes I walk at the park.

When I walk at the park, I walk 1.75 miles twice, around a lake.  This sounds peaceful and beautiful and all that wonderful shit that people say about nature or whatever, but I can't enjoy it because of the small talk.

First of all, I hate small talk and pointless interaction with the general public.  I feel like you probably already know that about me.  Second, I am not one of those people who is all, hey!  Let's work out together so we can chat and become closer as human beings!  No.  All I want is to listen to inappropriate music and sweat in peace.

I feel like I'm in the hateful minority and that most people love this whole, walk by the same people over and over and say hi every time routine.  Bonus hate for anyone who tries to actually talk to me (hello!  headphones!  sweat!  super fat!) or wants me to lift up the shade blanket to look at the baybee (hello! colic! newborn-ish! super fat!). 

On Monday, a dog kept wanting to walk with me and was pulling away from its owner to come near me.  I cannot explain why but I think that it probably was my smell of my two dogs and desperation to escape the situation that was so attractive. 

So I'm sounding exactly like Lil Jon when I'm dealing with this completely fulfilling social interaction at the park.  It goes like this:

*I smile, mouth the word hi.*
*They smile, peek into the stroller, say something I can't hear because hello! headphones!*
*I pull out an earbud*
Me: WHAT?!
They: blah blah blah baybee
Me: YEAH!  OK!

Except I'm  not regular Lil Jon.  I am Dave Chappelle Lil Jon

35 pounds to lose...I'll probably be a rapper by the time I reach that goal and then I will become an instant YouTube sensation for my rippety-rappings and then, I promise, I will use my fame for good:  to make cellulite totally desirable.  I promise.

--

One more thing.  I've gotten a couple Are You CrayCray comments about the BlogHer TV thing because I guess some people can't see it?  I don't know.  It's there, I swear.  You should watch it, subscribe to some of the channels.  If you can't see it in the top left of my blog then you can click on the ad at the top of this post. 

21 comments:

HereWeGoAJen said...

I hate all other people. I try very hard to avoid eye contact.

Jennifer said...

I also try to avoid eye contact. Actually I try to avoid all contact. Head down, sunglasses on, headphones in ears and WALK FAST. And generally just look like a bitch. Works for me every time ;).

Deanna said...

I hate group exercise...I hate partner exercise. I exercise to have some solitude. I second what Jennifer commented above!

areyoukiddingme said...

I cheerfully greet people when I'm walking. But only once. I don't care how many times I pass them. Sometimes I'll smile again. But not always. I certainly never stop to converse...unless they have a dog that starts yanking them toward me. That usually generates some conversation. The trick is to walk with purpose - like you've got somewhere to be. (Should you go back to working, it works well there too, but it helps to carry papers then)

Sara / Aryanhwy said...

Take all of that (well, I don't have the headphones, but I'm usually walking at a good clip with a determined intent look on my face, which thankfully does deter a lot of people) and add in the fact that the small talk is in a language I don't really speak. I've at least gotten good at recognizing and answering the "Is it a boy or a girl, how old is she, is she your first, does she sleep well" questions, but most other comments I get from strangers are responded to with a smile, nod, and noncommittal or agreeing noise which hopefully sounds vaguely Dutch.

Anonymous said...

one worth - sunglasses.

thelambentlife said...

I really hate talking to people that I don't know and have no desire to ever get to know. Which, by this definition, makes my blogging completely ironic. Anyway. I really hate small talk, polite smiles and the the nod and wave. Especially when sweaty and out of breath.

Anonymous said...

Love the post! So glad I am not the only one who hates people! People annoy the hell out of me!

Sandy said...

My name is Sandy and I'm a hater.

That's why I love your blog!

You've seen pictures of Aria, you know she's a people magnet. Talk about fat! I get it at the grocery store.

Yesterday I was walking with both Oscar and Aria (do you realize we ended up with two kids exactly the same age?) and a woman walked by and said, "You have your hands full!" I was like, duh, bitch.

Sara said...

I HATE small talk in those situations! Is it really required that I acknowledge your existance as I'm trying to run? No! So don't give me dirty looks if I don't say hi to you! What's worse...my husband says hi to everyone! OMG it drives me nuts because he's all "Hi, good morning yada yada" to everyone while I'm next to him trying to ignore everyone! I'm not there to make friends or be a social butterfly...I'm there to exercise!

Anne said...

Working out is the worst. The. Worst. People talking to you while working out? The very, very worst. Just do Weight Watchers, then you don't have to work out. Or talk to people.

Laura Diniwilk said...

HAH! I have the same problem, perhaps it's an Ohio/midwest thing? I run laps around a park and I see the same cast of characters every day, you'd think they know by know that i have them on a strict one hi per day budget.

Deanna said...

I"ve been thinking about this. Maybe we all need a t-shirt to wear while we're walking/running/exercising to communicate our innate desire not to have a conversation. But I"m not creative enough to come up with a slogan to go on the shirt.

Farra said...

You're my soulmate. Hating people while listening to inappropriate music and being fat and sweaty is my thing. I actually won't even go outside to walk in my neighborhood, because I am constantly trapped by talkers while I'm standing there being disgusting and annoyed.

Anonymous said...

I can't click on the link at the top of your post. So I will continue thinking that you're crazy.

just me said...

I totally hate people. And my kids are super cute, so people always feel the need to make eye contact with them...then me...then smile at me and make small talk. It sucks. I've started wearing sunglasses...EVERYWHERE. It helps. They can look at me and smile all they want and I can totally pretend I don't see them as I keep walking by. I don't exercise though. I'm just going to stay fat.

Elle said...

Your posts sometimes make me smile/laugh and they sometimes make me cry. This one made me laugh!

I hate people too, just for the record. Hate 'em all. Except a special few.

Hope you have a great week :o)

Milla said...

I am impressed that you are doing the sweating and walking, therefore needing the strategies. I would also hate the chats. However the rippity-rappings are something I will continue to look forward to.x

Kate B said...

Wear sunglasses (even when it's cloudy) and stare straight ahead at all times. That's my "do not talk to me I'm exercising" method. And just keep moving forward, pausing is like an invitation to stop you for a chat.

Wendy said...

balls! I just asked Jen if she wanted to run with me, now that we're local and to ask her if you'd like to join us! So, uh. Never mind :P

andrea said...

i seriously hate working out with anyone. ever. just let me run with my music on and go away.
also, i avoid eye contact at all cost, and feign deafness. works like a charm